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Cuando Dios hizo el mundo, para que los hombres prosperaran decidi� darles dos virtudes: A los Gringos los hizo ordenados y respetuosos de la ley; a los Ingleses, tenaces y estudiosos; a los Japoneses, trabajadores y pacientes, y as� sucesivamente.

Cuando lleg� a los Nicarag�enses, le dijo al �ngel, que anotara en una planilla lo siguiente: “Estos van a ser inteligentes, honestos, y Arnoldistas”.

Cuando termin� de hacer el mundo, el �ngel le llam� la atenci�n y le dijo: “Santo Padre, t� has dado a todos los pueblos del mundo dos virtudes, pero a los nicarag�enses les has dado tres. Eso har� que ellos prevalezcan por encima de todos los otros pueblos de la tierra”.

“Caramba” dijo el Se�or, “��es cierto!!, pero como los dones de Dios no deben quitarse, deberemos remediar esto. A partir de hoy los Nicas conservar�n esas tres virtudes, pero para no prevalecer por sobre los dem�s, ninguno podr� ejercer m�s de dos virtudes simult�neamente”.

Es por eso, que desde ese momento, el Nica que es Arnoldista y honesto, no puede ser inteligente; el que es inteligente y Arnoldista, no puede ser honesto, y el que es inteligente y honesto, jam�s podr� ser partidario de Arnoldo Alem�n.

Moraleja: “Dios sabe muy bien hacer sus cosas”

1. How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? Ten! One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

2. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be the one that has been chosen to be changed.

3. How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? Change???? Who said anything about change?

4. How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows. They can’t tell the difference between light and darkness.

5. How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb? One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

6. How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.

7. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

8. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. They use candles.

9. How many worship leaders who use guitars does it take to change a light bulb? One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

10. How many members of an established Bible teaching church that is over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb? One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

11. How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb? This statement was issued. “We chose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey. you have found that a light bulb works for you, that’s fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.”

12. How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb? “What light bulb?”

13. How many youth Pastors does it take to change a light bulb? Youth pastors aren’t around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.

14. How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? 109. Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-committee who report to the 12 on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Committee Executive of 5, who place it on the agenda of the 18 member Finance committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27 member Church Board, who appoint another 12 member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another 8 member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of the light bulb, and the congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a 7 member committee to find the best price on new light bulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware store has the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23 member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connections to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.

The Top Old Fart Games:

10. Musical Recliners
9. Spin the bottle of Mylanta
8. Hide and Go Pee
7. Simon Says something Incoherent
6. Doc, Doc Goose
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse says Bend Over
4. Kick the Bucket
3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear
2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
1. Sag, You’re It

Do you know why New Yorkers are always so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

A man goes to the doctor for a checkup. After the checkup, the doctor tells the man he has bad news. “You only have six months to live.”

The man sits for a while thinking, and then says, “There’s only one thing I can do, I’m going to become a Communist.”

The doctor asks,”You’ve been a patriotic American all your life, why are you going to become a Communist now?”

The man says, “Better one of them should die than one of us!”

What’s the difference between a toad and a horny toad? One goes “Ribbit” and the other goes “Rubbit.”

In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

There once was a man with a lisp who wanted a job as a salesman really badly. So one day he went to a salesperson and told him how much he wanted the job. The salesperson didn’t think he had the potential to be a salesman but he decided to give him a chance anyways. So he said to the man “If you can sell these toothbrushes, I will give you a job as a salesman.”

A week later, the man comes back with a big grin on his face and tells the salesperson that he has sold all the toothbrushes. Astonished, the salesperson asks, “How did you do it?! I have been trying to sell those brushes for months now.”

“It was quite easy,” said the man. “Here, want a piece of chocolate?”

“Sure,” said the salesperon and ate it.

“This chocolate tastes like shit!” he yelled disgusted.

“It is,” said the man smiling. “Want a toothbrush?”

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench outside a church on a Sunday morning. They are both dressed in rags, each is holding a top hat, the one has a large cross around his neck and the other a large Star of David. After church, the congregants file out, each placing money in the hat belonging to the beggar with the cross while ignoring the beggar with the Star of David. Soon the hat of the beggar with the cross is overflowing with money while the other beggar’s hat remains empty.

A priest who has been watching this approaches the bench and says to the beggar with the Star of David around his neck “My son, surely you realize you are in a Christian country, in a Christian neighborhood, on a Sunday morning, sitting outside a church? How can you possibly expect anyone to give you any money, especially since you are wearing a large Star of David around your neck?”

On hearing this the beggar with the Star of David around his neck turns to the other beggar and says “Moshe, can you believe this priest trying to tell us how to run our business!”

How do you make a whore moan?Don’t pay her!

Q: What is the difference between a Methodist and a Baptist?

A: A Methodist will at lest say “Hi” to you in a liquor store.

This guy goes to a whorehouse and says to the Madam, “I want to get screwed.”

The Madam tells him to go up to room #12 and knock on the door. The guy walks up to the door, knocks on it, and says, “I really want to get screwed, bad!”

A very sexy voice replies “Just slide $20 under the door.”

So the man slides the $20 under the door and waits… Nothing Happens! He knocks on the door again, and yells out “I want to get screwed!”

The sexy voice behind the door answers, “Again?”