Category: other

How does a mother from Arkansas know when her daughter is on the rag?

Her son’s dick tastes funny.

Tres parejas, una de adultos cincuentones, otra de cuarentones y una joven pareja de veintitantos, quer�an unirse a su nueva parroquia. El cura les dijo que ten�an que cumplir con una condici�n especial para hacerlo:

“Ustedes deben abstenerse de tener sexo por 2 semanas”.

Las tres parejas estuvieron de acuerdo y volvieron luego de las dos semanas.

El sacerdote fue con la pareja mayor y les pregunt�:

“�Fueron capaces de abstenerse del sexo por estas dos semanas?”

“�Pero por supuesto, padre!”

“�Felicitaciones y bienvenidos a la parroquia!”

Luego se dirigi� a la segunda pareja:

“�Fueron capaces de abstenerse del sexo por estas dos semanas?”

Y el cuarent�n contest�:

“En realidad, la primera semana no tuvimos ning�n problema, pero la segunda semana tuve que dormir en el auto un par de noches, pero lo logramos.”

“�Felicitaciones y bienvenidos a la parroquia!”

El cl�rigo se dirigi� a la joven pareja:

“�Fueron capaces de abstenerse del sexo por estas dos semanas?”

“Bueno, padre, la verdad es que no lo logramos”.

“�Qu� pas�?”, inquiere el religioso exaltado.

“Mi mujer estaba alcanzando una lata de at�n de una repisa de m�s arriba, pero se le tir�, cuando se inclin� para recogerla, no me pude aguantar, me volv� un animal y me aprovech� de ella”.

“�Ustedes entienden que ahora no son bienvenidos en la parroquia?”, dijo el cura con tono solemne.

“S� padre, no hay problema… �total, ahora tampoco somos bienvenidos en el supermercado!”

The owner of a golf course in West Virginia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from the West Virginia University and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

�Por qu� a algunas mujeres les gusta tanto la pelicula de Mujer Bonita?

Porque creen que van a encontrar a un hombre guapo y millonario que las quiera y que les d� todo lo que han so�ado… �Sin importar lo putas que hayan sido!

Q: Why do men always give their penis a name?
A: Because they don’t want a stranger making 95 percent of their decisions for
them.

So a salesman go to the next house and knocks on the door. A
little boy answers the door and is in his underwear with a cigar
in his mouth with a porno magazine under his arm. The salesman
asks “are you parents home?” the little boy goes “what the fuck
do you think?”

three chineese men were traveling to america. when they got there the first chineese man took singing lessons and learned to sing memememememe.the second man went to a steakery and learned to say knife and fork. the third chinese man went into a candy store and learned to say goodie goodie gum drops. The men then went to see a movie. at the movie a man got viciously murdered. the police arrived and asked the chinese men who did this. the first man said mememememe. the cop then asked with what he did it. the second man said knife and fork. the cop got angry and said your going to jail. the third man said goodie goodie gum drops.

Tres ni�os est�n discutiendo sobre qui�n de ellos tiene mejor memoria.

Dice el primero:

“Yo recuerdo cuando dije la primera palabra”.

“Y yo recuerdo el d�a en que empec� a caminar”, afirma el segundo.

Y dice Pepito:

“Todo eso no es nada. Yo recuerdo que un d�a fui a una fiesta con mi pap� y volv� con mi futura mam�”.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist named Jon complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.”Not very long,” answered the Mexican.”But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked Jon.The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.Mr. Berg asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?””I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and fuck the shit out of my wife. In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, get a quick blowjob and sing a few songs. I have a full life.”Our intrepid Mr. Berg interrupted, “I have a M.BA. from Stanford and I can help you.You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New Jersey! From there you can direct your huge enterprise.””How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.”Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied Jon.”And after that?””Afterwards? That’s when it gets really interesting,” answered Jon, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!””Millions? Really? And after that?””After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, fuck the shit out of your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!”

Un tipo, ansioso por echarse un trago, llega a un bar de un hotel de muchas estrellas; al escoger su mesa, levanta la mano, llama al mesero y ordena:

�Por favor, un whisky doble�.

Al instante, el mesero regresa y le sirve uno sencillo.

�Con tantos clientes se debe haber equivocado�, piensa el se�or, y se lo toma.

En seguida, pide otro whisky doble, y el mesero nuevamente, le sirve uno sencillo.

��Qu� raro, algo debe pasar!�, piensa, pero se bebe la copa, y pide nuevamente:

�Un whisky doble por favor.�

Y de nuevo, el mesero le sirve uno sencillo.

Esto se repite todas las veces que pide un whisky doble, pero el sujeto no dice nada. Cuando le sirven la copa n�mero veinte, el hombre ya est� medio borracho y le reclama al mesero:

��Ptss, ptss! Oiga, �c�mo est� eso: yo le pido un whisky doble y usted me trae uno sencillo?�

�Se�or, lamento decirle que en este bar todo es al rev�s�.

��A poco? ��Ahora me vas a salir con que EL TONTO HIJO DE … SOY YO Y NO VOS?!�

A wife comes home and says to her husband, “I am moving to Las Vegas – I hear you can get $400 for sex”. The husband runs to the bedroom, starts packing his bags and says “I’m coming along to see this!”
“Why?” asks the wife, “Why would you come to Las Vegas with me?”

Husband replies, “Because I’ve gotta see you live on $800 a year!”

Three Nuns died and were up at outside the gates of Heaven. St. Peter was
there with them. St. Peter decided he needed to quiz each nun with a
different question to see if they really desereved to go to Heaven.

St. Peter asked the first nun, “Nun, Who was the first man on earth?” She
replied, “That would be Adam.” St. Peter let her through the gates.

St. Peter walked up to the second nun and asked her, “Nun, Who was the
first woman on earth?” She replied, “That would be Eve.” St. Peter let her
through the gates.

St. Peter walked up to the third nun and asked her, “What was the last
thing that Eve told Adam before they left Paradise?”

The nun was puzzled. She thought about it for a long time.
“HHHHMMMM,” she said aloud, “Thats a hard one.”
St. Peter let her through the gates.