Mrs. Jammer, shopping in the supermarket, went from counter to counter humming and singing to herself.”You seem to be very happy,” remarked the clerk.”I have every reason to be,” replied Mrs. Jammer.”I’ve got a beautiful home, two lovely children, a nice bank account, my husband’s life is insured for $450,000… …and his health is far from robust.”
Category: other
Entra un tipo al consultorio
Entra un tipo al consultorio del psiquiatra, mir�ndolo de arriba abajo:
“Doctor, tengo complejo de superioridad”.
“No se preocupe, amigo, yo lo voy a curar…”
“�Pero qu� me va a curar usted, in�til!”
Manolo le conf�a a Venancio:
Manolo le conf�a a Venancio:
“Hombre, no se lo digas a nadie pero estoy enga�ando a mi esposa”.
“Pero, �c�mo es eso de que est�s enga�ando a tu esposa?”
“S�, f�jate que ayer la encontr� en mi cama con otro hombre”.
“�Pues no que t� eres el que la est� enga�ando!”, exclama sorprendido Venancio.
“S�, es que ella todav�a no sabe que yo s�”.
This guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders…
This guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine. Everybody
sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and
says: “You ain’t from around here, are ya… where ya from, boy?”
The guy says, “I’m from Iowa.”
The bartender asks, “What th’ hell you do in Iowa?”
The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender asks, “A taxidermist… now just what th’ hell is a
taxidermist?”
The guy says “I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, “It’s OK boys, he’s one
of us!”
Death of an Asshole
The makers of Preparation H, a well know treatment for haemorrhoids, today recalled all of their products from store shelves nationwide.Reports of tampering have surfaced and, upon investigation, officials have found evidence that someone has inserted a form of deadly poison into the products which, if used, will kill instantly.Reports are just now beginning to trickle in however, it appears that thus far the tampered with Preparation H may be responsible for the deaths of at least a dozen….assholes.
A Sultan, whose loves grew
A Sultan, whose loves grew so vastly,
Just couldn’t love any steadfastly.
Someone asked him in fun,
If he’d slept twice with one.
He replied, “Just the thought is most ghastly.”
Este era un concurso internacional
Este era un concurso internacional sobre aves. Se trataba de ver qui�n ten�a el ave mas �gil y obediente. Quedaban un holand�s, un estadounidense y un mexicano.
Pasa el holand�s con un halc�n sobre el brazo con la cabeza cubierta. El tipo le destapa la cabeza y el halc�n se eleva por los cielos, el holand�s saca una pajita y la deja caer, el halc�n se lanza en picada como a 160 km/h y recoge la paja en el pico antes de que �sta llegue al suelo. Los presentes aplauden anonadados y los jueces anotan calificaciones.
Pasa el americano con un �guila cabeza blanca sobre el brazo con la cabeza cubierta. El tipo le destapa la cabeza al �guila y �sta se eleva por los cielos, el americano saca una pajita, la parte en dos, las deja caer, y el �guila se lanza en picada como a 180 km/h y recoge las pajas en el pico antes de que lleguen al suelo. Los presentes aplauden m�s anonadados a�n y los jueces anotan calificaciones.
Pasa el mexicano al �ltimo como siempre, con un perico huasteco verde sobre el brazo con la cabeza cubierta. El tipo le destapa la cabeza al perico y �ste grita �YA ERA HORA CABRON!, el perico se eleva por los cielos, el mexicano saca una pajita, la parte en tres partes y las deja caer al suelo. El perico se lanza en picada como a 220 km/h, los presentes se ponen de pie ante tal espect�culo y el perico grita:
�HECHA MAS PAJA…PENDEJO…QUE ME VOY A ROMPER LA MADREEEEEE…!
Joke found on http://www.loschistes.com
Programmer Guffaws
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that’s a hardware problem.
Scottish Cheapskates
A Scottish man heads for home after spending the whole night in a bar
drinking. He was carrying his little Scotch bottle in the left shirt pocket just
in case. Suddenly, a robber appears and threatens him with a gun. The Scot gets
scared, and the attacker shoots, aiming towards his heart, and then runs away.
The Scot falls down, puts his hand on his left pocket and feels something wet.
He cries, ”Oh my God! I hope its blood!” ‘
The parsons
A Bishop invited his three sons home for a midwinter get-together.
On the cold first morning of their stay, he stood warming himself at a roaring log fire as the first son, a Parson, appeared from bed.
“Good morning father”,said he.
“Good morning,son replied the Bishop,’Did you sleep well?”.
“Wonderful sleep, I dreamt I was in heaven”.
“Great!, Come and stand by the fire” said the Bishop.
“Good morning, son, did you sleep well?.”
He asked his second son, also a Parson.
“Marvelous, I dreamt I was an angel!”. And he went to stand in front of the fire. The third, a commercial traveller appeared.
“Good morning” said the Bishop, not so eagerly, “How was your night?.
“I dreamt I was in Hell” said he, And it was just like home- you couldn’t get near the fire for Parsons”.
En la clase de Pepito
En la clase de Pepito pregunta la profesora: “Carlitos, �una palabra con la letra c?”, y Pepito le susurra: “di culero, di culero”, el ni�o no le hace caso y contesta “cama”.
Luego dice la maestra: “Luisito, una palabra con la letra m”, y cuchichea Pepito: “di mierda, di mierda”.
Y as� sucesivamente, hasta que le colma la paciencia a la profesora y �sta piensa: “hoy voy a fregar a este Pepito”.
“A ver Pepito, 11 palabras con la letra p”. Y comienza Pepito: “pinche, puta profesora, pens� pisar Pepito, pero Pepito prevenido, puso preservativo”.
The time
There was a guy. and he was working at his grocery store when a
lady asked for the time. he said.. time to get a watch.
the lady ran off and asked another guy.
he said the same thing. then she tried one more time.
this guy said. I dont know.
And she said,i do,its time to get a watch.