Category: other

Una mujer en el 25� aniversario de su matrimonio, cincuentona ella, con las carnes algo ca�das, pero con mucha ilusi�n, se viste de lencer�a fina, con medias, ligas y tacones de aguja incluidos, entra insinuante en la habitaci�n y se planta frente a su marido que est� tirado mirando la tele:

“Cari�o -dice la mujer- �te acord�s cuando nos casamos, un d�a como hoy,hace 25 a�os? Me dijiste: Te voy a comer los pechos hasta sec�rtelos. Te voy a tocar el culo hasta que se te caiga. Te voy a hacer el amor hasta que te vuelvas loca. �Y hoy no ten�s nada que decirme?”

El marido la mira de arriba a abajo y le dice:

“�Misi�n cumplida!”

Hab�a una ves un negro que todos los d�as ven�a a una estatua de San Marcos en la iglesia y siempre dec�a: “Est� cabr�n, est� cabr�n”.

Hasta que un d�a un padre vino y le pregunt� que porqu� siempre dec�a eso. El negro le contesto:

“Mire padre, yo soy negro, mi mam� es negra, mi esposa es negra, pero mis hijos son g�eros”.

El padre le respondi�:

“No, pos entonces s� est� cabr�n.”

You might be a redneck if you study for a blood test.

This woman has spent her whole adult life wanting a larger bust, but she just can not afford a boob job. She goes to see a new Doctor in town named Dr. Bob. He tells her that she really doesn’t need plastic surgery, that he has a sure fire way to help enlarge her chest. He tells her to rub her chest every day and say the following “Scooby Dooby Dooby, I want bigger boobies”. She thinks that this is stupid idea, but decides to try it anyway.After one week of repeating the poem and rubbing her chest she notices a definite increase in her bustline. She is thrilled! On the bus one morning heading to work, she remembers that she didn’t do her morning ritual of rubbing and reciting. She looks around the bus and nobody seems to paying her any attention so she starts to rub her chest and recite the poem.”Scooby Dooby Dooby, I want bigger boobies”. A man starts chuckling from the seat behind her. She turns to ask “what’s so funny?”He says “Dr. Bob, hmm?” She says “how do you know?” He says “Hickory Dickory Dock……!”

Q: What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 state workers in the same room?

A: A hundred people who dont do dick.

Thats a nice hat you’re wearing. I was thinking about buying two of them… one to shit in and one to cover it up with.

One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year olds, “I’ll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.”

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St.Patrick.”
The teacher said, “Sorry Sean, that’s not correct.”

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St. Andrew.”
The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Hamish, that’s not right either.

Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, “It was Jesus Christ.”
The teacher said, “That’s absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I’ll give you the $2.”

As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, “You know Marvin, since you’re Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ.”

Marvin replied, “Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business!”

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception .

Una pareja de esposos discut�a airadamente en la calle:

“�Te voy a demostrar que no vales nada!”

El se�or hace se�as a un taxista que se detiene frente a ellos.

“�Cuanto me cobra hasta el aeropuerto?”

“Hasta all�… sobre 18 euros.”

“�Y con mi mujer?”

“Lo mismo.”

“Ya ves… �no vales nada!”

Why do Puerto Rican women wear pointy shoes?

To kill the roaches in the corners.

3 Irish monks have passed all tests, except for one. It is the test of purity.
So the other monks tie bells to their dicks and put them in a room with a naked
chick. She dances in front of the first one, and, sure enough, he goes
‘ding-ding!’
“Go take a cold shower, now!” she commands, and he goes to take a shower. So
she dances in front of the next one, and, after a couple of minutes, he goes
‘ding-ding!’
“Go take a cold shower with your brother!” she yells, and he leaves. Now she
goes to the last one, dancing in front of him. He doesn�t ring. The woman nods.

“Good, you’ve passed. Go take a shower with your brothers.”
“Ding-ding!”

Mickey’s wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asked, “Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?”

Looking over her carefully, Mickey replied, “Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five.”

“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed.

“Hey, wait a minute!” Mickey interrupted.

“I haven’t added them up yet.”