Category: other

En un reino el rey busca a su hija por todos lados, despu�s de tanto buscar la encuentra en el granero en una org�a, con un campesino un militar y un cura.

Desesperado el rey, despu�s de formarle tremendo pedo, le dice a la hija que se tiene que casar con uno de ellos, a lo que la hija contesta que los quiere a los tres. El rey sale hablar con los tres tipos y les dice que el que le diga la frase que mas le impacte con las palabras valiente y brillante se casar� con su hija.

Viene el cura y dice: “valiente soy yo, brillante es mi altar, pum pum hacen las campanas al resonar.”

Bien, dice el rey, viene el militar y dice: “valiente soy yo, brillante el la punta de mi espada, pum pum hacen mis ca�ones en los campos de batalla.”

Excelente dice el rey aplaudiendo, viene el campesino y piensa “concha de la madre y ahora que digo, bueno, que sea lo que dios quiera”

Y dice:

“Valiente soy, brillante es la cabeza de mi pija, pum pum hacen mis huevos contra la concha de su hija.”

The bakery called — they want their rolls back!

Un tipo llega a su casa y, al entrar a su rec�mara, sorprende, infraganti, a su rechupeteable esposa en brazos de un desconocido.

“P-pero, �por qu�, Mariana? �Dime por qu�!”

“�Cari�o, perdona, t� sabes… la debilidad de la carne!”

“Y esto que yo tengo entre las piernas �qu� es? �� Verdura?!”

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You
recognize her. You walk up to her, refresh her memory and get her to laugh and
giggle and then suggest, “Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?�
– That’s Customer Relationship Management.

It was about a month ago when a Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to
confess, so he went to his Priest. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
During WWll, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.” “Well,” answered the Priest,
“That’s no a sin.” “But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed.”
“I admit that wasn’t good, but you did it for a good cause.” “Oh thank you
Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.” “What is it
son?” “Do I now have to tell him the war is over?”

The Top 16 Biblical Ways To Acquire A Wife

16. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours.
– Deuteronomy 21

15. Find a prostitute and marry her.
– Hosea (Hosea 1)

14. Find a woman with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock..
– Moses (Exodus 2)

13. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
– Boaz (Ruth 4)

12. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
– Benjaminites (Judges 21)

11. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
– Adam (Genesis 2)

10. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
– Jacob (Genesis 29)

9. Cut off 50 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
– David (1 Samuel somewhere)

8. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone. (It’s all relative off course.)
– Cain (Genesis 4)

7. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
– Xerxes or Atrahasis (Esther 1)

6. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a …woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.”
– Samson (Judges 14)

5. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though). – David (2 Samuel 9)

4. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law).
– Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

3. Don’t be so picky. Make for quality with quantity.
– Solomon (1 Kings 11)

2. A wife?…NOT!!!
– Paul (I Corinthians 7)

1. Become sinless, and die in atonement for others, and you can marry a whole bunch of people.
– Jesus (Revelation 15?)

An really elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said “yes”.The next morning when he awoke, he couldn’t remember what her answer was! “Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny…”After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn’t remember her answer to the marriage proposal.”Oh”, she said, “I’m so glad you called. I remembered saying ‘yes’ to someone, but I couldn’t remember who it was.”

Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness

Do you know why Santa Claus does not have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and that’s down a chimmey.

Preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby
of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one. On the way
he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a
young lad came out to greet him.
The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the
house. The two went to look at the lawn mower. The engine was sputtering along
at idle speed. The preacher increased the speed of the engine and mowed a few
strips. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of
$25.00.
Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied
the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The kid stopped and watched for
a couple of minutes. He asked, “What’s wrong?”
The reply came, “I can’t get this mower started. Do you know how?”
The kid said, “Yep.”
“Well, how do you do it? Tell me!”, the preacher yelled.
The kid replied, “You have to cuss it.”
The preacher rose up indignantly. “Now you listen here. I am a preacher and if
I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I’ve forgotten how to do it after all these
years.”
With a wise look on his face well beyond his years, the kid said, “Preacher,
you keep on pulling that rope and it’ll all come back to ya.”

Did you hear about the polish lottery? If you win a million dollars, You get a dollar every year, for a million years.

one day there was a man that visited this hotel in some
place. he said to tell counter teller, “can I have the keys
to the first floor and can I have a jar of pickles to eat.” ok
said the teller. “but you have to eat the pickles out on
your window platform.” ok said the man.
the next day, another man came into the hotel and asked
the teller, “can i have the keys to the second floor and
can i have a pair of siccors because i like to cut hair.” ok
said the teller. “but you have to cut hair on the
window platform.” ok said the man.
the next day, another man came into the hotel and asked
the teller, “can i have the keys to the third floor and
can i have bottle of glue. i like to glue stuff together.” ok
said the teller. “but you have to glue your stuff out on
the window platform.” ok said the man.
the next day, another man came into the hotel and asked
the teller, “can i have the keys to the fourth floor
and can i have a can of green paint. i am going to paint my
things green. that’s my favorite color.” ok said the teller.
“but you have to paint your things out on the window platform.
ok said the man.
the next day, another man came into the hotel and asked
the teller, “can i have the keys to the fifth floor
and can i have a butcher’s knife because i like to cut meet.”
ok said the teller. “but you have to cut your meat out
on the window platform.” ok said the man.
the next day, everyone was doing there thing out one the
window platform. the butcher was cutting meat when
accidental he cut of his man hood. it fell off his window
plantform and landed on the platform under his. that was
the green paint. it fell in the paint and fell on the platform
under the paint platform. so it fell in a little puddle of glue.
after that, the penis fell on to the window platform. that was
all the hair. after the penis fell into a pile of hair, the
penis fell onto
the next platform. which was the jar of pickles. right after
the penis fell into the jar of pickles, the man that slept
on that floor took the jar of pickles and picked out a pickle.
unfortenatly, the pickle the man picked out was not a pickle at
all.
the man did not know that. so when he picked out the fake
pickle, he bit it. and then he ate the whole thing.
still and forever, he did not know the pickle he picked out of
the pickle jar was a penis. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!