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Un borrach�n aborda un autob�s de servicio p�blico. Al momento de querer pagar, el conductor arranca y el temulento se va dando traspi�s hacia atr�s del veh�culo. Luego, al enfrenar el cami�n, se desliza hacia delante, y as� durante dos Km. Al momento de bajarse el chofer le exige:
“�Oye, g�ey, p�game!”
Con voz tartajosa, el borracho reclama:
“�Por qu�, pendejo? Si me vine caminando todo el trayecto”.
El marido llega a su casa a las cuatro de la ma�ana, despu�s de una juerga, y se acerca sigilosamente a la cama. Toma el reloj y lo atrasa cuatro horas, y empieza a desvestirse. Al sentirlo, la mujer se despierta y le reclama:
“�Qu� horas de llegar? �Vago! �Parrandero!”
“�Pero si son las 12! �Por qu� me reclamas? En lugar de eso, deber�as ser m�s considerada y traerme un vaso con agua”.
La mujer ve que efectivamente son las 12, y se levanta a traer el agua, pero al llegar a la cocina ve en el reloj que son las cuatro y regresa a la rec�mara hecha una fiera.
“�Mentiroso, borracho! �Son las cuatro de la ma�ana!”
“�Es cierto! �Cuatro horas para traerme un vaso de agua? �D�nde andabas, perdida?”
What does a nun wear on a date?
A Cross Your Heart Bra and No-nonsense pantyhose.
One day, Grandma sent her grandson Peter down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma’s kitchen.
“Now, where’s my bucket and my water?” Grandma asked him.
“I can’t get any water from that water hole, Grandma.” cried Peter. “There’s a BIG ol’ alligator down there!
“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Peter. He’s been there for a few years now, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”
“Well, Grandma,” replied Peter, “If he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Where’d you get that?
Get what?
That stupid look on your face!
Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, “Is God male or female?”
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, “Well, honey, God is both
male and female.”
This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, “Is God black or white?”
“Well, God is both black and white.”
This further confuses him so he asks, “Is God gay or straight?”
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless, “Honey, God
is both gay and straight.”
At this Little Johnny’s face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly
asks, “Mom, is God Michael Jackson?”
There was a guy walking down the street in San Francisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp.
He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thought it was priceless.
While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in, it rubbed against his shirt.
POOF! A genie popped out of his pocket!
The very angry looking Genie said, “All right, I have had enough with this three wish stuff, and ‘cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special, I will only give you one wish!”
The surprised man said, “OK, I want to live in Hawaii in a huge condo on the beach with three million dollars in the master bedroom, but I am afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a bridge from here to Hawaii.”
The genie replied with a smirk, “Are you crazy? Do you know how long that will take, with the pillars going down to the bottom of the ocean, all the cement it would take for the highway? No I’m sorry, it just can’t happen.”
The man said, “Fine then, I want to understand women.”
The genie said, ” Would you like two lanes or four?
Un muchacho se llamaba Pascual Arroyo y estaba en la escuela. La maestra siempre llamaba a los estudiantes para que dijeran “�Presente!”, y cuando la maestra dec�a: “Pascual Arroyo,” �l contestaba: “Me pica el jollo.”
Llegaba el otro d�a y �l volv�a a decir “me pica el jollo”, y a la maestra le molestaba mucho.
Un d�a a la maestra se le ocurri� decir el nombre al rev�s, y llega el d�a de clase y la maestra dice:
“�Arroyo Pascual!”
Y �l le contesta:
“�Me pica igual!”
A man with a terrible sore throat walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something to relieve it.
The pharmacist says, “Well, I could give you any number of things but they won’t really do you much good. However, I can tell you what I do when I have a bad sore throat like you have.”
“Really? What’s that?” asks the man.
“I go straight home and have my wife give me a good blow job. I suggest you try that.”
“Sounds great!” says the man, “Is your wife home now?”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by ���rt��
One day a priest and a nun went golfing.
The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy put. He shouted, “Damn, missed again.”
The nun, shocked, warned him “God will get you for that.”
The next hole the same thing occurred. After the priest screamed “Damn It! Missed again” the nun repeated her warning “God will get you for that!”
On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun could repeat her warning, A bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and struck the nun dead.
A deep voice from the clouds boomed out “Damn It! Missed again!”.
What�s black and crisp and hangs from the ceiling?
An [ethnic] electrician.
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?A: Winnie the Pooh!