Category: other

There’s a Canadian an American and an Iraqi. Each is challenged to go into and remain in a house for ten minutes. The prize is $10,000 dollars. What they don’t know is that there is a skunk in the house!The Canadian goes in and runs out after five seconds, “It stinks in there!”The American goes in and last ten seconds.Then the Iraqi goes in and five seconds later the skunk runs out!

Un tipo que se dirige a trabajar es solicitado por Manolo, que estaba de paseo por ah�:

“Oiga, por favor, �me podr�a decir que autob�s tengo que abordar para ir al museo de la ciudad?”

“S�, aqu� mismo, coja el n�mero 48”.

A mediod�a, nuestro hombre vuelve del trabajo para ir a comer y se encuentra a Manolo que est� todav�a esperando en la parada del autob�s.

“Pero �qu� hace todav�a aqu�, no le dije que cogiera el 48?”

“S�, ya han pasado cuarenta y tres autobuses, s�lo faltan cinco”.

Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a
stall and went over to take a look. “What’s going on?” Ed asked one of the
crowd.

“We’re watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine,” he
said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. “Nobody has managed to stay on
for the full three minutes yet. And there’s a prize of $1000 for anybody who
can.

“I can do that!” Ed said confidently.
“No you can’t,” said Ted.
“I sure as hell can!” said Ed.

“You’ll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster,” said Ted.
“Watch this,” said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine.

The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles
but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was
bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three
minutes were up Ed was still on the machine’s back acknowledging the cheers and
cries from the small crowd.

He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. “Where in hell did you
learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?” Ted asked.

“Remember three months ago,” Ed said…
“When my wife had whooping cough…?”

There are three fellas golfing together, a priest, a doctor and an engineer. Although they are having a great game, a group of three men in front of them are taking forever and holding up thier game. When they finally get back to the club house they decide to complain to the owner. They say,”Hey, we love golfing at your club but there were three guys ahead of us that were just taking forever – ” “Oh, you mean the the three blind fireman.” The owner interupted. “Well whoever they were they were taking too long!” the three golfers replied. The owner replied,”Those three blind firemen can take as long as they want. They saved this club from burning down!” The preist then said, “Wow, that’s fantastic, I’ll keep them in my prayers!” The doctor replied, “Hey, that’s a great story. I’ve got a friend who’s an optometrist, I’ll see what he can do for them!” The engineer looks at them and asks,”Well why can’t they golf at night?”

How does a Jewish American Princess do it doggie-style?

She makes him beg for an hour.

Why do Samoans have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

Estaban dos ni�os cada uno con un trompo y uno le dice al otro:

“A ver, baila el trompo.”

Y el otro le contesta: “No sabo.”

“No se dice no sabo se dice no sepo.”

En ese momento una se�ora estaba escuchando la conversaci�n de los ni�os y les dice:

“No se dice ni no sabo ni no sepo.”

Los ni�os le preguntan:

“Entonces, �C�mo se dice?”

La se�ora les contesta:

“No s�.”

Y los ni�os le dicen:

“Entonces, por qu� se mete en lo que no le importa.”

I can’t beleive they got back together after all that crap!
Who?
Your butt cheeks.

Q. Why does the wind blow from the north in Indiana?

A. Kentucky sucks.

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of Miscellaneous Unproductive Time (code 5309). To our department, unproductive time is not a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing with your unproductive time. The newly installed Activity Based Costing Financial System requires additional information to achieve its goals. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with better precision what you are doing during your unproductive time.Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you may encounter.Extended Task Code List Code # Explanation: 5000 Surfing the Net 5001 Reading/Writing Social Email 5002 Sharing Social E-Mail (see codes #5003, #5004) 5003 Collecting Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E-Mail 5004 Forwarding Jokes and Other Humorous Material via E-Mail 5005 Faxing Jokes and Other Humorous Material to Friends not on E-Mail 5316 Meeting 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting 5318 Trying to sound knowledgeable while in Meeting 5319 Waiting for Break 5320 Waiting for Lunch 5321 Waiting for End of Day 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker 5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker while Coworker Is Not Present 5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend 5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Is Not Interested in Learning 5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid 5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates Me 5481 Buying Snack 5482 Eating Snack 5500 Filling Out Time Sheet 5501 Inventing Time Sheet Entries 5502 Waiting for Something to Happen 5503 Scratching Myself 5504 Sleeping 5510 Feeling Bored 5600 Bitching about Lousy Job (see code #5610) 5601 Bitching about Low Pay (see code #5610) 5602 Bitching about Long Hours (see code #5610) 5603 Bitching about Coworker (see codes #5322, #5323) 5604 Bitching about Boss (see code #5610) 5605 Bitching about Personal Problems 5610 Searching for a New Job 5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Bitching 5701 Not Actually Present at Job 5702 Suffering from Eight-Hour Flu 6102 Ordering Out 6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive 6104 Taking it Easy while Digesting Food 6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit 6201 Stealing Company Goods 6202 Making Excuses after Accidentally Destroying Company Goods 6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distant Personal Calls 6206 Gossiping 6207 Planning a Social Event 6210 Feeling Sorry for Myself 6221 Pretending to Work While Boss is Watching 6222 Pretending to Enjoy My Job 6223 Pretending I Like My Coworkers 6224 Pretending I Like Important People When in Reality They Are Jerks 6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing 6601 Running my Own Business on Company Time (see code #6603) 6602 Complaining 6603 Writing a Book on Company Time 6604 Planning a Vacation on Company Time 6611 Staring Into Space 6612 Staring at Computer Screen 6615 Transcendental Meditation 7281 Extended Trip to the Bathroom (at least 10 min.) 7400 Talking with Divorce Lawyer on Phone 7401 Talking with Plumber on Phone 7402 Talking with Dentist on Phone 7403 Talking with Doctor on Phone 7404 Talking with Masseuse on Phone 7405 Talking with House Painter on Phone 7406 Talking with Personal Therapist on Phone 7419 Talking with Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone 7425 Talking with Mistress/Boy Toy on Phone (also see code #7400) 7931 Asking Coworker to Aid Me in an Illicit Activity 8000 Recreational Drug Use

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He
gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman
to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow
to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.
The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the
Irishman having a cup of tea. ”So have you done the work then?” he asks.

The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn’t give
them a shovel or a wheelbarrow. The boss is infuriated by this and asks the
workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him
going toward the truck. So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is
getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells,
“SUPPLIES!”

This fellow from West Virginia was so ugly that he couldn’t
even get laid at a family reunion.