Category: other

Two [ethnics] both worked in the airport, Toronto, filling up the
planes with gas. They had been doing this for a number of
years.

One day,Mike shouted over to Jim, who was away over on
the other wing. “Jim, some of the gas splashed me and I have
found that it has the flavor of our [ethnic] screech, try it!”

He does, and yells back, “Lets take some in our thermoses!”

So they filled their thermoses and shortly went home.

After a couple of hours,
Mike phoned his buddy, to ask how he was doing with the
booze?

He replied “Fantastic, Mike”

Mike then warned Jim,
“What ever you do, don’t fart! I’m phoning you from Calgary!”

The girl admitted under parental questioning that she was pregnant, but couldn’t say who was responsible.”All right !” bellowed her Mother, “you march yourself to your room, and don’t come out until you can give us a definite answer.”Later that night her voice rang down the stairs.”Hey Mom, I think I have an idea now.””I should hope so !” the Mother responded.”The very idea that any daughter of mine could get pregnant, let alone not know the father.””Chill Mom.” the girl said.”I got it narrowed down to the band or the football team.”

Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

Q: Why do so many Polish navy personnel drown?
A: Because when the engine stops, they all have to get out and push!

Q: What does a Hindu wish someone on their birthday?

A: May you have many happy returns.

There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered the hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner.

After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man.

“It’s o.k.,” he replied, “it’s written in the Bible.”

So after a wild night of sex the hat check girl asked to see where in the Bible it says it’s okay.

The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the first page where someone wrote in pencil – “The hat check girl puts out!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing

bill says to bob. Let’s set some guide lines.
1: Don’t fucking swear
2: Don’t call people names, bugger-face
3: Smoking isn’t good for you, hey can you get me a pack of
CAMEL ciggarets?
4: Don’t steal cars. Check out that Ferrai!!

A little girl spoke to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl said, “But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale.” Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. “It is physically impossible!” she said. Undaunted, the little girl said, “Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” To this, the teacher said, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then YOU ask him!”

A traveling salesman was driving down a country road, when a
rabbit
ran in front of his car and he hit it. The proverbial farmer was
sitting on the fence watching. The salesman got out of his car
and
opened the trunk. He then removed an aerosol can and sprayed the
contents on the dead rabbit.

The next thing you know, the rabbit got up and hopped about 20
feet
down the road, turned and waved to the salesman, went another 20
feet,
and waved to the salesman again.

The salesman looked at the farmer and said “He’ll be okay now.”
The
salesman got into his car and left.

The farmer, wondering what was going on, walked over to the ditch
where the salesman threw the can, and picked it up and read the
label.
It said, “FOR HARE RESTORATION AND PERMANENT WAVE.”

Unas manzanitas se encontraban en el �rbol colgadas en plena sesi�n de chismes, cuando de pronto se escuch� caer una manzanita al suelo. Todas guardaron silencio por un momento, pero despu�s se empezaron a carcajear de la manzanita ca�da.

De pronto la manzanita que hab�a caido se voltea, las mira y les dice:

“�BOLA DE INMADURAS!”

There once were these two women who sat in the back of the
church every Sunday for church service and they always talked
for the whole hour and a half. So one day when the two women
were not around the congregation and the preacher got together
and deviced a plan to make the women stop talking during church.
The preacher said, “While we are singing the first hymn, I will
out streach my arms and every one will stop singing.” With this
agreed upon everyone left. The next Sunday the two women were
there and as always they gabbered on. When the first hymn came
up everyone was singing away and the preacher outstreached his
arm and everyone stopped. And in a loud booming voice one of the
ladies anounced, “And I fry my in Criso!”

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy when rooting.

11. People in the 70’s couldn’t shag unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.

14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum. If there is two of them
they “high five” each other.(and the girl isn’t disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don’t exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.

19. There’s a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patients cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before f*cking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches… or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to remind her to “suck it”.

26. Arseholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don’t have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.