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“�Doctor, me pasa algo en la vista?”
“A ver, �que letra es esta?
La A.
“�Si, correcto, creeo que est� todo bien!”
“�SEGURO QUE NO TENGO NADA?”
“S�.”
“�De verdad que no tengo nada en la vista?”
“�Que nooooo!”
“�Pues entonces me puede usted decir por qu� desde que me cas� no veo ni un euro?”
there is a 3 tomatos walking down the street, a daddy tomato a mommy tomato and a baby tomato, the baby tomato starts to trail behind…so the father turns around goes back to the baby and steps on him…and says…”ketchup”
Estaba una ni�a lavando un gato y pasa una se�ora y le dice:
“Pero ni�a, �qu� haces lavando un gato?, �no sabes que as� se puede morir?
Y la ni�a le contesta:
“�No se muere el gato, es muy fuerte!”
Se va la se�ora, y en un ratillo pasa de nuevo por el lado de la ni�a y le pregunta:
“�Por qu� lloras?”
“Porque se me ha muerto el gato.”
Y le dice la se�ora:
“�No te dije que se pod�a morir?”
“Pero no ha sido al lavarlo, ha sido al exprimirlo.”
There were 3 men helping out at a church. There names were Bob, Bill, and Steve, Bob and Bill were salesmen, and Steve was a man who stuttered. the preacher asks them to go out and sale bibles and bring back the money. Bob comes back with 350 dollars the preachers says good job son..you sold 35 bibles that shows the true salesman in you. Bill comes back with 400 dollars, the preacher says good job son you sold 40 bibles that shows the true salesman in you. Steve, who is not a salesman(and remember he stutters) comes back with 950 dollars. The prreacher says now son how could you have sold 95 bibles with no experience and steve says i–iii—ii j–uu–ss–tt s–aa-i-d w-ooo-uu–l-dd y–oo–u l–i–k–ee t–o b–uu-y a b–i–b–l–e or w-o-u-l-dd y–oo—uu j–u–s–tt l–i–k—eee m–ee t–ooo r–ee–aa–dd i–t t—ooo y–o–uu?
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”
El sobrino de Bonifacio se prepara para casarse y �ste le manifiesta:
“�Mis sinceras felicitaciones, mi hijo, el d�a de hoy t� lo vas a recordar como el d�a m�s feliz de tu vida!”
“S�, t�o, pero la boda es ma�ana…”
“Ya lo s�, mi hijo, ya lo s�…”
The young mother skeptically examined a new educational toy.
“Isn’t it rather complicated for a small boy?” she asked the salesclerk.
“It’s designed to adjust the tot to live in today’s world, madam,” the shop assistant replied….
“Any way he tries to put it together is wrong.”
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road he stopped
and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing the habit to open and reveal a leg.
The priest looks and nearly has an accident, and after changing gear lets his
hand slide up her leg. She immediately says “Father remembers psalm 129.”
The priest apologizes profusely and removes his hand but is unable to remove
his eyes from her leg.
Further on when he changes gear and has ogled at her leg for the zillionth
time he lets the hand slide up the leg again. The Nun once again says “Father
remembers psalm 129″.Once again the priest apologizes “Sorry sister but you know
the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent the nun gets out and the priest goes on his way.
Once he arrives at his church he rushes to the bible and looks up psalm 129 it
said: “GO FORTH AND SEEK, FURTHER UP YOU WILL FIND GLORY”
Why did the old lady walk around with her purse open?
Because she heard there was going to be change in the weather!!!!!!!
Editted by Curtis
This guy gets these chronic migraine headaches. One day he sees a doctor about his problem.
The doctor gives him a thorough examination and says, “I can cure your headaches, but I’ll have to cut your balls off to do it.”
At first the man is horrified at this idea, but the headaches keep getting worse and worse. He can’t work or sleep, his sex life is nonexistent, and he’s generally miserable. Finally, he goes back to the doctor and says, “I don’t care anymore, cut them off. Just get rid of these damned headaches!
The doctor performs the operation, and immediately the headaches go away.
The guy is relatively happy, now. He may not have a sex life, but he figures this is price he has to pay for a life without pain. One day, he decides to get himself a new wardrobe. He goes to this nice new men’s shop downtown.
As soon as he walks in the door, the clerk looks carefully at him and says, “You wear a 44 long jacket, don’t you?” The guy says, “Yeah, how did you know?”
“It’s in the eye,” says the clerk. “Your neck is seventeen and one quarter inches, but given your build, medium shirt sleeves should work.”
“That is incredible!” the guy says. “Hmm… and you wear a 36 large jockstrap.”
“Ah hah! You’re wrong,” the guy says gleefully. “I wear a 32 small jockstrap.”
“No, you have to wear a 36 large,” says the clerk.
“Look, I’m sorry, but you’re wrong. I wear a 32 small.”
That’s impossible,” says the confused clerk. “A 32 small jockstrap would pinch your balls and give you migraine headaches.”
The archbishop was sitting in his study, figuring a crossword puzzle.
His colleague asked, “How are you doing?”
“Well,” answered the archbishop, “I’ve almost finished it, but I’m
stuck with just one word. What’s a four-letter word meaning ‘a
female’ and ending in u-n-t?”
“Why,” came the answer, “the word is ‘aunt.'”
Oh yes, that’s right!” replied the archbishop, “Lend me your eraser.”
Un tipo hosco y mal encarado entra a un banco. De forma prepotente le ordena a la cajera:
“�Quiero abrir una pinche cuenta en este banco de porquer�a!”
�Por favor, se�or, est� prohibido hablar de esa manera aqu�!”
“�Por qu� jijos de la chingada no puedo hablar como se me d� mi gana?”
“�Se�or, le suplico que deje de decir vulgaridades!”, solicita la chica con serenidad.
“Me vale madres lo que usted piense, yo s�lo quiero abrir una maldita cuenta en este banco de mierda!”
La cajera, indignada por el comportamiento del grosero individuo, se va y regresa acompa�ada del gerente del banco para que �ste lo ponga en su lugar. El gerente, muy diplom�ticamente, se dirige al hombre:
“Disculpe, caballero, �puedo ayudarle en algo?”
�Vaya pregunta pendeja! �Claro que me puedes ayudar, tarado! Me acabo de ganar pinches 50 millones de d�lares en la loter�a y quiero abrir una cuenta en esta porquer�a de banco!”
“�Ah, ya veo… Y esta est�pida perra mal parida lo est� molestando, �verdad, pendeja?”, responde el gerente cambiando de actitud.