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A man came to a Sunday school class late one day and the teacher said he will punish the late comer with a qeustion. He asked the late comer wether to ask him one hard qeustion or two simple ones. The late comer said
one hard qeustion.
Q. How many stars are there in Heaven
A. 5000,00000000
The Teacher was surprised and he asked how do you know
The late comer replied him thus; You have asked me another qeustion again.
An Iraqi was walking on the beach when he was approached by a man. “Say Buddy,” said the man, “How�d you like to take a cruise for $100?”
“Sure!” exclaimed the Iraqi. When he gave the man his money, the guy pulled out a black jack and hit him over the head. He pulled him down to the shore, put him in an inner tube and then shoved him off.
The next day, another Iraqi was walking on the beach, and was approached by the same man, in the same manner. Sure enough, when the second Albanian gave him his money, out came the black jack, and the second Albanian was on his way out to sea.
Several days had passed, and the two Iraqi�s eventually ran into one another. “Hey Buddy,” the second asked the first, “do they serve drinks on this cruise?”
“They probably won’t.” said the first, “They didn’t last year.”
The bell-ringer for the church had just passed away, so the priest was looking for someone new to ring the bell. Then one day this man comes out of nowhere and starts banging on the door. The priest opens the door and sees that the man has no arms. The priest asks him, “How can you ring the bell?” The man said, “Let me show you.”So they went up to the top of the bell tower and the man started hitting the bell with his head. The bell starts to swaying and the man misses, and then he goes flying through the window. Two more priests come running and ask, “What happened? Who was that?” The second priest said, “I don’t know but that face sure rings a bell!”
Q: How many grocery store cashiers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Are you kidding? They won’t even change a five dollar bill.
A Cowboy meets an Indian herding sheep in the Black Hills.
Cowboy: “Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?”
Indian: “Dog don’t talk.”
Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?”
Dog: “Doin’ all right.”
Indian: (Look of shock!)
Cowboy: “Is this Indian your owner?” (pointing at the Indian)
Dog: “Yep.”
Cowboy: “How does he treat you?”
Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”
Indian: (Look of total disbelief)
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Indian: “Horse no talk.”
Cowboy: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”
Horse: “Cool.”
Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)
Cowboy: “Is this your owner?” (pointing to the Indian)
Horse: “Yep.”
Cowboy: “How’s he treat you?”
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the elements.”
Indian: (Look of total amazement)
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Indian: “Sheep lie.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by, well just about the whole crew but Tantilazing had the last word.
Un hombre manco iba caminando por la calle cuando se encontr� una tienda de tecnolog�a super-avanzada, entra y mira en un estante “Brazo Robotiko, ver. USA, activado con voz”. Rapid�simo lo agarra y se lo lleva al mostrador y le dice al que atiende: “Me lo llevo”, le contesta “muy bien se�or, pero debo advertirle que este aparato s�lo entiende ingl�s”, “no importa, soy biling�e” y ya, se lo lleva a su casa.
A la hora de probarlo, se sirve un vaso de agua con la otra mano y dice: “A ver si sirve, DRINK!” y zaz, se lleva el vaso a la boca, el hombre emocionado lo repite, “DRINK!”, y otra vez; ya con confianza decide irse a bailar.
Estando en la pista de baile, dice, “DANCE!”, y de volada saca los pasos m�s modernos. Despu�s de un rato y unos tragos, le dan ganas de ir al sanitario, ah� dice OPEN ZIPPER! PULL OUT!
Cuando acaba de orinar, el hombre se excita con una foto de una mujer desnuda en la pared, y le dice al brazo, PULL! se va excitando m�s y m�s y le dice, PULL!, PULL!, HARDER!!! y de pronto snatch! de tan fuerte que se la jal�, se la arranca. Entonces el hombre dice asustado FUCK!!!
Y el brazo le mete el pito arrancado por el trasero.
I was having a bad day. For one thing I hadn�t slept well the previous night
because of another loud party next door. On top of that, I felt a cold coming
on. So I drove to the neighborhood drugstore, and ran in for a couple of
minutes, just to get some cough drops. When I came out, there was a cop, writing
a ticket for the expired parking meter. �Give a girl a break, would you?� I
asked him. He ignored me and went on writing. I called him a �pencil-necked
Nazi.� He glared at me and began writing a second ticket for the expired city
sticker. I called him a �horse�s ass,� and he began writing another ticket–for
worn tires!! I didn�t care. It wasn�t my car, but I�d recognized it as my noisy
neighbor�s. I take my fun where I can get it.
Yo mama’s so fat the only time she sees 90210 — is on a scale!
Blonde jokes are oneliners so brunnets can understand them.
An old couple were sitting on their front porch reading the newspaper. When suddenly the woman stands up hits her husband upside the and sits back down. The man asks, “what was that for”. The woman replies “that’s for 35 years of bad sex”. The man ,out of anger, hits her back and says “that’s for known”.
A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class.
He wrote on his paper, “The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony.”
Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Curtis
“Whew, that’s one terrific spread!”
“I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.”
“Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”
“Talk about a huge breast!”
“It’s Cool Whip time!”
“If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!”
“Are you ready for seconds yet?”
“Are you going to come again next time?”
“It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?”
“Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!”
“Don’t play with your meat.”
“Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.”
“Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?”
“I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”
“You still have a little bit on your chin.”
“Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.”
“How long will it take after you stick it in?”
“You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.”
“Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!”
“How many are coming?”
“That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!”
“Just lay back & take it easy…I’ll do the rest.”
“How long do I beat it before it’s ready?”