Q: Why did the Polak cross the road?
A: He couldn’t get his dick out of the chicken.
Category: other
What goes clip clop, clip
What goes clip clop, clip clop, bang?
– An Amish drive-by shooting.
Clinton and a lightb
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Zero. He only screws interns.
Engineering students
Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might’ve designed the human body.
The first one said, “It must’ve been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff – a mechanical engineer must have designed all that.”
The second one said, “No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer.”
Then the third one said, “No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?”
Un turista regresa a su
Un turista regresa a su pa�s con un pollito que le hab�an regalado de recuerdo. En el avi�n, la azafata le explica que no se pueden llevar animales; as� que el viajero sale, se esconde el pollito en los calzoncillos y vuelve a entrar al aparato. Se sienta al lado de una monjita y se echa a dormir.
M�s tarde, el pollito saca la cabeza por entre la bragueta del hombre; mira tiernamente a la religiosa y emite un p�o, p�o. La mujer se alarma y se dirige al paseante:
“�Despierte, r�pido, despierte! Mire usted que yo no entiendo mucho de esto, pero me parece que se le rompi� un huevo”.
Chicken coop
Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
making bets
Sam and Abe, now in their late seventies, first met in the second grade in a school on the lower East Side of New York. Their relationship now is one of playing pinochle, playing jokes and making bets.
Sam calls Abe and says, “I got a bet for you: I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars!” Abe says, “How can that be? If you knew anything about biology, you …”
Sam interrupts, “I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard, …one thousand dollars, …yes or no!!”
Abe says, “Okay, okay, I’ll take your bet! How long is yours soft?”
Sam says, “Eleven years!”
Iba un estadounidense con un
Iba un estadounidense con un tontiland�s en un barco, cuando de repente el gringo se cae al agua y comienza a gritar:
“�Help! �Help!”
Y el tontiland�s responde:
“A joder, gel no tengo pero si quieres te puedo dar spray.”
Three sisters
Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn’t afford it so they had all of them on the same day.
They also couldn’t afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies.
That night the mother got up because she couldn’t sleep.When she went past her oldest daughter’s room she heard screaming.
Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing.
Then she went to her youngest daughter’s room and she couldn’t hear anything.
The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, “Why were you screaming last night?” The daughter replied “Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream.”
“That’s true.” She looked at her second daughter. “Why were you laughing so much last night?”
The daughter replied “Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh.”
“That’s also true.” Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. “Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”
The youngest daughter replied “Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full.”
What do you throw to
What do you throw to a drowning [ethnic]?
His wife and kids.
Making Cakes
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says “Mummy, what are they doing?”
The mother hesitates then quickly replies “Ummm they are making cakes”.
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkies having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, making cakes.
The next day the girl says to her mother “Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night eh?”
Shocked, the Mother says “how do you know?”
She says, “Because I licked the icing off the sofa”.
For rent
A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.00.
When he was ready to leave, he told her that he did not have any cash with him but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling it “Rent For Apartment.”
On the way to the office he decided that the whole event was not worth the price he agreed to pay, so he had his secretary send a note with a check for $250.00 and enclosed the following note:
Dear madam,
Enclosed, you should find a check in the amount of $250.00 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied.
2. That there was plenty of heat.
3. It was small.
Last night I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn’t any heat and it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250.00 with the following note:
Dear sir,
I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how turn it on. And if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, don’t blame me.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing