Category: other

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road he stopped
and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing the habit to open and reveal a leg.
The priest looks and nearly has an accident, and after changing gear lets his
hand slide up her leg. She immediately says “Father remembers psalm 129.”
The priest apologizes profusely and removes his hand but is unable to remove
his eyes from her leg.
Further on when he changes gear and has ogled at her leg for the zillionth
time he lets the hand slide up the leg again. The Nun once again says “Father
remembers psalm 129″.Once again the priest apologizes “Sorry sister but you know
the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent the nun gets out and the priest goes on his way.
Once he arrives at his church he rushes to the bible and looks up psalm 129 it
said: “GO FORTH AND SEEK, FURTHER UP YOU WILL FIND GLORY”

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You put on
your spring boots and walk around playing Mr. Busy. You put on your best smile
and walk around being Mr. Congenial. You fresh the entire Thesaurus links in
your memory and play Mr. Polished. You stand straight, you talk soft and smooth,
you open the door for the ladies, you smile like a dream, you set an aura around
you playing the Mr. Gentleman and then you move up to the girl and say, “Hi, I
am great in bed, how about it?�
– That’s Hard Selling.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered the late teens the girls dated and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date.

This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss. The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived.

Father answered the door and the lad said “Hi, my name’s Joe, I’m here for Flo. We’re going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

The next lad arrived and said “My name’s Eddie, I’m here for Betty, we’re gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?”

Father felt this one was ok too, so off the two kids went.

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off “Hi, my name’s Chuck ….. ” and the farmer shot him.

Entra dr�cula a una habitaci�n y encuentra a Frankestein con su pene sobre un yunque y peg�ndose con una maza. Dr�cula le pregunta:

“�Qu� hac�s?”

“Me estoy masturbando.”

Sorprendido, Dr�cula pregunta:

“�Y cu�ndo goz�s?”

Frankestein contesta:

“Cuando yerro.”

At a gynecologists convention Dr. Goldfinger began to read his paper on “The Variation of the Clitoris”.

“One of the most unusual cases I ever came across,” he told his audience, “was a clitoris that had a close resemblance to a watermelon.”

Dr. Goldfinger was interrupted by another doctor, who said that he might have been examining an enlarged organ but to compare it to a watermelon would indeed be frivolous.

Goldfinger stared him down and replied: “I wasn’t referring to size but to taste.”

An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from a good nights sleep.

He takes her hand and she responds, “Don’t touch me.”

“Why not,” he asks. She answers back, “Because I’m dead.”

The husband says to her, “What are you talking about? We’re both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.”

The wife says, “No, I’m definitely dead.”

Her husband insists, “You’re not dead. What in the world makes you think you’re dead?”

His wife answers, “I know I’m dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!”

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.

This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one
night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to
share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on
top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I
will heal you.”
The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one
hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her
husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his
other hand on his groin.
With a frown his wife says, “Ernest, he’s talking about healing the sick, not
raising the dead.”

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. “I think this one will really move,” said the broker, “and it’s only $1 a share.”

“Buy me 1000 shares.” said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, “You were right, give me 5000 more shares.”

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, “Get me 10,000 more shares said the client.”

“Great!” said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, “Sell all my shares!”

The broker said, “To whom? You were the only one buying that stock!”

I went out with this girl who was so black,
when she got out of the car, the oil light came on.

A very dumb blonde was having trouble keeping her jaw shut..So she decided to stick a popsicle in her mouth so no one would notice…When men started to watch her the blonde took out the popsicle and said “Cool, infaltable pants!”