Category: other

Venancio le platica a Manolo muy angustiado:

“F�jate, Manolo, que siempre que bebo t� me duele el ojo izquierdo, y si bebo mucho, el ojo derecho tambi�n”.

“A m� tambi�n me dol�a antes, tal y como a ti te pasa en estos momentos, pero ya no”, le contesta Manolo con seguridad.

“�Cu�l fue el m�todo que usaste para que ya no te doliera?”, le pregunta con asombro.

“Muy f�cil, cuando termines de preparar tu t�, qu�tale la cucharita”.

what has two hands but don;t clap? a clock

A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic.

So he found out from his local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all he could.

When time for the practical exam approached, he prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a mark of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting.”

The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.

You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.

I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the muffler…”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. “Of course, my son,” said the priest.
“Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.”

“That’s a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess,” said the priest.

“It’s worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors,” continued the old man.

“Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly,” said the priest.

“Thanks, Father,” said the old man.; “That’s a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?”

“Of course, my son,” said the priest. The old man asked, “Do I need to tell her that the war is over?”

Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?

It was a black man…..a hungry, thirsty bum. He was looking for food in a garbage can, when suddenly he finds a can of Pepsi. He opens the can and a magic genie comes out.

“You get three wishes, be very careful and don’t spoil them.”

“OK, OK,” and without hesitation he says, “first I want to be white. Second, I want a lot of girls, naked girls, beautiful girls sitting on my face! And third, I want plenty to drink…. lots of water.

Bam, presto…the Magic Genie turned him into…..a toilet!

Hola, me llamo Chal-li, acabas de ser infectado por el �ltimo tipo de virus creado, el virus manual Chal-li. Soy un virus humilde y no me reenv�o autom�ticamente ni borro ning�n disco al ser recibido por lo tanto agradecer�a tu colaboraci�n.

Lo primero que debes hacer es ir a la carpeta de Windows y borrar unos cuantos ficheros, si puede ser que suenen importantes como el win.ini, command.com y alguno otro que se os ocurra.

A continuaci�n reenv�ame a todos los nombres de tu libreta de direcciones.

Si quieres darme m�s fama ser�a un detalle que por �ltimo borraras el disco duro o le prendieras fuego a la CPU.

Muchas gracias por tu atenci�n y te agradezco de antemano tu ayuda.

Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Mexican, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, “Tornado!” They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells “Earthquake!” They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the Mexican. He looks around and shouts “Fire!”

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.

The priest said: “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?” “Never Father, I’m Jewish.” “So then, why are you telling me?” “Because I’m telling everybody!”

LICENSE TO STEALTwo Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached to the bumper.

There are five people on a plane that’s crashing. There is the pilot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and a big, fat lady and four parachutes. The pilot jumps out and yells, ”God bless me!” Bill Gates jumps out and yells, ”God bless me and my bank account!” Michael Jordan jumps out and yells, ”God bless me and my team!” Wayne Gretzky jumps out and yells, ”God bless me and the New York Rangers!” The big, fat lady jumps out without a parachute and yells, ”God bless me and the people I land on!”

En un restaurante, un comensal le ordena al mesero:

“Mesero, d�me un huevo duro”.

El mesero lo atiende y le lleva el huevo. Tiempo despu�s, el tipo grita enojado:

“Mesero, este huevo est� blando”.

El mesero se acerca a la mesa, mira al huevo y exclama:

“�C�llate, huevo hijo de puta!”