Category: other

One day, Grandma sent her grandson Peter down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.

As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma’s kitchen.

“Now, where’s my bucket and my water?” Grandma asked him.

“I can’t get any water from that water hole, Grandma.” cried Peter. “There’s a BIG ol’ alligator down there!

“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Peter. He’s been there for a few years now, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”

“Well, Grandma,” replied Peter, “If he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

Where’d you get that?
Get what?
That stupid look on your face!

A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the lawyer’s rates.
“$50.00 for three questions”, replied the lawyer.
“Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man.
“Yes,” the lawyer replied, ” and what was your third question?”

Q: What do you call a blind deer?
A: “No-eye deer”

Why did the ram fall off the cliff?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.

Your mom is like a hockey player because she doesn’t change her pad for 3 periods.

Q: How many Quality managers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: We’ve formed a quality circle to study the problem of why lightbulbs burn out and to determine the best thing we as managers can do to enable lightbulbs to work smarter, not harder.

Take off that mask! Don’t you think it’s a little early for Halloween?

Talk is cheap, but so are you.

That’s a very meaty question and I’d like to give it a very meaty answer
-baloney!

The closest she/he’ll ever get to a brainstorm is a slight drizzle.

The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I bought these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?”, the priest asked.

“They only know how to say Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?”

“That’s terrible”, the priest exclaimed, “But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.”

“Thank you.” said the lady.

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. The priest’s two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots and the female parrots say, “Hi, we are prostitutes Do you want to have some FUN?”

One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says,

“Put the bibles away our prayers have been answered”

A guy phones a law office and says: “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The
receptionist replies “I’m sorry but he died last week.”
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist
replies “I told you yesterday, he died last week.”

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this
time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says “I keep telling you
that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?”

The guy says, “Because I just love hearing it.”

“I’m never going to work for that man again””Why, what did he say?””You’re fired”

How do u get an etheopian in a phone box?

put a tin of beans in it.

How do u get it out again?

Run past wiv a can opener.