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El presidente de un pa�s latinoamericano re�ne a todo el mundo en el Palacio de Gobierno, prensa y medios de comunicaci�n inclu�dos, para anunciar algo importante. Entonces llega y dice:

“Compatriotas, les tengo 2 noticias, una buena y una mala.”

Entonces todo el mundo: “�Cual es la buena?”

“La buena es que ya pagamos la deuda externa con Estados Unidos.”

“�Y la mala?”

“�Pues que tenemos quince dias para desocupar el pais!”

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his
computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all
of the bickering.
Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two
hours and I will judge who does the better job.”
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They mouse. They
did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They
sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy
reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their
time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain
poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the
underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and
each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I
lost everything when the power went out!”
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past
two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.
“Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”
God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.””Well,” answered the priest, “that’s not a sin.”‘”But I made him agree to pay me 200 Euros for every week he stayed.””I admit that wasn’t good, but you did it for a good cause.””Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind.” He paused for a moment and then said, “I have one more question…””What is that, my son?””Do I have to tell him the war is over?”

A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the lawyer’s rates.
“$50.00 for three questions”, replied the lawyer.
“Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man.
“Yes,” the lawyer replied, ” and what was your third question?”

Yo mama’s so disgusting she got kicked out of red lobster for bringing her own crabs.

Este era un lorito muy tir�n, y todos los d�as se cog�a a los animales de la tienda donde se encontraban, hasta que un d�a una se�ora lo decide comprar.

La se�ora ten�a una gata, y todos los d�as al llegar a la casa ve�a a la gata toda exhausta, y dec�a: “Ohhhh se han cogido a la gata”.

As� pas� una semana, hasta que tom� al loro y le dijo: “�Si ma�ana te coges a la gata te encierro en el refrigerador!”

Al d�a siguiente la gata estaba cogida otra vez y la mujer encerr� al loro en el refrigerador. Pasaron tres dias, y se acord� del loro, y cuando abre la puerta del refrigerador ve al loro todo sudado y �ste le dice:

“�CO�O, ESE POLLO SI QUE TIENE EL CULO DURO!”

A blind man was describing his favorite sport – parachuting.

When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him:
“I am placed in the door and told when to jump.
My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked.

“I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground,” he answered.

But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked.

He quickly answered “Oh, that’s the easy part. It’s when the dog’s leash goes slack.”

Yo’ mama so fat, she can stand over the homeless and give them a home!

Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the
form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country
people’s fashion.

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose lovecall. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, “Okay, lets get out and get him.”

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, “The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?”

The guy in the front says, “Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself.”

25 SIGNS THAT YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE HI-TECH AGE1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.3. You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s time to eat. He emails you back from his bedroom, “What’s for dinner?”4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven’t spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.7. You check your blow-dryer to see if it’s Y2K compliant.8. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox asking you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.9. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.10. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.11. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.12. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.17. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.19. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.20. You turn off your Modem and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.21. You get up in morning and go online before getting your coffee.22. You wake up at 2am to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on your way back to bed.23. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)24. You’re reading this.25. Even worse; you’re going to forward it to someone else.

Two bulls were sitting on a hill, overlooking a herd of heifers below.

The young bull says, “Hey, why don’t we run down there and screw a few of those heifers?”

The old, wise bull shakes his head and says, “Nah, why don’t we walk down there and screw all of them?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman