Category: other

My answer to “What to do with Bin Laden?” Well, this sounds good to me. It
would be true poetic justice:
Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will inspire his
comrades to take hostages to demand his release. Therefore, I suggest we do
neither.
Let the Secret Service, Navy Seals, or whomever covertly capture him, fly him
to an undisclosed hospital, and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex
change operation.
Then we return “her” to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban.

There once was an Indian whose given name was “Onestone,” so named because he had only one testicle.

He hated that name and asked everyone to not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, “If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!”

The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day, a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, “Good morning, Onestone.”

He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant serious business. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, “Good to see you, Onestone.”

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he screwed her all day, screwed her all night, screwed her all the next day, screwed her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn’t die!!!

What is the moral of this story???

You can’t kill two birds with one stone!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

You’re so poor I went to your house and asked where the bathroom was and you said, ‘4th bottle to the left.’

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior
was taking a shower. “There is a blind man to see you,” she says.
“Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the
shower. Send him in.”

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to
tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.
She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: “That’s
nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you
want me to put these blinds?

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted
to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new
business site and the owner read the card; it said “Rest in
Peace”.

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he
had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he
was, the florist said. “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake,
but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere
there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers
with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new location.”

there are two muffins in an oven. 1 muffin says to the other one
“it sure is hot in here” and the other muffin says
“AHHHHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!”

De 8 a�os la llevas a la cama y le cuentas un cuento.

De 18 a�os le cuentas un cuento y te la llevas a la cama.

De 28 a�os no necesitas contarle ning�n cuento para llev�rtela a la cama.

De 38 a�os ella te cuenta un cuento y te lleva a la cama.

De 48 a�os le cuentas un cuento para evitar ir a la cama.

De 58 a�os ella te dice: T� en la cama ya eres puro cuento.

De 68 a�os eres t� quien no quiere saber nada de cuentos ni de camas.

De 88 a�os apenas ven la cama pero no se acuerdan como era el cuento.

An old man went in to see the doctor and said, “Doc, I’m turning eighty tomorrow. I’ve hired a hooker for the night, and I’d love to do it just one more time before I die. Can you give me something that’ll get me up?”The doctor smiled. “I don’t normally prescribe this stuff, but I think in your case I can make an exception for one night.”Later that night, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly man and asked, “How’s it going?””Fabulous,” the old man said. “I’ve come three times already.””That’s great,” the doctor said. “the hooker must be astounded.””Not exactly,” the old man said. “She’s not here yet.”

A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full
of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer. He asks a nearby demon if this is really
hell, and what was so bad about the place.

“Well,” said the demon, “the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the
blondes don’t!”

Why is Superman afraid of [ethnic] people more than Lex Luther?

Lex Luther will steal his identity. [Ethnic] people will steal his identity
and his costume.

Bullshit BingoDo you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here is a way to change all of that!How to play: Check off each block when you hear these words during a meeting, seminar, or phone call. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout, “BULLSHIT!!!” Synergy Strategic Fit Gap Analysis Best Practice Bottom Line Revisit Bandwidth Hardball Out of the Loop Benchmark Value-Added Proactive Win-Win Think Outside the Box Fast Track Result-Driven Empower [or] Empowerment Knowledge Base Total Quality [or] Quality Driven Touch Base Mindset Client Focus[ed] Ball Park Game Plan LeverageTestimonials from satisfied players:”I had only been in the meeting for five minutes whenI won.” – Jack W. / Boston”My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically.” – David D. / Florida”What a gas. Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win.” – Bill R. / New York City”The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the 5th box.” – Ben G. / Denver”The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed ‘Bullshit’ for the third time in 2 hours.” – KathleenL. / Atlanta

A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said, “We take the lungs out of a man, perform an operation, put the lungs back in, and in 4 weeks, the man is looking for work.”An Englishman said, “We are far more advanced than you. We can take the heart out of a man, perform surgery and have him ready for work in just 3 weeks.” The Irishman says, “That’s nothing; we can take a kidney out of a man, put into another man’s body and have them looking for work in 2 weeks.”The American says, “Well hell, that’s nothin’. We had an idiot taken out of Texas, put in the Whitehouse and now half the country is lookin’ for work!”