Category: other

The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on corporate America recreation preferences:

1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: bowling.

2. Sport of choice for front line workers: football.

3. Sport of choice for supervisors: baseball.

4. Sport of choice for middle management: tennis.

5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: golf.

CONCLUSION:
The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.

“�Chico! �Qu� t� pasa que vas tan magullado?” pregunta un ladr�n a su colega.

“Pues mira, que anoche entr� en una casa a oscuras y la mujer la emprendi� conmigo a golpes, patadas, ara�azos, hasta que encendi� la luz.”

“�Hasta que encendi� la luz?”

“S�. Entonces me dijo: �huy!, perdone, lo hab�a confundido con mi marido.”

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live
in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.

A woman walked into the doctor’s but didn’t like the way he was looking at her. When he told her to undress she asked him to turn out the lights before she disrobed. After he turned out the lights she said:”Where will I put my clothes?””Hang them up over here,” he replied, “next to mine.”

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

You’re so ugly you could sell your body to science fiction movies.

A man goes to his doctors and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, “Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?”

“Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!” announces a proud physician, “They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history.”

So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way.

A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the street.

“Doctor, Doctor!” exclaims the man excitedly, “I’ve got to thank you! This drug is a miracle! It’s wonderful!”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” says the pleased physician. “What does your wife think about it?”

“Wife?” asks the man, “I haven’t been home yet.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman

A Polish man finds a jeannie lamp on the beach, he rubs it and the jeannie
comes out and says: “I grant you one wish.”

He said to the jeannie, “I want you to build me a bridge to Poland.”

The jeannie said: “No one can build a bridge that long,
you have to pick another wish.”

He thinks for a minute and said: “I want you to make all my family and friends in
Poland smart so people don’t put them down.”

The jeannie replies, “How many lanes did you want on that bridge?”

Did you hear about the [ethnic] lady who was called upon to use her
diaphragm so often she kept it tacked to the headboard of her bed?

A single guy goes to the grocery store. He picks up the basics, milk, bread, butter, eggs etc… Hes putting his stuff on the counter, and the cashier says to him, “I bet your single.” The guy says, ‘Wow. can you tell that just by the stuff Im buying?” The cashier looks at him and says “No, you’re ugly.”

The Michael Jackson trial continued yesterday with the mother Michael Jackson’s kids Debbie Rowe taking the witness stand.

The judge has imposed some strict rules, for example no one involved in the case is allowed to leave the courtroom at anytime, not even for bathroom breaks.

The judge made the ruling after Michael kept raising his hand asking if he could go to the little boy’s room.

-Rick Fancy

A priest and a pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the
road holding up a sign that reads, Quote: The End is near! Turn yourself around
now before it’s too late!
“Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by.
From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big crash.
“Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, “we should just put up a sign
that says, ‘BRIDGE OUT’ instead?”