Category: other

George Burns was on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and bragged, that despite his 97 years, he could still have sex three times a night.

After the show, Oprah said, “George, if I’m not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older man. Let’s go back to my place.

So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, George says, “If you think that was good, let me sleep for a half hour, and we can have even better sex.

But while I’m sleeping, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand.”

She says okay. He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex.

George says, “Oprah, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet.

But again, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand.”

Oprah says,”Great, George, but tell me, does my holding your organs stimulate you while you’re sleeping?”

George replies, “No, but the last time I slept with a black woman, she stole my wallet.”

Tres ratones se encuentran y empiezan a contarse sus aventuras:

“Yo, cuando me aburro, busco un cepo, me meto debajo, cojo el queso y me lo como sin despeinarme.”

El segundo dice:

“Eso no es nada, yo cuando tengo hambre cojo una bolsa de matarratas y me la como mientras me bebo una cerveza y veo una pel�cula… y no me pasa nada!”

El otro dice:

“Ten�is raz�n, sois muy arriesgados. Siento no poder quedarme m�s pero es que tengo que ir a casa a follarme al gato.”

Why do we have a pair of pants, and a pair of underware but not a pair of bras?

Why do all women put on mascara with their eyes open?

one day gomber pyle took his girlfriend to the movies and while they’re waiting for the movie to start he says honey can i put my arms around you and she says sure and he did so a couple minutes later he says dear can i kiss you passiontly and she says why not so they kiss for about 3 minutes straight so about 5 minutes later he says baby can i blow in you ear and she says o.k. so he does then he says baby can i put my finger in your belly button and she says o.k. i guess so around that time the lights go out and the movie starts and all of a sudden she screams and yells and says you bastard that ain’t my belly button and he says surprise surprise that ain’t my finger either.

In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Q: What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?A: The Captain’s log.

Manolo ingresa a las tropas especiales del ej�rcito. Todas las pruebas de actitud f�sica las pasa con relativa facilidad pues es un hombre muy fuerte; pero en las tropas especiales tambi�n hacen pruebas de intelecto, cuando llega su turno le pregunta el sargento:

“A ver, Manolo, si quedas separado de la unidad y tienes que valerte por ti solo, �qu� es lo primero que har�as?”

“Pues lo primero que har�a, mi sargento, es buscar agua, pues sin comer puedo aguantar un tiempo, pero de sed se puede morir uno muy r�pido. As� que buscar�a un r�o o una laguna para proveerme de agua”.

“�Y la tomas as� o la purificas?”

“Bueno, pues la hiervo primero”.

“Muy bien, Manolo. A ver, �a cu�ntos grados hierve el agua?”

“Pues a 90 grados, sargento”.

“Pues no, Manolo, revisa el manual y ver�s que el agua hierve a 100 grados”.

Apenado, Manolo revisa el manual y dice para si:

“�Qu� bruto soy, el sargento tiene raz�n, lo que hierve a 90 grados es el �ngulo recto!”

jokes galore has the wackest jokes in the world this site is stupid

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the
collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that
perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving
more.

“And just how would I go about doing that?” he asked.

“It is very simple. First you turn off the air conditioner so that
the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone
voice. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a
slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the
collection plate.”

So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and
behold, the plates were full of 20 dollar bills! Now, the preacher
did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every
Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried
his mass hypnosis again.

Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the
chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud
thud and springs and parts flew everywhere. “Crap!” exclaimed the
pastor.

It took them a week to clean up the church.

How do men sort out their laundry? Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q: Why do Mexicans have small steering wheels? A: So they can drive with hand cuffs on.

The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a
HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back
bumper of my car, and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience
followed.
I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought
about the Lord, and didn’t notice that the light had changed. That bumper
sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy
behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY love the lord because
pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled, “Jesus Christ!” as loud as
he could. It was like a football game with him shouting, “GO JESUS CHRIST,
GO!!!”
Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved
and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from
Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny
beach, and saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck
up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed,
looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck
sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.
Several cars behind, a very nice black man stepped out of his car and
yelled something. I couldn’t hear him very well, but it sounded like,
“Mother trucker,” or “Mother’s from there.” Maybe he was from Florida, too.
He must really love the lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in
the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking
toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the
light had changed, and stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because
I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them
standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held
up the Hawaiian good luck sign, as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.