Category: other

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He
gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman
to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow
to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.
The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the
Irishman having a cup of tea. ”So have you done the work then?” he asks.

The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn’t give
them a shovel or a wheelbarrow. The boss is infuriated by this and asks the
workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him
going toward the truck. So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is
getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells,
“SUPPLIES!”

How do you start a mexican parade?

Roll a quarter down a street.

A happily married man had only one complaint, his wife was always nursing sick birds. One November evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on its beak sitting in his favourite chair. On the dining room table there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin while in the kitchen his wife was comforting a shivering little wren that she found in the snow. The furious spouse strode over to where his wife was towelling down the cold little bird.”I can’t take it any more! We’ve got to get rid of all of these darn…”The wife held up her hand to cut him off in mid-curse.”Please Dear,” she said, “Not in front of the chilled wren.”

Un hombre llega a un bar y ordena:

“�Mozo, 5 whiskis!”

Se los sirve el mozo y el hombre se los toma. Al rato de tom�rselos:

“�Mozo, 4 whiskis!”

El mozo se los lleva y �l se los toma. Al rato:

“�Mojo, 3 whisky!”

Pasa lo mismo:

“�Moho, 2 whiky!”

En eso, al tomarse los whiskis le dice al mozo:

“�Moho, por qu� ser� que entre meno tomo m� me curo!”

En una competencia para ver qui�n ten�a el pene m�s largo, el primer concursante se saca la pija; �sta media 3 metros, y toda la multitud le abuchea: “uuhhhhh”.

Viene el segundo y se la saca: 5 metros, y la multitud se volvi� loca.

El �ltimo concursante, un viejito todo raqu�tico, se abre el zipper y le sale un cangrejo. Toda la gente que estaba ah� se comenz� a re�r; en eso, el viejito agarra el micr�fono y dice al p�blico: “esp�rense un ratito, esos son s�lo los piojos”.

There was 3 guys, one was a pussy, one was pretty brave, the
other was black and mean. So the 1st guy walks into a stoor and
says “i wanna buy those beans”. The guy gives him his beans and
he goes home. When he opened the beans they said ” I am the
ghost of beanie weenie, touch my beans i bite your weenie”. So
he returns the beans in shock. The 2nd guy buys the beans. He
takes them home and opens them, once again they say “I am the
ghost of beenie weenie touch my beans i bite ur weenie.” He
returns them in shock also. The 3rd guy buys the beans. Takes
them home and opens them up, it says “I am the ghost of beanie
weenie touch my beans i bite your weenie. The black man goes,
“I am the ghost of christmas past, touch my weenie i kick you
ass!”

Venancio consigui� trabajo pintando las rayas del asfalto. Cierto d�a se le acerca el jefe y le reclama:

“Venancio, has trabajado muy bien los primeros d�as, pero �ltimamente has bajado mucho tu calidad. Empezaste muy bien y ahorita andas muy abajo de tu promedio: la primer semana pintaste un kil�metro; la segunda semana 600 metros; la tercer semana 400 metros, y �ltimamente s�lo has pintado 200 metros, �qu� te ha pasado?”

Responde muy enojado Venancio:

“�Hombre, que cada vez me queda m�s lejos el bote de pintura!”

There are four people on a plane. Pilot, The Smartest Man in the World, a father, and a son.

The pilot does something wrong so the plane is about to crash. There are only 3 paracutes.

The pilot says “I need to survive this crash to go on piloting more planes.” He grabs one and jumps off the plane.

The smartest man inthe world says ” I need to survive this crash teaching people of my knowledge.” He grabs one and jumps off.

The father says “Son you can have the last paracute I have lived longer than you and had more experience in life so go ahead.”

The son says “Thats ok Dad the smart man took my backpack…”

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce tribe. The chief comes to them and says, “The bad news is that now that we’ve caught you, we’re going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.”

The Frenchman says, “I take ze poison.” The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, “Vive la France!” and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, “A pistol for me, please.” The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, “God save the queen!” and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, “Gimme a fork.” The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over –the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There’s blood gushing out all over, it’s horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, “What are you doing???”

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, “So much for your canoe, asshole!”

A doctor died and was being screened for the destination of his soul’s eternal afterlife.

Unfortunately he’d been a bit of a lout and greedy to boot, so he wasn’t quite certain what to expect.

Upon his arrival at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him and informed the Doctor that he would be allowed to choose from one of the doors before him, but that because of his greed and misdeeds, he may find the choices rather disturbing.

Upon opening the first door, he saw fire and brimstone of truly Biblical proportions, a horrifying sight, so he quickly shut the door.

After looking through the second door, he was even more horrified to see various tortured souls ravaged by plague, disease, and other maladies too terrible to mention, while an evil guard stood watch.

Nervously he opened the third door to discover groups of white-coated male physicians, being waited on hand and foot by beautiful young women dressed in little more than nursing caps!

He rushed excitedly back to Saint Peter and said, “I’ll take the third door!”

“Oh, no, I’m afraid that’s not possible,” exclaimed Saint Peter. “That’s NURSE’S Hell!”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman

A man and a woman were talking.The woman asked the man,”three black roosters were sitting on a fence,how many feet were there all together?”
The man replies,”there are six feet.”
“Ok”,says the woman,”how many beeks are there?”
The man replies,”three.”
The woman then says,”A white cat comes along and jumps on the fence,how many whiskers does it have?”
The man answers,”six,no wait eight.” The woman asked,”are you sure?”
“No” replies the man
Then the woman asked,”how is it that you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy?”

How long is your one?
I have one.
You have one.
Your mother uses your father’s one
and your auntie uses your uncle’s one.
A married lady would acquire one.
But a divorced lady would lose her one.
A Pope does not use his one.
Lee Kuan Yew has a short-short one.
Mao Ze Dong had a hairy one.
Lord Krishna had a long-long one.
Arnold Schwarzenneger has a longer one.
Michael J. Fox has a shorter one.
Madonna does not have one.
The Chinese usually have short ones.
While the Indian usually have long ones.
Do you have one?
How long is your one?
Which one is your preferred one?
See below for answer)

Answer : Your Surname,( What were you
thinking of,
huh???)