Yours Fun Portal !
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, “My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50.”
The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.”
The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”
A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor
traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless
hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge,
only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to
return the next day.
‘What for?’ he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, ‘Twenty
dollars contempt of court. That’s why!’
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. ‘That’s all
right. You don’t have to pay now.’
The young man replied, ‘I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.’
�rase una pareja de campesinos que despu�s de tanto a�orar tener un hijo, al fin consiguieron su cometido: tuvieron un ni�o al que le llamaron Tiros.
Tiros creci� como cualquier ni�o normal y, una vez alcanzada la mayor�a de edad, se fue para la capital.
Despu�s de algunos meses sin tener noticias de Tiros, el due�o de la tienda del pueblo, que hab�a estado leyendo el peri�dico, llam� al padre de Tiros dici�ndole:
“Compadre, venga a ver esto, hay noticias de Tiros en el peri�dico.
El titular dec�a: “TIROS EN LA UNIVERSIDAD”.
El padre de Tiros se puso tan feliz que mat� una lechona y celebraron por 3 d�as el orgullo de que su hijo estuviera en la universidad.
Paso alg�n tiempo y despu�s volvi� el compadre:
“Compadre, noticias de Tiros: “TIROS EN LA ASAMBLEA”.
“�Oh amigo, mi hijo legislador, vamos a celebrar, yo sabia que ese muchacho llegaba lejos…!” Y mataron una vaca.
Al tiempo volvieron a tener noticias de Tiros, pero esta vez el compadre le dijo:
“�Ay compadre, c�mo siento tener que decirle esto! �Mejor l�alo usted mismo, porque yo no tengo coraz�n para darle esa noticia tan triste!”:
“ESTUDIANTES Y POLIC�AS SE COGEN A TIROS”.
An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign
exchange
to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000Rps and after a quick
calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with a typical “service”
smile and “Have a nice day!”
The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day with another wad
of Rupees. He handed the same cashier 100,000Rps and put his hand out for
his $50.45, instead he received $48.78.
He questiond bitterly Ooh! vy less !!??”
Whereupon the cashier replied “Fluctuations!”
He screamed back “FLUCK YOU AMERICANS, TOO!”
I’m going back to Delhi!!!
Una madre acude al ginec�logo con sus dos hijas de 13 y 20 a�os respectivamente.
“�Qu� la trae, por la cl�nica?”, pregunta el galeno.
“Mis hijas y yo, doctor”.
“Veamos, cu�nteme”.
“Doctor, mi hija menor tiene los senos duros como limones”.
“�C�mo? A ver…”
“Mire, doctor”.
Y le muestra los senos de la ni�a.
Despu�s de inspeccionar por cinco minutos, el m�dico expone:
“S�, se�ora, duritos, duritos, como limoncitos”.
“Mi hija mayor, tambi�n los tiene duritos, como pomelos”.
El facultativo r�pidamente inspecciona y luego de diez minutos le comunica a la madre:
“S�, se�ora, duritos, duritos, como pomelos”.
“�Y yo, mire mis senos como melones, duritos, duritos!”, dice la madre mientras echa fuera sus senos.
El especialista inspecciona a la madre durante med�a hora (con los ojos en blanco, el pobre).
“Doctor, d�game �que podr� ser?”
“�No s�, se�ora…!”
Y agitado contin�a:
“Debe ser un mal de frutas, porque �mire como tengo el pl�tano: durito, durito!”
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young
newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor says, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.”
All the couples agreed and then came back at the end of the two weeks.
The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”
The old man replies, “No problem at all! Pastor.”
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church!”
The pastor then goes to the middle aged couple and asks, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”
The man replied, “The first week was not too bad but the second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.”
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church,” said the pastor.
The pastor finally goes to the young newlywed couple and asks, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?”
” No, pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,” the young man replied.
“What happened?” asked the pastor.
“My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there.”
“You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church,” admonished the pastor.
“That’s OK,” said the young man, “We’re not welcome at Safeway (grocery store) either!”
Did you know that “verb” is a noun? How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can’t spell them? If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know? If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren’t two houses hice? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue? If you’ve read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn’t this also mean that you would have to “member” somebody in order to remember them? In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same? Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable? Is there another word for a synonym? Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”? What is another word for “thesaurus”? Where do swear words come from? Why can’t you make another word using all the letters in “anagram”? Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? Why do people use the word “irregardless”? Why do some people type “cool” as “kewl?” Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? Why do we say something’s out of order when its broken but we never say in of order when it works? Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together? Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing? Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? Why does the Chinese ideogram for trouble symbolize two women living under one roof? Why does X stand for a kiss and O stand for a hug? Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is? Why don’t we say “why” instead of “how come”? Why is “crazy man” an insult, while to insert a comma and say “Crazy, man!” is a compliment? Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites? Why is abbreviation such a long word? Why is dyslexic so hard to spell? Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC? Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple? Why is it that the word “gullible” isn’t in the dictionary? Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital? Why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? Why is the plural of goose-geese, and not the plural of moose-meese? Why isn’t “palindrome” spelled the same way backwards? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
A man walks into a flower shop to buy flowers for his grandmother’s funeral.
He picks out a bouquet, puts it on the counter and the clerk says, “What are these for?”
“My grandmother, she passed away at 104”, says the man.
The clerk responds, “Oh really? How’d she die?”
Editted by Murillos and Curtis
What are the five most common words said to a well dressed Black man?
Will the defendant please rise.
what has got 100 balls and screws old ladies?
BINGO
Un tipo y una chica se conocieron, se enamoraron a primera vista y se casaron al d�a siguiente sin haberse siquiera besado. Desp�es de la boda, �l despert� y le pregunt� a su nueva esposa, “�Qu� hay para desayunar, querida?”
Ella respondi�, “Tienes tu desayuno justo frente a ti.”
As� que �l le hizo el amor de inmediato y luego se fue a trabajar. De regreso, le pregunt� a su esposa, “Querida, �qu� tienes para comer?”
Ella le respondi�, “Tienes tu comida justo frente a ti.” Y el le hizo el amor otra vez.
El tipo regres� a su trabajo y en la tarde sent�a que se mor�a de hambre. Regres� a su casa de prisa y al abrir la puerta vio a su mujer subiendo a toda carrera las escaleras y desliz�ndose por el pasamanos, una y otra vez…
Finalmente le pregunt�, “�Qu� demonios se supone que est�s haciendo?”
Y ella le respondi�, “Estoy calent�ndote la cena, querido…”
a bus pulled up and two asians got on. a lady who was sat behind overheard there conversation “emma come first den i come two asses dey come together i come again two asses dey come together i come again and pee twice and i come once a more.” you foul mouthed swines in this country we dont talk about our sex live in public. “chill lady i was just tellin my friend how to spell mississippi”