Category: other

1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order,
using colorful expletives in ways which would
embarrass the patrons inside.
2. Drive through backwards.
3. Belch your order.
4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with
transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers
are unable to hear each other and, thus,
each raises his/her volume.
5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
6. Walk through.
7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to).
When the manager comes to the mic,
speak English and inquire as to why
the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
8. Repeat everything the order-taker says.
9. Attempt to take the order-takers order
(“Hi, may I take your order?”) before they get
a chance to take yours.
10. Order confusing items, i.e.,
“Hi, I’ll have a large orange Coke and
a small medium fries, please”.
11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order,
then slip out of line and watch the fun as
the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.
12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food,
hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they’ll
dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.
13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.
14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker
will think there is a problem with the speaker
and ask you to order at the window.
When you arrive at the window,
speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.
15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone.
When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at
their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone
speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their
own voice.
17. One word: Flatulence!
18. Have a friend hide in the trunk.
When you approach the window to pickup your order,
have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.
19. If you are a male,
have a female friend place the order by speaking
VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker.
When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept
your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow
employees have been called over to the window to
“check out the babe”.
20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.

A horny young man went to a brothel…The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available.

Madam, “On the first floor, we have the ex-models… they are all slinky and sexy… On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses…they are all buxom and beautiful… On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers….they…”

Man, “Say no more! Lead me to the third floor.”

Madam, “Are you sure… I’m surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses.”

Man, “It’s obvious, ma’am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you’re perfect at it.”

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first guy said, “Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older.”

“What do you mean?” asked the second guy.

“Well,” replied the first. “I can barely remember the last time I was able to get it up in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!”

“Healthier? How is that?” his buddy wondered.

“Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she’d get these terrible headaches” he answered. “Now that we’re older, she hasn’t had a headache in years.”

An Indian brave returns from a scouting trip and seeks out the Chief.”Chief, I have bad news, worse news and good news.”The Chief asks for the bad news first.Scout says, “No more buffalo on reservation, we kill last one today.”Chief asks for the worse news.Brave says, “Our land is being overrun by white men. They are coming by thethousands.”Finally the chief asks for the good news.The brave says, “Chief, the white men taste just like buffalo.”

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

2) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

3) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.

4) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.

5) If you can remain calm while all others around you are losing their heads, maybe you just don’t understand the problem.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seatbelt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn’t considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”The other driver leaned out of his window.”I hate to tell you, man,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”

A little boy and his father walk into a drugstore and proceed down the aisle with the condoms.

The little boy sees a 3-pack of Trojans and asks his father who needs a 3-pack of condoms.

The father replies, “That’s for the high school boys, one for Friday night, one for Saturday night, and one for Sunday night.”

The little boy then asks, “Well, what about this 6-pack of condoms?”

The father says, “That’s for the college boys, two on Friday, two on Saturday, and two on Sunday.”

The little boy’s eyes widen when he sees the 12-pack of condoms and asks incredously, “What kind of man needs a 12-pack?”

The father replies, “Relax, son, that’s for the married man, one for January, one for February,…..”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

What do Roseanne and a battleship have in common?
They both need three tugs to get into their slips.

An Englishman was recently asked about the differences betweenEnglish and American people. He said there were three:1. We speak English and you don’t.2. When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries.3. When you meet the Head of State in England, you only have to go down on one knee.

There was this Father from the town’s Catholic Church who would visit the
area’s nursing homes.

One day upon entering his last nursing home he was met by the head nurse.
She said “Mrs. Smith has been waiting for you all day, and she wanted to
make sure you didn’t forget her.”

The Father apologized for being so late and went on into Mrs. Smith’s
room. He sat next to her and started talking and said a little prayer for
her. Then Mrs. Smith started to talk about her day. While he was
listening, he noticed a small bowl of peanuts next to her.

The father Interupted, and asked if he could have a few of the
peanuts.

She of course said yes, and continued on and on, talking about
her day.

The Father interrupted her again and said “Mrs. Smith I’m sorry, I’ve
eaten almost all your peanuts.”

Mrs. Smith looked at him and said, “Don’t worry about it at all, I can’t
eat peanuts, I just like to eat the chocolate off of them.”

Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the US study were incorrect. After three years of research and costs in excess of $250,000, they concluded that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.When the results of the German study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didn’t trust the US or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research at a cost of around $75, the Aussie study reached a conclusion. They came to the final conclusion that the reason the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent his hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

Manolo y Paco se hacen narcotraficantes. En el primer intento de pasar mercader�a al pa�s vecino, son descubiertos por la guardia fronteriza. A Manolo lo hieren de un balazo en una pierna y lo detienen. Paco, con mejor suerte, logra huir. Un mes despu�s Paco va a visitar a Manolo, quien le dice:

“Paco, hazme un favor. La herida en la pierna se me ha infectado y aqu� en la c�rcel me la van a cortar. Quiero que recojas esa pierna y la lleves a enterrar a nuestro pueblo.”

“Por supuesto.”

A la semana siguiente, Paco retira la pierna extirpada, la lleva a su terru�o y procede muy compungido a su entierro. Vuelve al pa�s vecino a visitar a Manolo y �ste le dice:

“Paco, el maldito virus de la herida se ha extendido. Es menester que me corten la otra pierna. �No har�as lo mismo que hiciste con la anterior?”

Casi llorando, Paco acepta. A los pocos idas va a la enfermer�a, le entregan la pierna de Manolo y cumple la misma ceremonia de enterrarla en su terru�o. Un mes despu�s va a visitar a Manolo a la c�rcel y escucha esto:

“Mira Paco, esta endemoniada infecci�n no quiere detenerse. Se me ha extendido al brazo derecho y me lo van a cortar; yo te pido que…”

Paco lo interrumpe muy sonriente y acerc�ndosele para hablarle en secreto le dice: “�Qu� h�bil que eres Manolo… �Ya me he dado cuenta, ��te est�s fugando de a poco, eh?!