Category: other

One day the norse god Thor was looking down upon the earth and was watching couples amking out in a park. He decided that this looked like fun, so with a clap of thunder, Thor was walking around the park as a human man. He came upon a young beautiful girl sitting alone and asked if he could join her. The girl replied “For THURE” and Thor gathered that the girl had a lisp but figured as good as she looked, what the heck, so he sits down and soon they were making out like the other couples. As her passions grew, she finally said, “wait a minute, wait a minute, lets go back to my plath!” so the left and went into her apartment and let nature take its course. After about 18 hours of nonstop sex, she says “hold up, i gotha go pith!” and she gets up to go use the bathroom. While she’s gone Thor lies thinking to himself, “surely by now she realizes that I’m no mere mortal man, I should tell her who I am”. So when she re-enters the room, Thor is standing on the end of the bed, pounding his chest and declares “I’m THOR!” the exhausted girl lokks at him and yells “You’re Thor, I’m tho thore that i cant even pith!!!

This pregnant woman is in a bank getting some money when a maked gun-man runs in and robs the bank, on the way out he shoots the woman three times. She is rushed to hospital and the doctor assure her she and the babies are fine and the bullets are best left in her. The birth was indeed normal and she was blessed with three children.

–14 Years Later–

The first daughter walks up to her Mum and says “Mum, something odd just happened, I passed a bullet” The Mum was shocked by this but explains what happened to the girl.

–Later that day–

The second daughter walks up to her Mum and says “Mum, something odd just happened, I passed a bullet” The Mum was less shocked by this but explains what happened to the girl.

— Later that evening–

The son walks up to her Mum and says “Mum, something odd just happened” The Mum now expecting this said “Let be guess you just passed a bullet ?” The boy looks shocked by this and says “No, I was having a wank and I shot the dog !”

Porque hacen pip� en cualquier lado.
Porque s�lo se entienden con los de su raza.
Porque hablan otro idioma.
Porque ‘ladran’ pero no ‘muerden’.
Porque s�lo piensan en comer.
Porque se van detr�s de cualquier perra.
Porque lloran cuando los dejan solos.
Porque se ponen felices cuando los sacamos a pasear.
Porque uno los echa y siempre vuelven.
Porque son f�ciles de distraer.
Porque se dejan llevar solo por sus instintos… �No piensan!
Porque hay variedad de razas y colores.
Porque a veces estorban.
Porque entre m�s cansada est� una m�s remolones se ponen.
Porque cuando eructan creen que es una gracia.
Porque los perros comen cualquier cosa.
Porque son m�s bonitos cuando peque�os.
Porque hay que vacunarlos contra la rabia.
Porque manejan tan bien como un perro.
Porque todo hay que dec�rselos y repet�rselos 20 veces.
Porque hay que gritarles para que entiendan.

What type of salad dressing do the Chinese use?

Chairman Mayo.

Ninety-four-year-old Mrs. Hatcher showed up at her lawyer’s
office one Monday morning. “I want you to begin divorce
proceedings,” she announced.

The lawyer was aghast. When he regained his composure, he said, “Mrs. Hatcher, you and your husband have been married for over seventy years. What in the world could have happened to make you want to get divorced at this stage in your life?”

Mrs. Hatcher looked him squarely in the eye. She cleared her throat and said, “We wanted to wait until all the children were dead.”

tha lady entered a lift in a shopping mall as the lift got higher a woman got smelled the air and said “m channel no5 �100 ” as they got a floor higher another woman enteres the lift smells the air and says “m kalvin klein �150″ when they got to the lady,s floor she got out bent over and farted and said ” brocili 25p a pound”

What did the man in the big yellow hat have to do every day when Curious George broke a glass or a plate? Spank his monkey.

Do you think that I’ll lose my looks when I get older
with luck, yes?

Yes, I’m tired. For several years I’ve been blaming it on iron-poor blood,
lack of vitamins, air pollution, water pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting,
yellow wax build-up, and a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life is
really worth living.

But now I find out, tain’t that. I’m tired because I’m
overworked.

The population of this country is 200 million. Eighty-four million are
retired. That leaves 116 million to do the work.

There are 75 million in school, which leaves 41 million to do the work. Of
this total, there are 22 million employed by the government.

That leaves 19 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Forces,
which leaves 15 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City
Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in
hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.

Now there are 11,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the
work. You and me. And you’re sitting there reading this. No wonder I’m tired.

An Israeli doctor said, “Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.”

A German doctor said, “That’s nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.”

A Russian doctor said, “In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.”

The American doctor, not to be outdone, said “Ha!. We are about to take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country will be looking for work the next day.

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?”
The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains.”

“So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this week ‘count’, St. Peter?”

“No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing.”

“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”

“So be it” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. “Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.

“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult.”

“Why?” asketh the Lord.

“He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota.”

Dermatologist: Good News my dear, aftr looking through your test results I’m happy to report you will no longer be plagued by pimples. Girl: Wow! That’s great! Why? Dermatologist: There’s no more space.