Category: other

“Doctor Doctor I ate a pack of cards!”

Doctor:”I’ll deal with you later.”

A couple was invited to a masked Halloween Party. She got a
terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. So
he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping for
an hour, awakened feeling much better so she decided to go to the
party.

Since her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching him to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she got to the party and spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing
with every nice chick he could. His wife sidled up to him and being a
rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner and devoted his
time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came home and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never
even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Don and Bill
and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all
evening. But I’ll tell you… the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had
a real good time!”

Bobby Knight, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded IU flag in the window.”This house is yours for eternity, Bobby,” said God.”This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here.”Bobby felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a three-story mansion with a black and gold sidewalk, 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous Purdue flag and, in every window, a Boilermaker logo.Bobby looked at God and said “God, I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was a good coach, I won 3 NCAA titles, 600+ games and I even went to the hall of fame. Sowhy does Gene Keady get a better house than me?”God chuckled, and said “Bobby, that’s not Gene Keady’s house, it’s mine!”

An scots man a french man a pakistani man and an english man are sitting in the pub talking when the scots man picks up the bottle of whiskey on the table and throws it out of the window saying “we have so many of them in scotland i dont want to see another one” at hearing this the french man grabs the red rose from the vase on the table and exclaims “we too have so many roses that i to do not want to see one” the english man then gets to his feet and grabs the pakistanian man and throws him out the window shouting “we have so many of them in england i dont want to see another one”.

Dos homosexuales van caminando por la calle. Uno de ellos comenta:

“�Ay, mana, acabo de venir de la cita con mi ur�logo!”

“�Ay! �Y qu� te dijo?”

“Me diagnosticaron piedritas en los ri�ones”.

“�Babosa, eso te pasa por meterte con alba�iles!”

A guy goes to the doctor and say�s ” Doc my pecker has turned orange.”

The doctor takes a look and say�s “I’ve never seen anything like this before. We’ll have to run some tests to see if you have been poisoned or something. Where do you work, is it a chemical plant?”

The guy answers “No. As a matter of fact I’ve been out of work for a couple of months now and I’ve just been sitting around the house watching pornos and eating cheetos.”

A man goes into a chemist’s shop, and asks for a packet of condoms. The assistant asks him what variety he would like.

“How about the new box of condoms of different colors?”

So he buys a packet of 12 mixed colors and goes away.

A few months later he’s in the maternity wear shop buying a maternity dress for his wife.

“What bust?” asked the assistant.

“The yellow one.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

It was late one night and three guys just got done partying. So they needed to find a motel. So they find a super8 motel. They go in to the clerk and get one room because that was all that they could afford.

They get to there room and there is only one bed so quickly one guy says, “I get the bed.” Then another guy says, “I get the bathroom.” Then the last guy says, “I guess I get the closet.”

During the middle of the night the guy in the bed has to take a big ol shit. But he remembers the guy in the bathroom so he does his busness in the pillow case and throws it in the closet.

In the morning he gets up and checks on the guy in the bathroom. They both had a great night sleep. So they go and see their friend in the closet. When they asked how his night was he said, “It was pretty good up until a white ghost jumped in and I kicked the shit out of it.

AQUARIUS: Jan 20 – Feb 18
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You
lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless
and impractical causing you to make the same mistakes over and over
again. People think you are stupid.

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. “Is there something in particular I can show you?” he asked.

“Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.”

“You mean a sectional sofa,” he suggested.

“Sectional, schmectional.” she bitterly retorted. “All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!”

An Iraqi was walking on the beach when he was approached by a man. “Say Buddy,” said the man, “How�d you like to take a cruise for $100?”

“Sure!” exclaimed the Iraqi. When he gave the man his money, the guy pulled out a black jack and hit him over the head. He pulled him down to the shore, put him in an inner tube and then shoved him off.

The next day, another Iraqi was walking on the beach, and was approached by the same man, in the same manner. Sure enough, when the second Albanian gave him his money, out came the black jack, and the second Albanian was on his way out to sea.

Several days had passed, and the two Iraqi�s eventually ran into one another. “Hey Buddy,” the second asked the first, “do they serve drinks on this cruise?”

“They probably won’t.” said the first, “They didn’t last year.”

The bell-ringer for the church had just passed away, so the priest was looking for someone new to ring the bell. Then one day this man comes out of nowhere and starts banging on the door. The priest opens the door and sees that the man has no arms. The priest asks him, “How can you ring the bell?” The man said, “Let me show you.”So they went up to the top of the bell tower and the man started hitting the bell with his head. The bell starts to swaying and the man misses, and then he goes flying through the window. Two more priests come running and ask, “What happened? Who was that?” The second priest said, “I don’t know but that face sure rings a bell!”