There was this middle-aged couple playing golf The wife whacked the ball in the wrong direction and the ball went soaring into a nearby bungalow’s window The two ran to the bungalow and there they found a man with a turban on his head, sitting next to a broken vase They apologised for breaking the vase and the man in the turban said “You have done me a great favour – I am a genie and you have released me. For this you can both have one wish each” The wife wished to be a pro-golfer – the Genie said “In the morning you will be better than Tiger Woods” The husband wished for a Million dollars – the Genie said “In the morning you will be a Million dollars richer.” The Genie then said “But, in order for the wishes to come true, I will have to make love to your wife”. They decided (as being a pro-golfer and million dollars richer) it was a reasonable price to pay for the wish to come true.. The Genie took the wife to the room and started really screwing her with passion and speed. But suddenly, halfway through he stopped.”How old is your husband”, the genie asked the wife.”46″ the wife replied.”And he still believes in Genies…..??”
Category: other
La maestra le pregunta a
La maestra le pregunta a los ni�os:
“A ver ni�os �qu� es la luz? Aj�, Pedrito dime.”
“Bueno, maestra la luz es una fuente de energ�a.”
“Muy bien. �Alguien m�s? S�, Pepito �qu� es la luz?”
“Bueno, maestra la LUZ SE COME.”
“�Se come? �C�mo es eso? Expl�cate.
“Bueno, maestra, la luz se come porque ayer o� a mi pap� dici�ndole a mi mam�:
“Apaga la luz que hoy te la comes todita.”
English, Irishman, Scotsman joke
There was an Englishman Irishman and a Scotsman who worked on a building site.
It was time for their dinner so the Englishman opened his bait box and said
“if I get cheese sandwiches tomorrow I will throw myself off that bridge” the
Scotsman and Irishman say the same
so the next day comes and the Englishman has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off
the bridge
the Scotsman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the
bridge and the Irishman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off
the bridge
at the funeral the wives meet up and the Englishman�s wife says “I could of
just made him another kind of sandwich” the Scotsman�s wife says I would of got
another kind of cheese” the Irishman�s wife says I do not know why he jumped he
made his own sandwiches.
Dos grandes amigos tomaban unas
Dos grandes amigos tomaban unas copas en un bar, cuando uno de ellos le manifiesta al otro:
“F�jate que he decidido suicidarme porque la vida me ha tratado muy mal”.
“No puedo creer que quieras matarte, pero respeto tu decisi�n”.
“As� es, me voy a matar, aqu� traigo una pistola para hacerlo, pero antes quiero pedirte un favor”.
“S�, claro, el que quieras, para eso son los amigos”.
“Una cosa me ha faltado probar en mi vida y es es el sexo con un hombre; quiero que me hagas el favor de met�rmela, que al cabo nadie lo va a saber, yo ya me voy a matar y s� que t� no vas a decir nada”.
No muy convencido, el amigo acepta. Se van a la parte trasera del bar y ah� le da duro por el culo a su amigo. Cuando terminan, regresan a la mesa en que estaban y le pregunta al futuro suicida:
“�Entonces qu�, a qu� hora te vas a matar?”
“�Matar? �Yo? ��Ahora que empiezo a vivir?!”
Hardware store
A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish
Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, “What a Pollack.” The Polish man
said, “I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher
salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.” “Probably, ” replied the clerk.
“And if an Italian came in here and asked for spaghetti and meatballs, would you
also insult him?” “Probably,” the clerk again replied. “Why you’re nothing but a
bigot. Why do you have to insult everybody not like you?” At this, the clerk
replied, “Because this is a HARDWARE store, moron.”
Baptizing the Drunk!
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.
He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?”
The drunk looks back and says, “Yes, Preacher, I sure am.”
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. “Have you found Jesus?” the preacher asked. “Nooo, I didn’t!” said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?” “Noooo, I have not, Reverend.”
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, “My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?”
