Category: other

Un vagabundo llevaba puesta una chamarra muy costosa. Un tipo de aspecto muy elegante lo ve y se da cuenta que es la chamarra que le hab�an robado; decidido, se dirige al vago:

“�D�nde consigui� esa chamarra?”

Insolente, el holgaz�n responde:

“Se la quite a un g�ey que estaba borracho tirado en una banca. �Hasta me lo trampe�!”

“�Qu� bien le queda!”, asegura el elegante.

What are the main ingredients in VIAGRA?

HELIUM AND FIX-A-FLAT.

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Estaba Mar�a F�lix en una fiesta; en eso llega Thal�a y se presenta:

“Se�ora, se�ora, yo soy Thal�a y he hecho grandes telenovelas”.

“Me parece perfecto”, le contesta la Do�a con indiferencia.

“Adem�s, yo he viajado mucho. En Indonesia me coronaron la emperatriz de la belleza”.

“Me parece perfecto”.

“Pero, d�game, �y usted que ha hecho?”, inquiere la se�ora Mottola.

“�Pues mira, yo tambi�n soy regia, me he esforzado por educarme; me he cultivado. Antes yo dec�a ‘tenedor’ hoy digo ‘cubierto’; antes dec�a ‘pasto’ hoy digo ‘c�sped’. Es m�s, antes yo dec�a: �Me vale madre! Hoy digo: Me parece perfecto.

En una competencia de tiro hab�a un gringo con una pistola de �sas con rayo l�ser y mira de �guila en un lado y del otro lado hab�a un mexicano que con la crisis a duras penas tra�a una resortera. En eso un pato pas� en medio de los dos y los dos dispararon sus armas al mismo tiempo. El pato cay� en medio y los dos fueron por �l y estaban discutiendo, “no que m�o, no que m�o”. Entonces el mexicano dijo, “Vamos a darnos una patada donde m�s duele y el que grite pierde el pato”

El gringo dijo que s�,y el mexicano dijo, “Yo empiezo porque tu est�s m�s grandote”

El gringo se puso en pose de Superman y el mexicano agarr� como cinco cuadras de vuelo y ya para llegar le dio dos vueltas a la pierna y �sopas! Pero el gringo no grit�, se aguant� como los meros machos y dijo, “Ahora tocarme a mi.”

“El mexicano le respondi�, “No, �sabes qu�, carnal? Ah� muere. Qu�date con el pato.”

What do you call “fart” in German?
Farfrompoopin!

A young man was drafted into the war, named John. He received a
letter one day at the mail call from his girlfriend. In it, she
dumped him very harshly and demanded her picture back. This hurt
his feelings and he spent a while figuring out how to get her
back. So finally he wrote her.
“Dear Anna,
I will miss you and you say you want your picture back? I’m not
sure which one is you. Please select the approprite picture and
send the rest back.
Love John.”

And in it he included about a dozen more pictures, all of
different girls, plus Anna’s, that he collected from his friends.

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:Two Italian men and one Italian womanTwo French men and one French womanTwo German men and one German womanTwo Greek men and one Greek womanTwo English men and one English womanTwo Polish men and one Polish womanTwo Japanese men and one Japanese womanTwo American men and one American womanTwo Australian men and one Australian womanTwo New Zealand men and one New Zealand womanTwo Irish men and one Irish womanOne month later the following things have occurred:One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman. The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming. The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriendrespected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving – but at least the taxes are low and it’s not raining. The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for further instructions. The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men after calling them both ‘bloody wankers’. Both the New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep. The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few bottles of coconut whisky, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any.

The Athius is in a boat and he’s floating on loch ness lake.
Then a loch ness monster comes up and grabs him out of the boat.
He then pray for god to help him.

God said,”Why should I help you? you don’t even believe in me.”
“Please do one thing for me,” said the Athius, “Just make the
monster a Christian.” “So be it,” said God. God then
disappeared, and the monster said, “Dear father bless this food
we are about to recieve.”

Q. Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 7, 8, 9. !!!!!!!!!!

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:
“Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?”

Father Patrick replied, “I am so very sorry to hear about your dog’s death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there’s a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they’ll do something for the animal.”

Muldoon said, “I’ll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?”

Father Patrick: “Why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic?!”

A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and says, “Honey, Do you remember this?”He looks up at her and says, “Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”She says, “Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night.”He nods and says, “Yes dear, I still remember.””Well, what was it?” she asks.He responds, “Well honey, as I remember, I said, “Ohhhhhhhhh Baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out.”She giggles and says, “Yes honey, that’s it. That’s exactly what you said. So, now it’s 50 years later, I’m in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?”Again he looks up at her and looks her up and down and replies, ” Mission Accomplished.”

Yo’ mama so ugly, she scares blind kids away.