Category: other

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_)
Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate
box)

Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed

Spouse’s Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin
(_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___

Mother’s Name: _______________________ Father’s Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____
bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO ___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don’t know

A brit, an irishman, and a scot go out to a pub and order 3 pints. they each
find a fly floating on the top of their mugs. the brit says, �bartender, can i
have a spoon?” and quietly removes the fly from his brew. the irishman says,
�get out of there!” and flicks the fly away with a finger. the scot picks up the
fly with his fingers and says, �alright ya wee f*****. spit it out! now!”

An Irishman went to London and found himself in the Underground late one night.

Seeing a notice “DOGS MUST BE CARRIED on THE ESCALATOR”, he moaned to himself…

“And where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?”

There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept
confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to
adultery, I’ll quit!”

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had
committed adultery would say they had “fallen.”

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest
died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited
the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When
people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.”

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest
about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the
mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, your wife fell three
times this week.”

You can’t fall off the floor.

Two sea monsters were swimming around in the ocean, looking for something to do.

They came up underneath a ship that was hauling potatoes.

Bob, the first sea monster, swam underneath the ship, tipped it over and ate everything on the ship.

A little while later, they came up to another ship, again hauling potatoes.

Bob again capsizes the ship and eats everything onboard.

The third ship they found was also hauling potatoes and Bob once again capsized it and ate everything.

Finally his buddy Bill asked him, “Why do you keep tipping over those ships full of potatoes and eating everything on board?”

Bob replied, “I wish I hadn’t, but I just can’t help myself once I start. Everyone knows you can’t eat just one potato ship.”

Submitted by Muffin_007
Edited by Calamjo

One day Saddam Hussein was walking in the desert and he stubbed his toe on
some hard object. He bent over to pick it up and a Genie popped out.
“Oh great,” Saddam said, “I don’t have time for this Genie nonsense.”

“Oh wait,” said the Genie, “You have to let me grant you three wishes or I’ll
be trapped in that stupid lamp for another ten thousand years.”

“Ok” said Saddam, so he wished that the Genie would give him three American
women.

So the next morning when he woke up, after the Genie had realized who this man
was and after the Genie had granted the wishes, Tanya Harding, Garcella Bevoux,
and Hillary Clinton layed next to him. His knee was bashed in, his penis was
gone, and he had no health insurance.

It was the stockbroker’s first day in prison and on meeting his psychotic-looking cell mate he became even more nervous than ever.
”Don’t worry, mate,” said the prisoner when he noticed how scared the stockbroker looked. ”I’m in for a white- collar crime, too,”
”Oh, really?” said the stockbroker with a sigh of relief.
”Yeah,” said the prisoner. ”I murdered a priest.”

Q: Have you seen the dumb guy mine detector procedure?. A: Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot.

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he
said out loud, “Lord, grant me one wish.” Suddenly the sky clouded above his
head and in a booming voice the Lord said, “Because you have had the faith to
ask, I will grant you one wish.”
The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want
to.” The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics
of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the
Pacific!
The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for
me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think
of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me.”
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I have been
married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and
insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel
inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they
cry, what they mean when they say “nothing” and how I can make a woman truly
happy?
After a few minutes God said, “You want two lanes or four on that
bridge?”

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness, requiring medication. The zoo people couldn’t get Calle to take her dose orally, so a California pharmacologist developed a suppository. The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame.

Administering the DAILY medication takes five zoo workers, including one person to distract Calle with treats and one person who wears a full-arm glove.

Why am I telling you this???? Just think FIVE people have jobs worse than yours!

An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:

“Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438 and if it’s any good, I’ll send you a check.”

In a short time he received the following reply: “Please send check. If it’s any good, we’ll send the engine!”