Category: other

A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off:

“I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.”

Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:

“I’ve circled the block for 20 years, and if I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. . . Lead us not into temptation.”

~~I know why they put the G infront of the dog/dawg…..

…..Because they mean the one with the G in it.(laugh)~~

Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?

You can do it with no hands, but it’s best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

bin laden changed his name to BINHIDDEN

What’s Osama Bin Laden going to be for Halloween?

Dead.

Why are women like snow flakes?

They are all beautiful.

They are all different.

They can all be cold as ice.

But they’ll all melt when they land on your face…

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

Una pareja de novios se est�n besando frente a la casa de ella. El novio la coloca contra la puerta y comienzan a demostrarse su amor con mucha pasi�n y deseo.

Al rato sale el pap� de la novia furioso y le dice al muchacho:

“�Mira! A m� no me importa que hagan lo que quieran aqu� en el frente de la casa, �pero por favor quita la mano al timbre, que no dejas dormir a nadie!”

Why wont [ethnic] ballerinas ever do the splits?

They always get stuck to the floor.

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb and asked them to come up with the rest.

Here is what the kids came up with:

Better to be safe than… punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the… bug is close.

It’s always darkest before… daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of… termites.

You can lead a horse to water but … how?

Don’t bite the hand that… looks dirty.

No news is… impossible.

A miss is as good as a… Mr.

You can’t teach an old dog… math.

If you lie down with dogs, you… will stink in the morning.

Love all, trust… me.

The pen is mightier than… the pigs.

An idle mind is… the best way to relax.

Where there is smoke, there’s… pollution.

Happy is the bride who… gets all the presents.

A penny saved is… not much.

Two is company, three’s… The Musketeers.

None are so blind as… Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not… spanked or grounded.

If at first you don’t succeed… get new batteries.

You get out of something what you… see pictured on the box.

When the blind lead the blind… get out of the way.

There is no fool like… Aunt Edie.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and you have to blow your nose.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.

What do you call a car full of black people?

Cheap Tinted Windows

Cierta noche, ya de madrugada, un tipo le mostraba su nuevo apartamento a unos amigos. El anfitri�n los lleva a su dormitorio, donde est� un gigantesco gong de bronce.

“�Y eso?”, pregunta uno de los invitados.

“Es mi reloj parlante”.

“�Reloj parlante? �Y c�mo funciona?”, indaga otro de los amigos.

“Mira”, dice el hombre, y le da un fuerte golpe al gong con un mazo, que lo hace retumbar en una forma impresionante.

De pronto, se oye un grito a voz en cuello desde el otro lado de la pared:

�Por Dios, grand�simo hijo de puta! �Son las 2 de la ma�ana!”