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher… “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
Llega un paciente al consultorio
Llega un paciente al consultorio del Doctor de la localidad y le dice que quiere que le haga una revisi�n de rutina. Le dice el Doctor al paciente, “Pase para all� atr�s y desn�dese.” El hombre se queda desconcertado y le contesta, “Pero Doctor, s�lo vengo a que me haga un chequeo �por qu� tengo que desnudarme?”
Y el Doctor un poco molesto le replica, “Ap�rese que tengo que dar m�s consulta.”
Y vuelve a decir el paciente, “Pero Doctor es s�lo una revisi�n normal.”
Total que el buen hombre se desnuda y le dice el doctor, “Incl�nese hacia adelante.”
Y el paciente hac�a lo que el m�dico le ordenaba y ya despu�s de esto le dice otra vez el Doctor “�Le duele la cabeza?”
Y le contesta el pobre paciente, “No Doctor no me duele.”
Y el Doctor le dice, “Pues ah� le va el resto…”
Red Phone
A visitor to the vatican met with the Pope and noticed a red phone sitting on his desk.
What’s that for?, he asked.
“Oh, that’s the direct line to the Lord” said the Pope.
The visitor said, “Wow, how much is a call?”
The Pope answered, “$2,000 per minute.”
A few days later the same visitor met the Israeli Prime Minister and noticed a red phone on his desk.
“What’s that for?”, he asked. “Oh, that’s the direct line to the Lord” said the Prime Minister.
The visitor asked “How much is a call?”
The Prime Minister said “20 cents per minute.”
The astonsished visitor said, “It can’t be. I just saw the Pope who said a call to the Lord is $2,000 per minute.”
The Prime Minister answered, “That was long distance, here the Lord is just a local call.”
These two kids about 12
These two kids about 12 or 13 go to confession. The first one goes into
the confessional and admits having sex with a girl.
The priest says, “It wasn’t Carmen Angelozi was it”?
The kid says “No father, it wasn’t”.
The priest says, “It wasn’t Angela Fetucini was it”?
The kid replies, “No father, it wasn’t”.
The priest then says, “It wasn’t Maria Carmella was it”?
The kid once again says, “No father it wasn’t”.
The priest then says, “Well, for your pennance say 50 Hail Mary’s and leave
half your allowance in the offering for 2 weeks”.
When the kid leaves the confessional his friend asks him how it went to
which he replies, “not bad and I got 3 leads.”
En un reino el rey
En un reino el rey busca a su hija por todos lados, despu�s de tanto buscar la encuentra en el granero en una org�a, con un campesino un militar y un cura.
Desesperado el rey, despu�s de formarle tremendo pedo, le dice a la hija que se tiene que casar con uno de ellos, a lo que la hija contesta que los quiere a los tres. El rey sale hablar con los tres tipos y les dice que el que le diga la frase que mas le impacte con las palabras valiente y brillante se casar� con su hija.
Viene el cura y dice: “valiente soy yo, brillante es mi altar, pum pum hacen las campanas al resonar.”
Bien, dice el rey, viene el militar y dice: “valiente soy yo, brillante el la punta de mi espada, pum pum hacen mis ca�ones en los campos de batalla.”
Excelente dice el rey aplaudiendo, viene el campesino y piensa “concha de la madre y ahora que digo, bueno, que sea lo que dios quiera”
Y dice:
“Valiente soy, brillante es la cabeza de mi pija, pum pum hacen mis huevos contra la concha de su hija.”
The Bakery Called, Fatty
The bakery called — they want their rolls back!
Un tipo llega a su
Un tipo llega a su casa y, al entrar a su rec�mara, sorprende, infraganti, a su rechupeteable esposa en brazos de un desconocido.
“P-pero, �por qu�, Mariana? �Dime por qu�!”
“�Cari�o, perdona, t� sabes… la debilidad de la carne!”
“Y esto que yo tengo entre las piernas �qu� es? �� Verdura?!”