mrs sunday told her son, john to stop abusing people so that he may live longer than her.
John said that her doctor told him that he will live 145 years before he will die.
from impaco
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Category: other
Era un ni�o tan feo,
Era un ni�o tan feo, pero tan feo, que cuando naci� la mam� le pregunt� al m�dico:
“Doctor, �qu� fue? �D�game que fue!”
“No s� se�ora, �pero si se mueve lo mato!”
Hallow’een
Why to pedofiles like hallow’een so much?
Home delivery
Spot
A young man finally agrees to meet the parents of the young woman he’s been dating.
But by the time he gets to their house, his nerves have put him in a state of gastric distress.
The problem develops into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through dinner he realizes he can’t hold it in a second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escapes.
“Spot!” the girlfriend’s mother calls to the family dog, who is lying at the young man’s feet.
Relieved that the dog took the blame, he lets a slightly larger one slip out.
“Spot!” she calls sharply. The young man thinks he’s got it made and decides to let a big one go, which he believes will put an end to his problem.
“Spot!!!” shrieks the mother. “Get over here before he craps on you!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
Two [ethnics] are out fishing, and having…
Two [ethnics] are out fishing, and having a great day. As fast as
they put a hook into the water, a fish bites, and they reel it in.
As sunset approaches they decide to mark the spot, so they can come
back again.
The first [ethnic] thinks a bit and then paints a big “X” on the bottom
of their boat.
The second [ethnic] says “You idiot! what if we get a different bat next
time?”
Tried it once
A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.
“No, thanks,” says the plant manager. “I tried smoking a cigar once and I didn’t like it.”
The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for martinis.
“No, thanks,” the plant manager replies. “I tried alcohol once, but didn’t like it.”
Then the salesman glances out the office window and sees a golf course. “I suppose you play golf,” says the salesman. “I’d like to invite you to be a guest at my club.”
“No, thanks,” the manager says. “I played golf once, but I didn’t like it.”
Just then a young man enters the office. “Let me introduce my son, Bill,” says the plant manager.
“Let me guess,” the salesman replies. “An only child?”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Three Old Men
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”
Second one says, “No, its Thursday!”
Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”
nightmares
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because somebody shot the only one who had a dream.
What do you call a
What do you call a bunch of white people pushing a car up a hill?
– White power
What do you call a bunch of black people pushing a car up a hill?
– Black power
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans pushing a car up a hill?
– Grand theft auto
Web Site joke submission from George Wilkie
from Humble, TX USA (usr28-dialup12.mix1.bloomington.mci.net)
on 6/2/1998 22:41:50
En una pareja de reci�n
En una pareja de reci�n casados, la mujer estaba triste y melanc�lica porque no hab�an tenido relaciones sexuales, ya que �l no sab�a como hacerlo. Por lo que deciden consultar a un sex�logo para comentarle su caso.
El m�dico, muy amable y con deseos de solucionar el caso, le hace el amor a la muchacha, que por cierto estaba muy buena, de una manera formidable. La muchacha se puso irreconocible: silbe y silbe, cante y cante.
El galeno, acomod�ndose la ropa, se vuelve hacia el muchacho, quien estaba mirando todo el espect�culo, y le explica:
“Esto es lo que su mujer necesita, cuando menos, tres veces a la semana.
“Bueno, doctor, �y se la traigo lunes, mi�rcoles y viernes, o martes, jueves y s�bado?”
Women
Why were shopping carts invented
To teach women how to walk on there hind legs
What a similarity between guns and a women
the more they’re around, the more you want to shoot them
How many women does it take to shovel the drive way
Who the hell cares, what are they doing out of the kitchen
A las 4:00 a.m., un
A las 4:00 a.m., un borracho llega a un edificio enorme y ve la ingente cantidad de botones que tiene el intercomunicador. Titubeante, presiona uno de los botones y cuando una mujer responde, con tartajosa voz pregunta:
“Oye �t� eres casada?”
“S�, soy casada”, contesta enojada.
“�Y tu esposo esta ah�?”
“S� y es karateca. �Quieres que lo despierte?”
“�No, no, no, disculpe usted!”, farfulla asustado el temulento.
Oprime otro bot�n y cuando le contestan se apresura:
“Oye, mi amor, �t� eres casada?”
“�S�, soy casada!”, responde furiosa y con voz adormilada.
“�Y tu marido est� ah�?”
“S�, si est�. �l es boxeador. �Por qu�? �Quiere que lo despierte?
“�No, no, no, perd�n!”
Toca nuevamente el intercomunicador. Cuando alguien contesta el borrach�n insiste:
“Oye, mi vida, �t� eres casada?”
“S�, si soy casada”.
“�Y tu marido est� ah� contigo?”
“No, �l no est�”.
“Entonces, �puedes hacerme un favor?”
“�Cu�l?”, pregunta extra�ada.
“�Podr�as bajar a ver si soy yo?”