The worst racist joke

So there is this guy named Bubba who lives in the South who is totally racist. He hates everyone of ethnic background so much that when ever he sees anyone of color walking down the street he runs them over with his truck.

One day Bubba’s wife invites the town preacher over for dinner and Bubba has to pick the preacher up and drive him to Bubba’s house. Sure enough there is a black guy walking on the side of the road hitch hiking.

Bubba cannot control his urge to hit the guy so he thinks to himself “If I pretend to pass out I can swerve over and hit the guy and the preacher will be none the wiser”. So Bubba pretends to pass out and swerves over, after he hears a thump he pretends to wake up. He says to the preacher “Please tell me I didn’t hit that hitchhiker”.

The preacher turns to Bubba and says “No son, but I got him with the door.”

En Tontilandia, una pareja est�ril

En Tontilandia, una pareja est�ril adopta un beb� camboyano. Inmediatamente se inscriben en una academia de lenguas orientales. La secretaria del lugar les pregunta por qu� raz�n quieren aprender los idiomas de oriente. Y el orgulloso padre responde:

“Es que adoptamos un beb� camboyano. Todav�a no habla, pero cuando empiece queremos poder entender lo que diga”.

Genaro se muere y va

Genaro se muere y va al para�so, llega a las puertas del cielo y se encuentra con una larga cola. Estando all� una rubia le hace se�as, viendo esto se le acerca a San Pedro y le hace el comentario a lo que le responde San Pedro:

“P�gatela, ya estas aqu�, tu ten�as que portarte bien en la tierra.”

A lo que Genaro le dice:

“�D�nde me la pego?”

San Pedro le responde:

“Ah� en la gramita.”

Genaro se coge a la rubia y vuelve a su puesto en la cola, en eso una morena despampanante le hace se�as y nuevamente le comenta a San Pedro a lo que este le responde que se la pegue en la gramita. Genaro va y zuas se la coge.

Estando en la cola nuevamente, le dan ganas de cagar, y le pregunta a San Pedro:

“San Pedro, �donde puedo echar mi cagaita?”

A lo que �ste le responde:

“�Ddonde m�s, ah� en la gramita!”

“�Y con qu� me limpio?”

“Pues con la gramita.”

Cuando arranca la grama, Genaro siente un co�azo en la nuca y se cae de la cama, la mujer le dice:

“�Co�o’e tu madre, despu�s que me coges dos veces y me cagas, tambi�n me vas a arrancar los pelos de la cuca!”

Two fat Indian squaws are walking across a…

Two fat Indian squaws are walking across a train bridge.

One says,”I got to pee” so she sqats down and pees.

She puts her hand over her mouth and stars to laugh, “heee”.

The other one says,”hey, what so funny?”

“I just peed in a canoe full of moose meat.”

The other sqaw says,”that’s not moose meat, that’s your reflection!”

Stewardess Comments

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

  • “As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.”
  • “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…”
  • “Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”
  • “We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.
  • Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.
  • Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it’s warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it’s dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y’all wanna go there I really don’t know.”
  • Pilot – “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land… it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.”
  • And, after landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
  • As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head steward announced on the intercom, “This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft.
  • As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella…WHOA..!
  • “Here are a few heard from Northwest: “Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.
  • As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.
  • “And from the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry… Unfortunately none of them are on this flight.”

1. El Hombre Mamita deber�

1. El Hombre Mamita deber� someterse a los caprichos de la Gobernadora de turno.

2. El Hombre Mamita debe ser orgullo de su Gobernadora ante sus amigas.

3. Para su participaci�n en cualquier acto, sea este p�blico o privado, el Hombre Mamita
deber� contar con la previa y expresa autorizaci�n de su Gobernadora.

4. La Declaraci�n Universal de los Derechos Humanos no se hizo para el Hombre Mamita.

5. El Hombre Mamita no tiene opini�n propia. Ante cualquier eventualidad debe consultar
a su Gobernadora.

6. El Hombre Mamita s�lo tocar� el control remoto de la tv para pasarlo a su Gobernadora.

7. Cualquier malestar, f�sico o mental, de la Gobernadora es culpa del Hombre Mamita.

8. El Hombre Mamita no apetecer� la Gobernadora ajena.

9. El Hombre Mamita nunca se burlar� de otros Hombres Mamita en p�blico.

10. El Hombre Mamita siempre estar� orgulloso de ser Hombre Mamita.

You Know You’re From Utah When…..

Green jell-o with carrots mixed in doesn’t seem strange.

You can pronounce Tooele.

The U is not just a letter – Neither is the Y.

You are not surprised to hear words like “Darn, Fetch, Flip”, “Oh, My Heck” and “Shoot”.

Your tulips get snowed on three times after they come up and twice more after they bloom.

Hunting season is a school holiday.

The largest liquor store is the state government.

You can go skiing and play golf on the same day.

30% humidity is muggy and almost unbearable.

Somewhere in your family tree is a polygamist.

You know the difference between a ‘Steak House’ and a ‘Stake House’.

You can see the stars at night

You were an aunt or uncle before you were three.

Your spouse’s mother was pregnant at your wedding.

You have more children than you can find biblical names for.

Your family considers a trip to McDonald’s a night out..

Your first child was conceived on your honeymoon.

You drink Coke from a brown paper bag.

You consider a temple recommend a credit reference.

You believe that you must be 18 or older to order coffee at a restaurant.

You wonder why fire truck drivers honk when you drive 35 mph in the left lane on the freeway.

You think Jack Daniels is a country western singer.

You can make Jell-O salad without the recipe.

You have two gallons of ice cream in your freezer at all times.

Your father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.

Cars in the slow lane are traveling the fastest; cars in the fast lane are traveling the slowest; cars in the middle lanes are always trying to exit.

You have to ask for the uncensored version of “Titanic.”

Hotel rooms all have the Book of Mormon.

You buy your wardrobe at the local grocery superstore.

You learn about the Mormon Church by taking history in elementary school.

Schools stay open, even if two feet of snow falls overnight, but close for the opening of hunting season.

People wear shorts and T-shirts if the temperature rises above 32 degrees.

There is a church on every corner, but they all teach the same thing.

The most popular public transportation system is a ski lift.

People drive to Idaho (or Arizona) to pick up a gallon of milk so they can play the lottery.

In-state college football rivalries are bigger than the Super Bowl.

Every driveway has a minivan and a pickup truck.

When you buy a new vehicle, cigarette lighters are optional equipment but gun and ski racks are standard.

Every time a new family moves into your neighborhood, the local elementary school has to hire a new teacher.

Your paycheck has an additional 10 percent deduction.

“Temple recommends” is acceptable identification for cashing a check.

More movies are filmed in your town than in Hollywood.

You make a toast with red punch at your wedding reception.

You have more raw wheat stored than some Third World countries.

Your idea of a good time is playing Pictionary in the cultural hall.

Your idea of a wild party is a six pack of Pepsi and a PG-13 movie.

You measure Kool-Aid by parts per million.

You think “You’re a 10 cow wife” is a compliment.