Patient: Doctor, I accidentally swallowed my glass eye while I was cleaning it.Doctor: OK. Spread your legs and lean over.Patient: (Spreads his legs and leans over).Doctor: My God! In all my years of practice, this is the first time I’ve ever seen an asshole looking back at me!
Category: other
Estaban dos ni�os cada uno
Estaban dos ni�os cada uno con un trompo y uno le dice al otro:
“A ver, baila el trompo.”
Y el otro le contesta: “No sabo.”
“No se dice no sabo se dice no sepo.”
En ese momento una se�ora estaba escuchando la conversaci�n de los ni�os y les dice:
“No se dice ni no sabo ni no sepo.”
Los ni�os le preguntan:
“Entonces, �C�mo se dice?”
La se�ora les contesta:
“No s�.”
Y los ni�os le dicen:
“Entonces, por qu� se mete en lo que no le importa.”
Un d�a, va un borracho
Un d�a, va un borracho por las calles de la ciudad y, urgentemente, se detiene a orinar en un poste. En eso est� cuando en la casa de enfrente ve un cartel que dice:
“VENDO MADRE SIN SENTIMIENTO”
El sujeto se pasa la mano por los ojos y vuelve a leer pensando que hab�a le�do mal, y ve el mismo texto. Como puede toma de su saco papel y l�piz y escribe la direcci�n de la casa.
Al d�a siguiente se levanta; ve el papel sobre la mesa y recuerda el cartel y se dirige a la direcci�n que estaba anotada en el papel. Cuando llega all�, ve con detenimiento el cartel y lee:
“VENDO MADERA, ZINC Y CEMENTO”
Est� un t�o todo triste
Est� un t�o todo triste en el trabajo. Preocupado el jefe se le acerca:
“�Qu� le pasa, Pel�ez?”
“Bueno, en fin… que voy a ser padre dentro de poco”.
“Pero, bueno, �felicidades! �Y a qu� viene esa cara de funeral?”
“Ver�, cuando se entere mi mujer…”
Tony
Why are a lot of Italians named Tony?
Because when they came to the U.S., they wanted to go to New
York, so they wrote on their foreheads: TO NY
Texas builds it larger
A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver “What’s that building there?” “That’s the Royal York Hotel” replied the cabbie. “The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?” asked the Texan. “About 12 years” replied the cabbie.”12 years? We build ’em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months.” A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre. “What’s that building over there?” asked the Texan. “That’s the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre” replied the cabbie. “Convention Centre? How long’d it take to build that?” asked the Texan. “About three years” replied the cabbie. “Three years? We build ’em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only takes us about two weeks.” Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the CN Tower. “What’s that building there?” asks the Texan, pointing at the tower. “Danged if I know” replied the cabbie, “It wasn’t here when I drove by yesterday.”
Two Girlfriends
There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn’t get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl.He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: “I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone”
The History Of Casual Day
Memo No. 1: Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity.
Memo No. 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Memo No. 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday’s wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Memo No. 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday’s seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper dress.
Memo No. 6: The Casual Day Task Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of “Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards” has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter “You Are What You Wear” and consult the “home casual” versus “business casual” checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.
Memo No. 7: Because of lack of participation, Casual Day has been discontinued, effective immediately.
Little Stacy
Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Stacy says: “When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!”
Sister Catherine’s eyes grow wide and she barks: “What did you say?”
“A prostitute!” Stacy repeats.
Sister Catherine breathes a sight of relief and says: “Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant…”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
horney
im horney
osama 2
Q: Whats the difference between bin laden and alladin ?
A: Aladdin has three wishes and osama only has one , a death
wish.
Era vez que una pareja
Era vez que una pareja que al momento de hacer el amor la mujer dec�a:
“Mi amor no es por nada pero no siento nada…”
Y el hombre sienti�ndose mal fue al m�dico y le dijo:
“Doctor, d�game que puedo hacer, al momento de hacer el amor con mi esposa ella me dice que no siente nada…”
El doctor le responde:
“�Usted tiene aire acondicionado?”
“No.”
“Bueno, amigo, lo que tiene que hacer es busque algo que la refresque mientras tiene relaciones.”
El hombre va y busca a un negro con un abanico, y empieza a hacer el amor con su mujer, luego le pregunta:
“�Amor sientes algo?”
“No.”
Dice el hombre:
“�Dame el abanico y ponte tu!”
El hombre mientras abanicaba le pregunta a la mujer:
“�Amor sientes?”
“S� mi amor. �Ricooooo!”
Entonce el hombre le dice al negro:
“�Viste negro que tu no sabes abanicar!”