Category: other

LAUNCHED ON THE FOURTH OF JULYThree young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the coming Fourth of July holiday and wanted to test fire some fireworks. The only real problem was, their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly enough, fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles. They were launched several hundred feet into the air and found dead some 250 yards from their respective seats.

Se encontraba un edificio en llamas, y los bomberos hab�an rescatado a casi todos los trabajadores menos uno, que era fisioculturista y al que llamaban el toro, que se hab�a quedado en la azotea.

Toda la gente fren�tica y asustada le gritaba al toro que saltara a la lona de los bomberos, pero el hombre, era muy miedoso y cada vez que intentaba saltar se arrepent�a.

La gente le gritaba, para darle �nimo, “Salta toro, salta toro.”

Finalmente se anim� y salt�, “Vamos toro, vamos toro,” dec�an todos al un�sono.

Y cuando iba a llegar a rebotar con la lona, los bomberos la hicieron a un lado diciendo, “Oooooleeeeeeee torooo”.

When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted.

But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.

While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery.

The patient’s wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.

“How long will he be on crutches?” she asked.

“Crutches???” the doctor asked.

“Well, yes,” the woman said “You are going to lengthen his legs, aren’t you?”

Perks of being over 40…

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
21. You can’t remember who sent you this list.

In the middle of his honeymoon, the young hillbilly bridegroom left his bride back at the hotel and shows up at his parents house completely distraught. His father asks him, “Son, why you not with you bride on you honeymoon?”

The boy replies, “Daddy I was jus’ gettin ready to love my bride when she tell me she want me to know she a virgin. So I come to ask what do I do?”

The father says, “Boy don’ be tellin me you don’ know what do wid a womin, specially a virgin..”

The boy says, “Daddy, course I knows what to do wid a woman, but dis be ma wife.”

The father replies, “So what difference dis make?”

To which the son says, “Well daddy, I jus got to figure if she ain’t good nuff for her own family she shore ain’t good enough for ours!”

if jimmy cracked corn and no one cared, why is there a song about it?

What kind of bees make the best milk? Boo-bees!

�Qu� es un perro?

Los perros pasan todo el d�a tirados en el m�s c�modo mueble que se puedan encontrar en la casa.

Ellos pueden o�r una lata de comida que se abra a media cuadra, pero no pueden o�rte aunque est�s en la misma habitaci�n.

Ellos se ven tontos y tiernos al mismo tiempo.

Ellos hacen ciertos sonidos cuando no est�n felices.

Cuando t� quieres jugar, ellos quieren jugar.

Cuando quieres que te dejen en paz ellos tambi�n quieren jugar.

Ellos dejan sus juguetes donde quiera.

Ellos hacen cosas asquerosas con la boca y despu�s te quieren besar.

Te miran directamente a tu zona p�bica tan pronto te conocen.

Conclusi�n: Los perros son peque�os hombres envueltos en piel.

�Qu� es un gato?

Los gatos hacen los que ellos quieren cuando ellos quieren.

Rara vez te escuchan.

Son totalmente impredecibles.

Cuando quieres jugar quieren que los dejes en paz.

Cuando quieres estar en paz ellos quieren jugar.

Ellos esperan que los atiendas cada vez que ma�llan.

Cambian de humor f�cilmente.

Dejan pelos por donde quiera.

Conclusi�n: Los gatos son peque�as mujeres envueltas en piel.

Your Momma is so white she crys milk and shits out chalk.

Q: What did did the mother duck say to the little duck. A: If you don’t behave, I’m gonna quack you one.

The success of the “Wonder Bra” for under-endowed women, has encouraged the designers to come out with a bra for over-endowed women.

It’s called the “Sheep Dog Bra”… It rounds them up and points them in the right direction.

En una playa rescatan a una persona que se hab�a ahogado. Llega r�pidamente un hombre, se agacha se le monta encima, le abre la boca y empieza a chupar, en cada chupada saca agua.

Pasa rato y sigue sac�ndole agua. Una persona que estaba al lado, que est� viendo todo, le dice:

“Oye, como no le saques el culo del agua vas a secar el mar.”