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Un cura est� dando misa y va a empezar su serm�n:
“Hermanos, hoy vamos a hablar de la mentira y de los mentirosos. �Cu�ntos de ustedes recuerdan lo que dice el cap�tulo 32 de San Lucas?”
Todo el mundo levanta la mano; entonces, el sacerdote contin�a:
“Bueno, a eso me refiero. El evangelio de San Lucas s�lo tiene 24 cap�tulos”.
Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box? She sat on Pinocchio’s face
and told him to lie to her.
Three boys were in the desert with only one bottle of water
left. They were all very thirsty, so they had a dreaming
contest. Whoever had the best dream would get the water, so they
all went to sleep right away. When they woke up, the first boy
said, “I dreamed I won a lottery ticket.” The second boy said,
“I dreamed I was immortal.” The third boy said, “While you guys
were sleeping I drank the water.”
one day an ant was seating on the toilet seat and a 37 year old lady thats 650lbs and sat on the toilet and the ant said a b c d e f g get your fat ass off of me!
WHAT DO DALE EARNHARDT AND PINK FLOYD HAVE IN COMMON
THEIR BIGGEST HIT WAS “THE WALL”
A mother is having sex with her lover.
Her son comes in so she locks him in the closet. After hearing her husband come home she locks the lover also in the closet.
“Dark in here” the boy says.
“Yeah” the man replies.
“I have a baseball here. Do you want it? It costs only $250 bucks.”
The man thought what the hell and paid up.
Next night the boy is again locked in the closet with the lover.
“Dark in here” the boy says.
“Yeah” the man replies.
“Do you want a baseball glove?” The boy says.
The man bought it for $750 bucks.
The next day the father says ” Son, lets go to play baseball”
The boy says “I sold my baseball and glove for $1000 bucks”
The father says “You should not overcharge your friends like that. I’m going to take you to the Confessional” And so the boy goes.
He goes into the Confessional.
“Dark in here” he comments.
“Oh, for heavens sake don’t start that again!” The priest says.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab
on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab
driver “What’s that building there?” “That’s the Royal York Hotel” replied the
cabbie. “The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?” asked the Texan.
“About 12 years” replied the cabbie.
“12 years? We build ’em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long
down in Texas, and we do that in six months.”
A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Metro-Toronto Convention
Centre. “What’s that building over there?” asked the Texan. “That’s the
Metro-Toronto Convention Centre” replied the cabbie. “Convention Centre? How
long’d it take to build that?” asked the Texan. “About three years” replied the
cabbie. “Three years? We build ’em twice as high, three times as long and four
times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only takes us about two weeks.”
Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the CN Tower. “What’s that building
there?” asks the Texan, pointing at the tower. “Danged if I know” replied the
cabbie, “It wasn’t here when I drove by yesterday.”
Debido a que el marido estaba en la c�rcel, una se�ora atravesaba penurias; como no la dejaban ver a su esposo le mand� una carta con el guardia. El mensaje ten�a escrito lo siguiente:
“P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P.”
El esposo le responde:
“C. C. C. C. C. C.”
El vigilante, intrigado, le pregunta a la mujer por el significado de las cartas. Ella le informa que escribi�:
“Paso Pobrezas Pinches Penurias Pido Permiso Para Putear”.
Y �l respondi�:
“Cuida Culito Cobra Carito Cari�os Charlie”.
Q: What’s the difference between an african lion and OJ Simpson?
A: An african lion is an african lion, OJ Simpson is a lyin african!
6 razones principales por las cuales Bill Gates quiere ser presidente de los Estados Unidos:
Escuch� decir que alguna agencia gubernamental usaba UNIX.
Piensa que ser�a agradable ser el presidente de dos grandes negocios.
Su ego necesita inflarse un poco.
Perdi� las llaves de su mansi�n, as� que necesita un nuevo lugar para vivir.
Cree que puede usar Microsoft Money para balancear el presupuesto.
Quiere hacer de Windows ’95 el sistema operativo oficial en los Estados Unidos.
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, “This is where your problem is.”
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his services. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded:
One chalk mark . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1
Knowing where to put it . . . . . . . $49,999
A Beatle’s Computer Parody Write in C (”Let it Be”) ———- When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words of wisdom: ”Write in C.” As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see, Somewhere, someone whispers: ”Write in C.” Write in C, Write in C, Write in C, oh, Write in C. LOGO’s dead and buried, Write in C. I used to write a lot of FORTRAN, For science it worked flawlessly. Try using it for graphics! Write in C. If you’ve just spent nearly 30 hours, Debugging some assembly, Soon you will be glad to Write in C. Write in C, Write in C, Write in C, yeah, Write in C. BASIC’s not the answer. Write in C. Write in C, Write in C Write in C, oh, Write in C. Pascal won’t quite cut it. Write in C.