Category: other

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot. ”It’s beautiful!” cried the man, ”Does he do any tricks?” ”Yes he does,” answered the salesman. ”If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing ‘Jingle Bells.’ And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”’ ”Amazing!” exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he’d bought. ”Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know know any tricks?” asked the wife. The man smiled and said, ”Watch this.” Then he lit a match and put it under the birds right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing ‘Jingle Bells.’ Then he put the match under the bird’s left foot, and it began to sing ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.’ ”That’s incredible! Does he do anything else?” the wife asked. ”I don’t know, lets see.” replied the man. So he lit another match and put it between the birds legs. ”Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”

Q
what did the empty bottle say to the full bottle?

A
i got drunk last night!

What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? Their middle name.

Q: What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?A: The Captain’s log.

Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent’s hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading.After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, “Have I got all you say there?”The agent said, “Certainly ye have…Why do you ask? “Murphy replied, “Cancel the sale…its too good to part with.”

Dos mexicanos fueron contratados para arreglar los jardines de la central de cohetes de la NASA en Houston. A la hora del lunch, �stos acostumbraban tomar un trago o dos de tequila para completar la faena animados. Un d�a, uno de ellos se encontr� un garraf�n con el combustible utilizado en las cosmonaves, y se le ocurri� agregarle al tequila unas gotas para ver que se sent�a. Despu�s del almuerzo, los amigos regresaron al trabajo cada uno por su lado. De pronto, el tel�fono celular (m�vil) de uno de ellos suena:

“Compadre, despu�s de que nos tomamos el tequila, �se ha echado alguna flatulencia?”, le pregunta el otro, que era el que llamaba.

“No, compadre”, responde el del tel�fono.

“�Ni la suelte, compadre, le estoy hablando desde Buenos Aires, Argentina!”, le advierte emocionado el otro.

There once was a guy named Jo who was a senior in high school.
One night Jo and his girlfriend Pam went out, they went back to
Jo’s place. Jo shared a room with his younger brother. Jo and
his younger brother Tom Had a bunkbed. Tom was already sleeping
on the bottom bunk so Pam and Jo went up to the top bunk, So Jo
and Pam started fooling around and Pam started screaming. Jo
told her if she wanted to go harder to say Tomato and if she
wanted to stop to say lettuce, so Jo checked if Tom was still
sleeping thankfully he was. So they started:
“Tomato”
“Lettuce”
“Tomato”
“Lettuce”
“Tomato”
“Lettuce”
Jo screamed “ahhhhhhhhh”
Then all of a sudden Jo’s little brother said: “stop making
sandwiches your getting mayonaise all of over me!”

Q.Do you know what happened to the egg that was taking a stroll through the Bronx?

A.He got beat up

Why do they always lock the bathroom doors at gas stations?

Are they afraid someone might clean them!?

Los locos del manicomio quer�an jugar f�tbol y formaron dos equipos. Como no ten�an pelota, decidieron jugar con un bal�n imaginario. Y aquello era de goles por ac�, goles por all�, de chilena, de cabecita, era impresionante. En lo m�s interesante del partido, un orate se acerca y pregunta:

“�Puedo jugar?”

Sus compa�eros le respondieron que no porque estaban completos. El chiflado enojado se agacha, hace como que toma algo y les advierte:

“Entonces me llevo el bal�n”.

One day O’Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour.

“Paddy my friend”, he said. “I’m going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat”.

“No problem”, replied Paddy. “You go an have a good time”.

So the next day O’Leary left and headed for sunny Florida. However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy. “Everything’s ok over here”, Paddy said.
“Except you’re cat. It’s dead”!

“oly ell”, replied O’Leary. “You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy”!
“What do you mean?”, replied Paddy.

“Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree. The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down. On the third day you could tell me that the cat lost its grip and fell from the tree and had to be taken to the vets because of a broken leg. Then on the fourth day you could have told me that it died peacefully in the vet clinic”, explained O’Leary.

So paddy apologised and another week went by, when one day O’Leary got another phone call, it was Paddy again.

“All right O’Leary”, he said. “Everything’s ok here, except your ma –
She’s climbed the tree and refuses to come down”!

‘Why are you in this particular line of work?’ a sociology researcher asked the massage-parlor girl.’I’m trying to pay back this loan shark named Paul something or other,’ she said. ‘So I’m literally rubbing peters to pay Paul.’