Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather….kinky is using the whole chicken.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Yours Fun Portal !
Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather….kinky is using the whole chicken.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Roses are red,Violets are blue,
God made me pretty,
What the hell happened to you?!
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life. Doctor: ”I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people.” St. Peter: ”That’s great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?” Nurse: ”I’ve supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult.” St. Peter: ”Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?” Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: ”I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.” St. Peter: ”Oh, I see. Please go in…but you can only stay two nights!”
Un d�a un tipo entra en una tienda y le dice al vendedor:
“�Cuanto cuesta este micro ondas Pillips?”
A lo que el vendedor le contesta:
“Es Filips, se escribe Phillips pero se pronuncia Filips, es la “F” en vez de la “P” y cuesta $350 d�lares.”
Entonces el tipo le contesta:
“�Futa! �Qu� caro!”
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.” A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says “not yet.”Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?” And the mother says, “When the baby cries.” And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it.”
A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping
center. Her arms were heavily laden with a mop and broom and
other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was
obvious she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness
of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the
woman remarked indignantly, “Well, I’ll be lucky to get out of
here and home before Christmas!”
“Don’t worry, ma’am,” replied the clerk. “With that wind kicking
up out there and that brand new broom you have here, you’ll be
home in no time.”
Q: Do you know what the height of mixed emotions is?
A: Watching your mother-in- law go over a cliff in your brand-new Mercedes.
An International Breakfast
At a breakfast table, there was a British couple, an American couple and an
Australian couple.
The British husband, who liked to use puns, said to his wife, “Can you pass
the honey, Honey?”
Not wanting to lose out, the American husband turned and said to his wife, “Do
you mind passing the sugar, Sugar?”
The Australian husband did not want to lose out either, but he could not think
how he could copy the other 2 husbands. Finally, he spoke to his wife, “Pass
me the bacon, you Pig!!”
The Joy Of Having A Dick
I’ll tell you a short poem; I’ll try to make it quick. The subject is quite simple: The joy of having a dick.
Penises are super things; You ladies should be jealous. An organ surrounded by sensitive skin. That’s smooth and rarely hairless
It starts to grow dramatically, When you’re about thirteen. Your testicles on either side; Your willy in between.
It dangles neatly down below; Soft, obedient and loyal. At the slightest hint of lust, It’s ready to uncoil.
It often has a mind all of its own; It’s like a wild untamed beast. It squirms and writhes and stretches out; When you expect it least.
Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves; Erecting when it shouldn’t. A bumpy train ride sets it off; Just when you wish it wouldn’t.
And during the summer, wearing little, sunning on the beach. The slightest sight of shaking boobs Makes it squirm just like a leech.
Handle it with love and care; For it can give great pleasure. Has it grown since last weekend? And when did you last measure?
Some people fret about its size; They give it lots of thought. Is seven inches long enough? It makes guys quite distraught.
They peek across in urinals, To compare and try to see But if another glances back at them. There’s no way they can pee.
Masturbating is a sin; That’s what some folk believe. But those are just old wives’ tales; Cuz it really can relieve.
Without this fabulous organ, No shag would be complete. Lesbians will try their best; But must admit defeat.
It has to main bodily functions I’m sure you’ll all agree. To start a whole new life and of course� daily to pee
But I think the thing that’s marvellous; About that one eyed brute. Is that when its trying to procreate, It knows which fluid to shoot
And always it remains with you; Until you’re old and frail. Don’t take it out in public though, or you’ll be thrown in jail.
And so to summarise I’d say with certainty, that every male loves his little friend But girls, no matter what we do, Please don’t fold, spindle mutilate and NEVER NEVER Bend!!!
“Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.” — On a
bottle of shampoo for dogs.
“Do not use while sleeping.” — On a hair dryer.
“Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame.” — On a lighter.
“Do not eat.” — On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the
styrofoam packing.
“Access hole only — not intended for use in lifting box.” — On the sides
of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume
were handholds.
“Warning: May cause drowsiness.” — On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of
sleeping pills.
“Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.” — Stamped on the metal
barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.
“Turn off motor before using this product.” — On the packaging for a
chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.
“Not to be used as a personal flotation device.” — On a 6×10 inch
inflatable picture frame.
“Do not put in mouth.” — On a box of bottle rockets.
“Please remove before driving.” — On the back of a cardboard windshield
(for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked).
“Remove plastic before eating.” — On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.
“Do not drive cars in ocean.” — In small print at the bottom of the
screen during a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.
“Not dishwasher safe.” — On a remote control for a TV.
“For lifting purposes only.” — On the box for a car jack.
“Do not put lit candles on phone.” — On the instructions for a cordless
phone.
—————————————————
Signs and Notices:
“No stopping or standing.” — A sign at a bus stop.
—————————————————
Safety Procedures:
“Take care: new non-slip surface.” — On a sign in front of a newly
renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.
“In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill
quickly.” — One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St.
Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You’ll
have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests. So
what else would you like to be?”
The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the
Rocky Mountains.”
“So is it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this
week ‘count’, St. Peter?”
“No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what
you’re doing.”
“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”
“So be it” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall
the two priests. “Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.
“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the
Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more
difficult.”
“Why?” asked the Lord.
“He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota.”
The Student in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears.”Does the hole go all the way through?” “Yes.” i replied “Did it hurt?” “Just a little.” i told him “Did they stick a needle through your ears?” “No, they used a special gun.” i said Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, “How far away did they stand?”