Airline Panic

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,”Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – OH NO !Silence.Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said,”Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. You should see the back of mine!”

The vicar and the golfer

one day the vicar and the golfer went golfing
the golfer was extremely bad at golf.

it was the golfers turn he kept missing the golfball
he actually hit the golfball at long last!! but it only got 1
metre away from
him!.
the golfer shouted “damn missed” .

1 hour later.

it was the golfers turn again he hit the ball! this time it only
got 2 metres away from him he shouted again “damn missed” the
vicar got
terribly upset with the golfer and said to him ” if you keep
swearing
like that god will strike you with bolt of lightning

it was then the golfers turn again he missed and shouted ” DAMN
MISSED” . A bolt of lightning shot right down at the vicar a
deep voice said “DAMN MISSED”.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Never lost

Three racehorses were sitting in a bar bragging to each other about their life accomplishments.

The first horse boasts, “I’ve been in 59 races and I’ve won 35 of them.”

“That’s nothing,” says the second horse. “I’ve raced 97 times, and I’ve won 78 of them!”

The third horse joins in, “Well, I’ve raced 122 times and I’ve won 102!”

Just then, the horses hear a voice say, “I’ve got you all beat!”

The horses look down and see a greyhound.

“I’ve raced over 200 times, and I have NEVER lost!”

The horses look at the dog in amazement.

One of them says “How about that, a talking dog!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Este era un tipo tan

Este era un tipo tan odioso que nadie lo soportaba.

Un dia suena el telefono de un Doctor y al otro lado de la l�nea se oye:

“Doctor, tiene que ayudarme, me ha salido algo muy feo.”

El Doctor contesta:

“Como no se�or, lo espero en mi consultorio para examinarlo.”

Al cabo de unas horas entra al consultorio el odioso con un horrible sapo pegado en la cara.

El Doctor le pregunta:

“�Pero c�mo le paso esto se�or?”

A lo que el sapo contesta:

“No s�, Doctor, yo estaba muy tranquilo y de repente me sali� esta chingadera en el culo.”

blondie

One day a blond decided to go camping.she went to
the camp ground and set up her tent. it started to get dark so
she made a fire when she got the fire going she made smores and
talked to herself . But after awhile of talking to herself and
eating smores she got tired and went to bed.
It was morning now and the blond was outside sleeping on the
ground and the camp ranger stoped to ask her why she was
sleeping on the gournd outside when she has a tent setup.
the blond replied well i herd nosies inside the tent so i came
out here to sleep.