Category: other

Te presentamos algunos argumentos que te permitir�n huir en “ese momento” sin necesidad de que digas: “me estoy c…”

Ecol�gica: Ya vengo, Voy a reciclar material biodegradable.
Art�stica: Voy a pintar un angelito negro.
Filos�fica: Voy a pasar de lo abstracto a lo concreto.
Culinaria: Voy a ponerle sabor al caldo.
Rom�ntica: Voy a entregar unos bombones.
Franca: Me voy a sincerar.
Bien intencionada: Voy a sacar lo mejor de mi.
Coqueta: Me voy a echar ag�ita en los cachetes.

Otras formas de decir: “Ya vengo, voy al ba�o”

Voy a evacuar una duda.
Voy a soplar la vela, antes de que se me caiga la torta.
Voy a mandar unos troncos al aserradero.
Voy a sacarme un peso de encima.
Voy a despedir un amigo del interior.
Voy a tirar la basura.
Voy a desalojar al inquilino.
Voy a echar una boya.
Voy a echar un topo al remolino.
Voy a hacer una escultura ef�mera.
Voy a hundir un zeppelin.
Voy a externar mi malestar.
Voy a tumbarle el puro al cachet�n.
Voy a desechar una hip�tesis.
Voy a negociar la liberaci�n de rehenes.
Voy a liberar a Willy.

Jesus, Moses, and an old man were playing golf one day.

Jesus stepped up to the tee, swung, but caught a real bad slice and the ball caught hard left straight into the pond.

“No problem!” he said, and then made the ball rise so he could walk out on the pond, and chip it right onto the green.

“Not bad, young fella!” Said Moses. But he suffered the same fate dropping the ball into the pond.

Stepping to the edge, he parted the water, stepped in and chipped it onto the green.

Finally the old man steps up. not quite certain on how the game was played, tees off.

The ball also caught hard to the left, and straight to the pond.

Before the ball hit, a fish dove out and ate it, but before entering the water again, a bird swoops down and eats the fish.

Flying over the green, the bird coughs up the fish, when the fish hit the green, the ball popped out, onto the green and rolled right into the cup!

“Hooray!!! A hole in one!!!” Cried the old man.

Then Jesus steps up and says, “Dad! stop messing around, and play golf!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two
new members were being
introduced to other members and shown around.
The man leading
them around
said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the
fireplace? He is our
oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never
forget.”

They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting
story.

“Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting
expedition in
Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing
a thing.
On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found
a fallen
tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and
fell asleep.

I don’t know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise
in the
bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever
saw jumped
out of the bushes at me like this,
ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!.

I tell you, I just shit in my pants.”

The young men looked
astonished and one
of them said, “I don’t blame you, I would have shit my pants
too if a lion
jumped out at me.”

The old man shook his head and said,
“No, no, not then,
just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

There was a rich man driving in his limo when he saw a poor man
at the side of the road eating grass. The man told his driver
to stop so he could get out. The rich man went over to the poor
man and said, “Why are you eating grass?” The man replied,
“Well, I am very poor and have no money to buy food so I eat
grass. My entire family does too.” The rich man said, “Get
your entire family here tomorrow at 3:00 and I will do something
special for you.” The man agreed and left. The next day at
3:00, the rich man went back to the same spot. He found there
the poor man with his family. The man brought them all in the
car and took them home with him. When they got there, the poor
man asked, “I appreciate what you are doing for me, but why are
you doing it?” “Well,” the rich man replied, “you see, the
grass at my hose is extremely tall.”

There was once a chinese immigrant that wanted to make a living,
so he set up a bakery. But there was a problem, he could only
say three words which were “only two dollar fifty”, “maybe yes
maybe no” and “if you don’t, somebody else will”
One day a shop customer came in and asked “how much is this
bread?”
The Chinese man replys “only two dollar fifty”
Customer: “Is it fresh?”
Chinese: “Maybe yes maybe no”
Customer: “should i buy it?”
Chinese: “if you don’t somebody else will”
So the man buys the bread and walks away. Then in comes a
criminal with a gun.
Criminal: “Give me all your money”
Chinese: “Only two dollar fifty”
Criminal: “What? is this some kind of joke?”
Chinese: “Maybe yes maybe no”
Criminal: “Do you want me to shoot you?”
Chinese: “If you don’t somebody else will”
It was an ugly ending.

Sat�lite nuestro que est�s en el cielo,
acelerado sea tu link.
Venga a nosotros tu hipertexto.
H�gase tu conexi�n,
as� en lo real como en lo virtual.
Danos hoy nuestro download de cada d�a.
Perdona el caf� sobre el teclado,
as� como nosotros perdonamos las malas conexiones de nuestro servidor.
No nos dejes caer la conexi�n
y l�branos, Monitor, de todo los virus.
Am�n.

Knock knock
Who’s there?

Arthur

Arthur who?

Arthur any better jokes on this site?

El rico ganadero tomando de la mano a su novia mientras contempla a un toro haci�ndole el amor a una vaca:

“Mi amor: �qu� acto tan hermoso! �No te agradar�a que yo hiciera lo mismo?”

Ella, aparentando indiferencia:

“Si eso te agrada, pues… adelante… total, la vaca es tuya…”

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose.The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, “Okay, lets get out and get him.”After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, “The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?”The guy in the front says, “Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself.”

A Safe Bet, Bush Reassures Nation

In a bold move to privatize Social Security, President George W. Bush today put all of the program’s funds under the control of former Education Secretary William Bennett, urging Mr. Bennett to “work your magic” on the nation’s nest egg.

Recognizing that many retirees are nervous about the privatization of America’s retirement system, Mr. Bush reassured them today, stating flatly, “Bill Bennett is a safe bet.”

“I have known Bill Bennett for many years,” Mr. Bush told reporters. “This is a man who knows when to hold ’em and knows when to fold ’em.”

A beaming Mr. Bennett stood at Mr. Bush’s side, the former Education Secretary wearing what he later called “my lucky hat.”

He spoke briefly with reporters before boarding a plane for the Venetian casino in Las Vegas, where he said he would begin to implement his “can’t lose” investment plan for Social Security.

But on Capitol Hill, leading Democrats howled in protest over Mr. Bennett’s appointment, arguing that the nation should not place an important program like Social Security in the hands of just one man, especially a controversial figure like Mr. Bennett.

“Why don’t we just bet all our retirees’ money on the daily double while we’re at it,” fumed South Dakota Senator Tim Johnson.

For his part, Mr. Bennett remained tight-lipped about his plans for the nation’s retirement funds, telling reporters, “What happens in Social Security, stays in Social Security.”

A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She then excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in. He says, “What’s this?” “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.” “Jeez…oooh….I…” She says, “Yeah, he’s too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.”

A woman is enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening.”Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He’s going to really be ticked if it’s not ready on time.”When she gets home, she realizes she doesn’t have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up.She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband is really enjoying his dinner.”Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day.”Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified.”You’re going to kill him!” they exclaimed.Two months later, her husband died.The woman were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said, “You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?”The wife stoically replied, “I didn’t kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was licking his ass!”