Category: other

Your momma’s so thin she ate a peanut and thought she was pregnant.

An IRS agent stepped into a synagogue looking for the rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said when he found him,” do you know a Mr. Morris Katz?”

“Well, yes, I do,” said the rabbi.

“Is he a member of your congregation?” asked the agent.

“Uh, yes, he is,” said the rabbi, “why do you ask?”

“I’m from the IRS. Can you tell me something? Did he make the $100,000 donation to the synagogue, that he claimed on his tax return?” asked the IRS agent.

“I would have to check our records,” replied the rabbi, “butn if he hasn’t, I can assure you that he will!”

how many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don’t know. I havn’t find one that could do it yet.

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.”Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?””A penis,” replied Madame deGaulle.A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer…and no one knew what to say next.Finally, Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, “Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word, ‘appiness.”

A priest is driving down to New York to see a show, and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding.

Smelling alcohol on the good father’s breath and noticing a wine bottle on the passenger’s seat, the state trooper asks, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

The minister replies, “Just water.”

“Then, why do I smell wine?” the trooper inquires.

The minister looks down at the bottle and exclaims, “Good Lord, he’s done it again!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

And let’s not forget Moses, who at the parting of the Red Sea said;
“What’s all this? I was only going in for a little dip!”

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change “The Lord’s Prayer” from “give us this day our daily bread” to “give us this day our daily chicken.” The Pope refused his offer. Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from “give us this day our daily bread” to “give us this day our daily chicken” and again the Pope refused the man’s generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, “I have some good news and some bad news. ‘The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!”’

What’s the difference between a circumcision and a crucifixion?

In a crucifixion they throw out the whole Jew.

Q:What did one asshole say to the other asshole?
A: Stop talking shit!

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retire to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.The man calls over to his wife, “My little boopey-boo, I’m lonely.”So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.The husband with a concerned look on his face says, “Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?”The woman gets up and enters the man’s bed. The two have passionate sex and afterwards the woman rolls out. As she returns to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, “clumsy fucking bitch”.

Iba un borracho por la carretera conduciendo a 195 km/h cuando le para la policia y le retira el carnet por 3 meses. Al cabo de dos d�as, el borracho se salta las normas y vuelve a conducir sin permiso a una velocidad de 200 km/h, le vuelve a parar la policia, le pide los papeles y ve que le falta el carnet:

“�Oye, tu! �d�nde esta el carnet de conducir?”

Y el borracho responde:

“�joder! �ya lo habeis perdido?”

THIS MAN AND WOMEN WERE SINE EACH OUTHER THE WOMAN SINED THE MAN IF YOU WONT TO HAVE SEX SQUES MY LEFT BREST ONCE IF NOT SQUES MY RIGHT BREST TWO TIMES THE MAN SINED THE WOMAN IF SHE WONT’S HAVE SEX TO SQUES HIS PINES ONCE IF YOU DON’T TO HAVE SEX SQUCES IT FIFTY TIMES