Category: other

At the end of a long crime fighting day, Superman decides he needs to relax for a few hours, so he rings spiderman to see if he’d like to go out for a drink.

Spiderman replies “No, I have to repair my web spinner.”

So, Superman rings a few more of his super hero friends and they’re all busy. He decides in the end to go for a quick super-fly around the world to clear his mind before bed time.

As he passes over Wonder-Woman’s mansion he sees her lying naked and spread eagle next to her pool.

Hmmm he thinks, with my super powers I’ll fly down for a quickie and before she realizes I’ll be gone.

So he swoops down and “WHAM BAM thank you maam” and he’s gone.

Wonder- Woman shreiks “What was that?”

And the invisible man cries “I don’t know, but I’ve sure got a sore ass!!!”

Submitted by gtrmark
Edited by Tds181

a muffin walks up to another muffin and says its realy getting hot in here the other muffin says
ahhhhhhh talking muffin!

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park He sat down on a bench and began eating. A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.The blind man ran his fingers over the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, “Who wrote this?!”

The tired doctor was awakened by a telephone call in the middle of the night.

“Please come right over,” pleaded the distraught young mother. “My child has swallowed a contraceptive.”

The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.

“You don�t have to come after all,” the woman said with a sigh of relief. “My husband just found another one.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?” Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunno. But let’s make a deal: if I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.” They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, “Sol… Sol…” Sol responds, “Abe! Is that you?” “Yes it is, Sol,” whispers Abe’s ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, “So, is there baseball in heaven?” “Well,” says Abe, “I’ve got good news and bad news.” “Gimme the good news first,” says Sol. Abe says, “Well… there is baseball in heaven.” Sol says, “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?” Abe sighs and whispers, “You’re pitching on Friday.”

What is a lesbians common operation called?. A Strapadicktome.

Un tipo, ansioso por echarse un trago, llega a un bar de un hotel de muchas estrellas; al escoger su mesa, levanta la mano, llama al mesero y ordena:

�Por favor, un whisky doble�.

Al instante, el mesero regresa y le sirve uno sencillo.

�Con tantos clientes se debe haber equivocado�, piensa el se�or, y se lo toma.

En seguida, pide otro whisky doble, y el mesero nuevamente, le sirve uno sencillo.

��Qu� raro, algo debe pasar!�, piensa, pero se bebe la copa, y pide nuevamente:

�Un whisky doble por favor.�

Y de nuevo, el mesero le sirve uno sencillo.

Esto se repite todas las veces que pide un whisky doble, pero el sujeto no dice nada. Cuando le sirven la copa n�mero veinte, el hombre ya est� medio borracho y le reclama al mesero:

��Ptss, ptss! Oiga, �c�mo est� eso: yo le pido un whisky doble y usted me trae uno sencillo?�

�Se�or, lamento decirle que en este bar todo es al rev�s�.

��A poco? ��Ahora me vas a salir con que EL TONTO HIJO DE … SOY YO Y NO VOS?!�

Q. how do you talk to a fish

A. drop in a line

Estaban las gallinas recibiendo el alimento diario por parte de su due�o. Este les repart�a el alimento dici�ndoles palabras cari�osas para que tuvieran m�s producci�n de huevos.

Cuando el granjero se retir�, la gallina l�der les dice: “�MOMENTO! a poco se van a dejar llevar por las palabritas de ese pendejo, �ni madre! ahora no pongamos ning�n huevo.”

Al d�a siguiente, sorprendido por la falta de producci�n, el granjero les vuelve a dar su alimento, dej�ndoles, adem�s, unas monedas para que se compraran sus golosinas.

Al retirarse el granjero, la gallina rebelde grita: “�MOMENTO! no nos dejemos corromper por este farsante, hoy tampoco habr� producci�n de huevos.”

Al d�a siguiente el productor, todav�a m�s extra�ado por la actitud de sus aves, les reparte su alimento en doble raci�n y les dice palabras m�s dulces que la miel; pero al hacer como que se retira del gallinero descubre la forma en que la gallina est� alborotando a las dem�s para que no tengan producci�n de huevos.

Al ver tal situaci�n, el ranchero muy enojado se lleva a la l�der y la arroja con los gallos. Estos, sedientos de placer al ver a la dama, empiezan a alborotarse y cuando se le van acercando grita la gallina:

“�Momento, momento. Me trajeron aqu� por alborotadora, no por puta!”

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life.

He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.”

“One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

“This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied… “The one you feed.”

Submitted by BreeBrown
Edited by Curtis

A businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to the Toyota motor people. Needless to say, this was an especially important deal, and it was imperative that he make the best possible impression. On the morning of the presentation he awoke to find himself passing gas, in large volumes, with the unpleasant characteristic of sounding like “HONDA.” The man was besides himself. Every few minutes “HONDA”, “HONDA”…. Unable to stop this aberrant behavior, and in desperate need to terminate these odious and rather embarrassing emissions, he sought a physicians aid. After a full examination, the doctor told him that there was nothing inherently wrong with him and that he would just have to wait it out. Being unwilling to accept this state of affairs he visited a second and then a third doctor all of whom told him the same thing. Finally one medic suggested that he visit a dentist. Well although he could not see how a dentist was going to be of any help, he visited one anyway. Lo and behold, the dentist said, “Ah, there’s the problem” “What is it?” the man asked.”Why you have an abscess,” said the dentist.”An abscess. How could that be causing my problem?” asked the man.”That’s easy,” replied the dentist.”Why everyone knows… Abscess makes the fart go Honda.”

The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on corporate America recreation preferences:

1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: bowling.

2. Sport of choice for front line workers: football.

3. Sport of choice for supervisors: baseball.

4. Sport of choice for middle management: tennis.

5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: golf.

CONCLUSION:
The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.