Category: other

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of thegovernment to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.)–Always put staples in the right hand corner.Go ahead and put a down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from theenvelopes have to take out any staples in the right side.–Never arrange paperwork in the right order,or even facing the right way. Put a few upside down and backwards. That way theyhave to remove all your staples rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it (on the leftside).–Line the bottom of your envelope withElmer’s glue and let it dry before you put in your forms, so that the automated openerdoesn’t open it and the extractor has to open it by hand.–If your very unfortunate and have to paytaxes use a two or three party check.–On top of paying with a three party checkpay one of the dollars you owe in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter howsmall an amount, he has to take it to a special desk and fill out of few nasty forms.–Write a little letter of appreciation. Anyletter received has to read and stamped regardless of what it is or what it’s on.–Write your letter on something misshapen andunconventional. Like on the back of a Kroger sack.–When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope(even if its just a single EZi form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differentlythan regular business size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they takepriority over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with your mess.–If you send 2 checks they’ll have to stapleyour unsightly envelope to your half destroyed form.–Always put extra paper clips on your forms.Any foreign fasteners or the like have to be removed and put away.–Sign your name in ink on every page. Anysignature has to verified and then date stamped.NOTE: These are just a few of the fun andexciting things you can do with The Man. These methods are only recommended when you owemoney

Yo’ mama so fat, she sat in a monster truck turned it into a lowrider!

The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed!

I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn’t notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY love the Lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled, “Jesus Christ!” as loud as he could. It was like a football game with him shouting, “GO JESUS CHRIST,GO!”

Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

Several cars behind, a very nice man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn’t hear him very well, but it sounded like, “Mother trucker,” or “Mother’s from there.” Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must really love the Lord.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed to yellow, and stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign as I drove away.

With yet another young man in her life Elizabeth Taylor decided that in her advancing years she needed to tighten up her vaginal area.

She put her trust in her plastic surgeon of 30 years standing, the one who had carried out her face-lifts, boob jobs and ass-lifts.

Sworn to secrecy, he agreed that no-one but him would ever know. He carried out the delicate operation, carefully slicing away strips of the loose folds of skin. It is a long operation!

Liz awakes the next morning to see 3 “get well soon” cards on her bedside table. She is appalled and demands to see the doctor. “No-one but you should know about this! You have let me down”,she says.

“Ah” says the doc,”this card is from my wife and I wishing you a speedy recovery.”

“How nice “, says Liz.”Thank you – what a nice thought.”

“The second card is from old Madge the cleaner who has cleaned up after all your previous operations – she is to be trusted.”

“What a beautiful thought , from such a humble person -I’m really touched”, says Liz. “But who is the 3rd card from?” asks Liz.

“Oh”, says the doctor, “that’s from Evander Holyfield — thanking you for his new ears!!!”

Un homosexual pasaba por una casa en construcci�n, y los alba�iles gritaron:

“�Adi�s maric�n!”

Y �l les respondi�:

“�Adi�s alba�ilotes feos, sucios y fuchis!”

Al d�a siguiente, volvi� a pasar por la misma obra, pero esta vez los alba�iles gritaron:

“�Adi�s mamacita!”

A lo que respondi�:

“�Hasta luego, se�ores arquitectos!”

You see there once was this old man who went to his grand-daughters birthday party. He ate all the candys off the cake. He only went home, farted and shot his cat!!!

Poland’s worst air disaster occurred today when a two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery late this morning in central Poland.

Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Did you hear about the Armenian welfare doll?

You wind it up and it doesn’t work.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Estaba un viejito ba�andose en una ba�era, cuando de repente empieza a dar gritos como loco llamando a la viejita:

“Vieja, vieja, vieja, ven pa que veas esto, mira f�jate como va para ariba, ay qu� sabroso, se siente un fri�to divino, ay siento que me revive ay, ay…”

La viejita, que era un poco odiosa, le responde:

“No, viejo, eso no va para arriba, ese bicho lo que est� es flotando.”

one day frank and maria went on there first date. they went out to eat and then to the movies. frank wasnt felling to good he had gas REAL bad. but he didn’t want to fart in front of maria becuuse he really liked her. so after the movie he says im going to take you home now i have to get up early to go to work. maria says ok.they get to her house and maria says come on in and meet my parents and franks like i dont know i really have to get up early. maria’s like please .. so he does . he meets her mom and then her dad. and her dad says here frank sit down for a minute and talk to me. so he does, and while talking frank sees the family dog laying next to him. he thinks to him self if i let a little of this out …maybe they will think this dog is doing it. so he does and the dad yells DUKE! frank thinks to himself wow this is great! this guy thinks this dog is doing it. so frank waits a min. and does it again. and the father yells DUKE! now frank thinking this is too cool he thinks he”ll let the rest out ..so he does and the father yells DUKE get the hell away from that boy before he shit’s on you.

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from
town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads. They were some
distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a
hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The boy reluctantly paid her,
and they did their thing.

After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver’s seat
looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked
the girl.

“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a
taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25.”

“�Doctor, me pasa algo en la vista?”

“A ver, �que letra es esta?

La A.

“�Si, correcto, creeo que est� todo bien!”

“�SEGURO QUE NO TENGO NADA?”

“S�.”

“�De verdad que no tengo nada en la vista?”

“�Que nooooo!”

“�Pues entonces me puede usted decir por qu� desde que me cas� no veo ni un euro?”