Category: other

One day there was this lion and zebra messing around. Until the lion’s wife started to come towards them. The lion panic and said to the zebra “Quick hurry! pretend like I’m eating you!” Ha Ha get it eating you

A bumper sticker seen on car:

nice legs…..

What time do they open?

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked. The other customers were very confused and some very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, ”Sir, what are you doing!?!” The man turned toward the teller and simply said ”Looking around.”

Phillip and Phoebe are parked in Lover’s Lane.

He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching.

“Awwwww Hell !” he murmured, “Fuzz !”

“What did ya expect ?” Phoebe sez, “A perm?”

A professor is lecturing his class on the possibility of finding joy in unusual activities.

“Even the most natural and common actions can provide an immense amount of pleasure. For example, a good bowel movement can be as enjoyable as making love.”

A student starts madly waving his hand and stands up when acknowledged.

“Professor,” he says, “Either you don’t know how to fuck, or I don’t know how to shit!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

* You wonder why singers Sting, Wolf Blitzer, and Bryan Adams stole wrestlers’ names * You only come out of your room if your theme music is playing * When your boss is pissing you off you kick him and give him a stunner * You always end a speech with, ”That’s the bottom line ‘cuz John said so!” or ”If you smellllll what John is cooking!”* Your new wardrobe consists of more multi-colored bicep tassles, tights, and capes* If there’s one beer left you suggest it should be suspended from the ceiling and the winner has to climb a stepladder to get it* Whenever you see someone lying on the floor you get the urge to put him in the sharpshooter

Here are some useless facts that you may enjoy…

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament
Building is an American flag.
Barbie’s measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
All of the clocks in Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
A coat hanger is 44 inches long if straightened
Canada is an Indian word meaning “Big Village”.
“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.
The word ‘byte’ is a contraction of ‘by eight.’

Did you hear about the African missionary that gave some cannibals their first taste of religion?

Three nuns die and go to heaven. When they reach the gates of heaven ST. Peter tells them that they have to answer a question to enter. Then he asks them which one wants to go first. The oldest of the three say I will go fisrt and set an example for the other two. So St Peter asks her “Who was the first man on Earth?”. She says thats easy Adam was the first man on Earth. Lights flash, horns blow, bells ring, and the gates of heaven open wide and the nun enters. Well the second nun steps up and says I guess I will go next. St Peter asks her “Who was the first woman on Earth?” She answers thats easy Eve was the first woman on Earth. Lights flash, horns blow, bells ring and the gates of heaven open up and that nun enters. The last nun steps up and says I guess it is my turn now. St Peter then asks her “What were the first words Eve said to Adam?”. The nun thinks and thinks and she cant come up with what Evesaid to Adam first so she looks at St Peter and says “Thats hard”. Lights flash, horns blow bells ring and the gates of heaven open up.

Entra un tipo a la sala del doctor y dice: “Doctor, tengo sida �qu� puedo hacer?”

El doctor se queda pensativo y le dice: “C�mete un kilo de naranjas por la manana otro kilo de naranjas por la tarde y otro kilo de naranja por la noche.”

“Pero doctor, eso me va a mandar al ba�o todo el d�a.”

Y el doctor dice:

“�Eso es para que aprendas para qu� sirve el culo!”

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error.

The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye as he went off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stop to chat.

Pope: Sorry about the mix up.

President Clinton: No problem.

Pope: Well, I’m really excited about going to heaven.

President Clinton: Why’s that?

Pope: All my life I’ve wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.

President Clinton: You’re a day late

Did you know we caught bin laden. no… we spread the new liquid viagra around the mountains of afghanistan and he sort of popped up!!!!