Category: other

Q: Why did Michael Jackson go to Wal Mart?

A: Because he heard that boys pants were half off.

There is a sign in the drugstore window: “Condoms, custom fit.”

So a man walks up to the counter and asks for a condom, like the sign says.

The man at the counter tells him to see Edith in aisle 4. So the man finds Edith.

Edith grabs the man by the crotch, then gets on the PA system and says, “Medium condom. Medium condom.”

Well the man is embarrassed, but goes to the counter to get his condom.

Later, a second man sees the sign in the window, and goes up to the counter to get his condom.

The druggist tells him to see Edith in aisle 4.

Same thing happens, Edith grabs his crotch, gets on the PA and says, “Large condom, this man needs a large condom.”

The man is pleased, at least, to be a large.

Next a teenager goes into the drugstore to get a fitted condom, and is told to see Edith is aisle 4.

Edith grabs his crotch, gets on the PA and says, “Clean-up in aisle 4, clean-up in aisle 4.”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis

There was a boy who wasn’t developing very well in his “downstairs department”.

So his mum took him to the doctor to get him examined and see if there was anything the doctor could do.

“Well there isn’t much wrong” said the doctor, “but if you feed him lots of toast, it should soon rectify itself”.

So the next day, the boy comes home from school and there is a massive pile of toast on the table, about 30 pieces high.

“Awwww mum, is that all for me?” said the boy.

“No, the top two slices are for you, the rest is for your dad!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Editted by Tantilazing and Curtis

There were three applicants for one job that required
“The Powers of Obvervation & Attention to Detail”
The first applicant enters the interviewers office & is told
“the job requires the powers of observation & attention to
detail – What do you notice different about me”
He responds by commenting “You have no freaken ears”
The interviewer says “Please leave as I am very sensitive about
that
& send in #2.”
#2 enters & is posed the same job description “the job requires
attention to detail & the powers of observation – What do you
notice different about me?”
The applicant responds & says “you have no freaken ears”
The interviewer again says “Please leave as I am very sensitive
about that & send in #3.”
But before #3 goes in for his interview the other two warn him
not to mention the interviewers ears because he is very
sensitive about that.
#3 enters & is told that the job requires the powers of
observation & attention to detail & is asked “What do notice
different about me?”
He responds by saying the the interviewer is wearing Contact
Lenses.
The interviewer says that is correct & how did he come to that
conclusion.
Applicant #3 says you can’t wear glasses you got NO FREAKEN EARS.

I am sick of air flight assistants and piolets being so nice “i
hope you enjoyed your meal sir” “i am very sorry bet here will
be a slight bit of turblence i’m sorry for any
inconvenience”.just once i mould like the piolet to come over
the PA system and say “ladys & gentelmen i have just found out
that we have 4 high power engians capabul of giveing us 400g
forces each so we’re going to go for the new world speed record,
we do realise this is very irresponsible but we are board out of
our brains up here in the cocpit, there will be a hel of alot of
turbelence as we go thrugo the sound barrier and a very real
chance that the wings will be ripped of”.

Un tontiland�s le dice a otro:

“Hombre, �ten�s una banana en la oreja!”

“�Qu�?”

“�Ten�s una banana en la oreja!”

“�Que dec�s?”

“�Que ten�s una banana en la oreja!”

“�H�blame del otro lado que tengo una banana en la oreja y no te escucho!”

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to
her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling her it’s not so, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a
suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.” Willing to try
anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the
mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. “How long will this take?” she asks.
“They will grow larger over a period of years,” he replies. The wife stops. “Do
you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day
will make my breasts larger over the years?” Without missing a beat the husband
says, “Worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

a man said 2 a girl suck my dick she said suck my penus and he laughed then he said suck my penus so she walked up to him pulled his pants + underwear and she sucked them so never say suck my dick suck my penus or they might do it

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the
other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices,
however,
that they are copying copies, and not the original books.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He
points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that
error would be continued in all of the other copies.

The head monk says “We have been copying from the copies for
centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”

So, the head monk goes down into the cellar with one of the
copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has
seen him. So, one of the other monks goes downstairs to look for
him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and
finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“The word is celebrate” sobs the old monk.

It’s finally come out why George W. is pushing childhood literacy. He wants America’s children to be better off than he is.

My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t
getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought
a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a
note to the sign that said, “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”

“If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?”