Category: other

1. No es palo pero le dicen garrote.
2. No piensa pero tiene cabeza.
3. No tiene piernas pero se para.
4. No es indecente pero escupe.
5. No es resorte pero se estira y se encoge.
6. No es ave pero le dicen paloma.
7. No es bonito pero les encanta a las mujeres.
8. No es tel�n pero se sube en el acto y se baja al terminar.
9. No es vaca pero da leche.
10. No es telescopio pero hace ver estrellas.
11. No es son�mbulo pero se levanta de noche.
12. No es caballero pero se para ante las damas.
13. No comete delitos pero es muy perseguido.
14. No es analg�sico pero sirve de calmante.
15. No es instrumento pero le dicen �rgano.
16. No es instrumento pero le dicen flauta.
17. No es palmera pero tiene cocos.
18. No es soldado pero igual ataca por delante que por detr�s.
19. No es talquera pero echa polvos.
20. No es melcocha pero todas se mueren por chuparlo.
21. No es droga pero las pone en trance.
22. No es brujo pero encanta a las mujeres.
23. No es cuchillo pero abre heridas que no cierran nunca.
24. No es brusco pero hace llorar.
25. No es caballo pero se le montan encima.
26. No es vampiro pero vive colgado.
27. No es gallina pero tiene huevos.
28. No es bailar�n pero se menea sabroso.
29. No es nave espacial pero lleva a otros planetas.
30. No pertenece a ning�n club pero le llaman miembro.
31. No es atractivo pero a todas les gusta.
32. No es marciano pero tiene un solo ojo.
33. No es bombero pero tiene casco.
34. No es luchador pero a veces usa m�scara y capa.
35. No es instrumento pero le encanta que lo toquen.

Yo’ mama so fat, when she jumps off the high dive, she shows up on radar!

One day my housework challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”

“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”

He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”

And they say blondes are dumb…

How many union guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Fifteen. You got a problem with that?

George W. Bush ran into Colin Powell`s office exclaiming, “Dick Cheney hanged himselfin his bathroom!” Colin Powell says “Oh, No! Did you cut him down?” “Cut him down?” asks George W.”How could I cut him down? He wasn`t dead yet!”

A young boy is doing poorly in math at public school. His mother decides to
send him to a private Catholic school to rectify the situation.

Lo and behold, after a semester in the new private Catholic school, the boy’s
grades were straight A’s, even in math!

Surprised, his mother asked him how he liked his new school.

“Oh, it’s all right, I guess,” he replies.

“They must be teaching you some new tricks!”

“Not really.”

“Then what do you think is making the difference in your math grades?”

“Well”, he says, “as soon as I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew
they meant business!”

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, “What do you think about all this Satan stuff?” The other boy replied, “Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your dad!”

A young minister had just got out of the seminary, got his first church, and was preaching his first sermon. In the seminary, they had taught him that if he forgot something, just back up and repeat what he had said, and maybe it would come back to him.

He started out with a quote, “Behold, I cometh…..” but he couldn’t remember the rest of it.

So he trys to regain his composure, backs up an starts again… “Behold I cometh…” but he still couldn’t remember.

So he rears back and shouts again, “Behold I cometh! …” but this time he trips over the pulpit and falls right into the lap of a little old lady sitting the front row!

He was embarassed and started apologizing, but before he could finish the woman muttered…
“It isn’t your fault sonny – you told me you were coming three times… I should have moved!”

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.”I’m so ashamed, Doctor,” she said, “I guess I let myself go.”The physician was checking hers eyes and ears.”Don’t feel ashamed, Miss. You don’t look that bad.””Do you really think so, Doctor?” she asked.The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, “Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo.”

The new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They had spent the day discussing the progress the country had made with the Russians before kicking them out. “They built us a power plant, an airport, and taught us how to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.”

The ambassador looked pained and said, “Russian roulette is a dangerous game.”

“Right, that’s why we invented African roulette, would you like to play?”

“I’m not sure, how does it work?” The African clapped his hands and six gorgeous black women, all nude, came wiggling in, the diplomat explained, “Choose the one you want to give you oral sex.”

“That’s a lot better and less risky than Russian routlette…”

“Not when one of them is a cannibal.”

There was a blonde who was hurting all over so she went to the doctor. The doctor said, ”Where are you hurting?”She said, ”Everywhere. See?”She touched her arm and said, “OUCH!”She touched her leg and, “OUCH!” She touched her nose, “OUCH!” “See?” she cried, ” I am hurting all over!” The doctor laughed and said, ”What you’ve got is a broken index finger!”

Always take the time to smell the roses… and sooner or later you’ll inhale a
bee.
If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek… nothing gets the
message across like a good mooning.
If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, I must be sharing elevators
with a lot of bright people.
It’s always darkest just before dawn…so if you’re going to steal the
neighbors’ newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown… and fewer still to ignore
someone completely.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked up into jet engines.
I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can’t be blamed on
someone else.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
My father always said laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why
several of us ended up dying of tuberculosis.
It takes a big man to cry. . But it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
When I’m feeling down I like to whistle… it makes my neighbor’s dog run to
the end of his chain and gag himself.