Category: other

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the
second. “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own
bungee-jumping service in Mexico.” The second guy thinks this is
a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything
they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they
are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly,
more and more people gather to watch them at work.

The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when
he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts
and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn’t able catch him,

he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is
bruised and bleeding. Again,the second guy misses him. The first
guy falls again and bounces back up.

This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of
broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy
finally catches him this time and says, “What happened? Was the
cord too long?”. The first guy says, “No, the cord was fine, but
what the heck is a pinata?”

One day grandpa says to grandma “Why don’t we go to the motel like we used to do when we were young and get kinky?”

So they get to the motel and go into the room.

Grandpa takes off his glasses and says he going to get into the shower to freshen up. In the meantime grandma takes off her clothes and gets into bed. She decides to do some leg stretches to limber up ( it’s been awhile ). Well she throws her legs over her head and they get caught in the headboard.

Right then grandpa walks out of the bathroom and sees her that way. “My God woman” he says “you need to put your teeth in and comb your hair, you look like an asshole!”

A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass the kid.”Aren’t you a little young to be drinking, son?” he asked.”That’s nothing,” the kid said after taking a swig of beer.”I got laid when I was three.””What? How did that happen?””I don’t remember. I was drunk.”

Van Gogh After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

* His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh

* The brother who ate prunes: Gotta Gogh

* The brother who worked at a convenience store: Stopn Gogh

* The brother who bleached his clothes white: Hue Gogh

* The cousin from Illinois: Chica Gogh

* His magician uncle: Wherediddy Gogh

* His Mexican cousin: Amee Gogh

* The Mexican cousin’s American half brother: Grin Gogh

* The nephew who drove a stage coach: Wellsfar Gogh

* The constipated uncle: Can’t Gogh

* The ballroom dancing aunt: Tan Gogh

* The bird lover uncle: Flamin Gogh

* His nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh

* The fruit loving cousin: Man Gogh

* An aunt who taught positive thinking: Wayto Gogh

* The little bouncy nephew: Poe Gogh

* A sister who loved disco: Go Gogh

* His Italian uncle: Day Gogh

* The second cousin with the tiny car: Yu Gogh

* And his niece who travels the country in a van: Winnie Bay Gogh

Thoughts and stories from on the job

My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a
rage, “Is this what you get paid for ?” I told him, “Nope ! I do this for free.”

This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff
too. I remember once he posted a sign which read “Today is the tomorrow you
worried about yesterday.” I couldn’t resist and added a note: “And now you know
why too”.

Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder
with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said,
“Yeah, how does this thing work ?” I took the papers from her hand and
demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another
confused expression, so I said, “Any questions ?” She said, “Yeah, exactly where
do the copies come out from ?”

People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah ??? When’s the
last time ya ever heard of anyone who “rested to death”.

Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never
anybody around to appreciate it.

Our Office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have
computers which spoke as well as listened; Hell, some of them even got ulcers.

Did ya ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough
time to do all their work are the same ones who always stop & tell everyone that
they don’t have enuff time to do all their work.

How many animals can you find in a woman’s pantyhose?There are 10 little piggies… 2 calves… an ass… a beaver… and a fish no one can find

Yo’ mama so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

What are the first 3 words in the Mexican national anthem?

“Attention K-Mart shoppers.”

After marrying a young filly, a ninety-year-old geezer told his doctor that they were expecting a baby.

“Let me tell you a story,” said the doctor. “An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella. Suddenly a bear charged him. Pointing his umbrella at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot.”

“Impossible!” the geezer exclaimed. “Somebody else must have shot that bear.”

“Exactly,” replied the doctor.

Your brain is so small that if they put it on the edge of a razor blade, it would look like a BB rolling down an eight lane highway.

whats the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant women?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

10) Assassinate Archduke Ferdinand

9) Be at the Grassy Knoll on time

8) Handle the Tiemann Square demonstration

7) Drop package off at Hiroshima

6) Build that fence in Berlin the wife’s been nagging me about

5) Come up with some sort of “Final Solution” to the Jewish problem

4) Visit Oklahoma City

3) Build a Greenhouse

2) Safety inspect Chernobyl factory

1) Create America Online