Category: other

A Polish man finds a jeannie lamp on the beach, he rubs it and the jeannie
comes out and says: “I grant you one wish.”

He said to the jeannie, “I want you to build me a bridge to Poland.”

The jeannie said: “No one can build a bridge that long,
you have to pick another wish.”

He thinks for a minute and said: “I want you to make all my family and friends in
Poland smart so people don’t put them down.”

The jeannie replies, “How many lanes did you want on that bridge?”

Did you hear about the [ethnic] lady who was called upon to use her
diaphragm so often she kept it tacked to the headboard of her bed?

A single guy goes to the grocery store. He picks up the basics, milk, bread, butter, eggs etc… Hes putting his stuff on the counter, and the cashier says to him, “I bet your single.” The guy says, ‘Wow. can you tell that just by the stuff Im buying?” The cashier looks at him and says “No, you’re ugly.”

The Michael Jackson trial continued yesterday with the mother Michael Jackson’s kids Debbie Rowe taking the witness stand.

The judge has imposed some strict rules, for example no one involved in the case is allowed to leave the courtroom at anytime, not even for bathroom breaks.

The judge made the ruling after Michael kept raising his hand asking if he could go to the little boy’s room.

-Rick Fancy

Estaba un paisano platicando con su novia. En eso, se fija que la mujer tiene los dedos de los pies demasiado abiertos. Curioso le pregunta:

“Oye, Mar�a, �por qu� tienes as� los dedos?”

“Es que cuando era ni�a, �ramos demasiado ‘probes’ y como no ten�a para guaraches, de tanto caminar en el lodo se me hicieron as�”.

“�Ah, s�? Y tambi�n te sentabas mucho en el lodo, �verdad?”

After the birth of their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that
enough was enough. The husband went to the doctor and told him that he
and his wife didn’t want any more children, and what could the doctor do
to help?. The doctor smiled, told him to go home, get a cherry bomb, put
it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to ten.

The man relayed this story to his wife, and shaking his head in doubt
said, “I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don’t see how
putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help!”

His wife agreed, and they drove to Missouri together for a second
opinion. Surprisingly enough, when they told the second doctor why they’d
come, he asked them where they were from, and then told them to buy a
cherry bomb, put it in a can, and for the husband to hold it next to his
ear and count to ten.

Deciding that both doctors couldn’t be wrong, the couple went home,
lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. The husband held the can up to
his ear and began to count: “1, 2, 3, 4, 5…”, at which point he
paused, placed the can between his legs and counted on his other hand:
“6, 7, 8…”

“Oh, I sure am happy to see you,” the little boy said to his grandmother on his dad’s side. “Now maybe mother will do the trick she has been promising us.”

The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that?” she asked.

“I heard her tell daddy,” the little boy answered, “that she would climb the walls if you came to visit.”

Edited by Calamjo and Curtis

A police officer had just pulled over a car full of nuns for going too slow on a major highway. The conversation went like this:

Police officer: “Why were you driving so slowly?”

Nun driver: “I kept seeing all these signs with the number 20 on them and figured that was the speed limit.”

Police officer: “No, Sister, that is the highway number.”

Nun: “Oh, I’m so sorry, Officer, I didn’t know that.”

Then the police officer looks into the back seat and sees that the nuns there have panic-stricken faces and white knuckles from holding on to each other too tightly.

Police officer: “What’s wrong with the nuns in the back seat?”

Nun: “Oh, we just got off Highway 101 a few miles ago.”

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.

“Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.”

“One penny?!” exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, “Yes.”

So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?”

“Certainly sir,” replies the bartender, “but all that comes to real money.”

“How much money?” inquires the guy.

“Four cents,” he replies.

“Four cents?!” exclaims the guy. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”

The barman replies, “Upstairs with my wife.”

The guy says, “What’s he doing with your wife?”

The bartender replies, “Same as what I’m doing to his business.”

Why can’t gypsies have children?

Because their husbands have crystal balls!

what do you calll a leper in a wind tunnel?
confetti!
what do you call an afghanistani in a freezer?
tough shit!
what do you call 100 pakistanis in the sea?
coco pops!
how do you save a paki from drowning?
take your foot off of his head

�In several places on your tax forms, he’s written, “Give or take a million
dollars.”
�Tells you to put all your money into British cattle futures.
�You notice that his “calculator” is just a broken VCR remote.
�Insists that there’s no such number as four.
�He laughed at the Bob Dole background check.
�Counts family of squirrels living in your yard as dependents.
�Advises you to save postage by filing your taxes telepathically.
�Instead of C.P.A. license, he’s got a framed photo of a shirtless Alex
Trebek.
�Demands that you call him the “Una-Countant.”
�He’s got a 1040 Form tattooed on his arm.