Category: other

What’s so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
– You know she’ll swallow.

Un chico va a pedir la mano de su novia al pap� de ella. Al llegar, el padre la manda a su cuarto en la parte de arriba de la casa. Luego pregunta al muchacho:

“�Cu�nto ganas?”

El muchacho dice: “El sueldo m�nimo.”

El padre grita: “�A mi hija eso no le alcanza ni para el papel higi�nico.”

Decepcionado, el chico sale de la casa, y desde el balc�n la novia le grita:

“�Qu� pas�?”

Y el chico le responde:

“�Hasta nunca, cagona!”

There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman, who were going to be shot.

On the day of the executions, they take the Scotsman outside.

“Any last words?”, they asked.

He yelled “Earthquake!” and whilst the firing squad were running about in a panic, he climbed the wall and got away.

The Englishman, seeing this, thought he’d try it, so when his turn came.

He shouted “Flood!”, and similarly escaped in the ensuing confusion.

The Irishman thought this was a good plan, too so when they asked him for his last words, he yelled “Fire!”

Una pareja ten�a 20 a�os de casados y durante todo ese tiempo cada vez que iban a hacer el amor, �l apagaba las luces. La mujer pensaba todos los d�as como romper este loco habito de su marido.

Una noche, cuando estaban en medio del acto, ella encendi� las luces de la habitaci�n. Mir� hacia abajo y vi� a su marido sosteniendo un consolador.

Ella qued� completamente aturdida al ver lo que estaba pasando.

“�T� impotente? �C�mo pudiste enga�arme por todos estos a�os? �Exijo una explicaci�n!”

El esposo la mira directamente a los ojos y dice:

“Yo te explico lo del consolador si t� me explicas por qu� tenemos tres hijos.”

And God created woman and she had three breasts.

He then asked the woman,
‘Is there anything you’d like to have changed?’

She replied,
‘Yes, you could get rid of this middle breast?’

And so it was done, and it was good.

Then the woman exclaimed as she was holding that third breast in her hand,
‘What can be done with this useless boob?’

And God created man.

More One-liners worth passing on…

Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious.
In two words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. S$$T HAPPENS!.
Accept than some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
The best vitamin for making friends: B1.
If you can’t be the tablecloth, don’t be the dishrag.
I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.
I’m not just a gardener, I’m a Plant Manager.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
There are two rules for ultimate success in life: (1) Never tell everything you know.
Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
There’s no real need to do housework — after four years it doesn’t get any worse.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
You’ll never be the man your mother was!
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Don’t hate yourself in the morning — sleep till noon.
Good news is just life’s way of keeping you off balance.
Don’t cook tonight — starve a rat today!
God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.

Q:What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?

A:Roberto

A bumper sticker seen on car:

nice legs…..

What time do they open?

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked. The other customers were very confused and some very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, ”Sir, what are you doing!?!” The man turned toward the teller and simply said ”Looking around.”

Phillip and Phoebe are parked in Lover’s Lane.

He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching.

“Awwwww Hell !” he murmured, “Fuzz !”

“What did ya expect ?” Phoebe sez, “A perm?”

A professor is lecturing his class on the possibility of finding joy in unusual activities.

“Even the most natural and common actions can provide an immense amount of pleasure. For example, a good bowel movement can be as enjoyable as making love.”

A student starts madly waving his hand and stands up when acknowledged.

“Professor,” he says, “Either you don’t know how to fuck, or I don’t know how to shit!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

* You wonder why singers Sting, Wolf Blitzer, and Bryan Adams stole wrestlers’ names * You only come out of your room if your theme music is playing * When your boss is pissing you off you kick him and give him a stunner * You always end a speech with, ”That’s the bottom line ‘cuz John said so!” or ”If you smellllll what John is cooking!”* Your new wardrobe consists of more multi-colored bicep tassles, tights, and capes* If there’s one beer left you suggest it should be suspended from the ceiling and the winner has to climb a stepladder to get it* Whenever you see someone lying on the floor you get the urge to put him in the sharpshooter