Category: other

A young executive leaving the office one evening noticed his boss standing in
front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. Seeing a good opportunity
to do some brown-nosing, he asks, “Can I help you with something before I leave,
Sir?”
“Listen,” said the boss, “this is important and my assistant has already
left the office. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young man, certain he was earning some brownie points.
The young executive turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the
start button.
“Thank you,” said the boss, unaware that his paper had disappeared into the
paper shredder. “I need two copies of that.”

An Irishman, a Mexican and an Alabama redneck were doing construction
work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating
lunch and the Irishman said, ” Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef
and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump
off this building.”

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I
get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

The Alabama redneck opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I
get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping too.”

Next day – The Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and
cabbage and jumps to his death. the Mexican opens his lunch, sees a
burrito and jumps too. The Alabama redneck opens his lunch, sees the
bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral – The Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d
known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never
would have given it to him again!

The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says ” I could have given him two
tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the Alabama redneck’s wife. “Hey,
don’t look at me,” she said, “He makes his own lunch!”

En una maternidad hay un tipo del Congo, un sueco y un argentino. Sale la enfermera y dice:

“Tenemos un problema. Se nos confundieron los bebes y ahora no sabemos cual bebe es cual. Tenemos 2 blancos y uno negro.”

Los tres nuevos papas deciden sacar a la suerte para ver quien escoge a su bebe primero, y gana el sueco. El sueco entra a la maternidad, sale con el bebe negro y el del Congo le dice: “Mire bwana, el bebe es negro, yo soy negro, mi esposa es negra, as� que este bebe es m�o. Agarre uno de los blancos.”

“�Est� loco? �Y si me toca el argentino?”

Did you here about the ten foot tall 390 pound Aggie football player?

He was killed in a car wreck and they couldn t find a casket large
enough to bury him so they gave him an enema and burried him
in a shoe box.

“�Compadre, en mi casa mando yo, y cuando digo: tengo hambre, me sirven de comer y cuando digo tr�iganme el agua caliente, me la traen de inmediato!”

“Y para que quiere agua caliente?”

“�No me diga que usted lava los platos con agua fr�a!”

A friend of a guy in the Nutrition School at Tufts was one of the lucky passengers onboard a Northwest Airlines flight to Boston during our recent hurricane “Bob”. The captain did his best to skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same, rough enough that the flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves into their seats for about half an hour, and many of the passengers were putting the little plastic-lined bags in their seat pockets to good use.

When the turbulence finally abated, the flight attendants unbuckled themselves, and the captain’s voice came on over the intercom. “Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn’t it?’ But we came through it fine, just the way we always do, and I’m happy to report that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On behalf of myself and today’s flight crew, I’d like to thank you very much for your calmness and cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Boston.”

…after a short pause and several clicks “Jeez Man – whadda bitchin’ ride” Boy – I sure could use a cup of good strong coffee and a blow job, right about now'”

As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin to inform the captain that his intercom was still on, one of the passengers called after her, “Don’t forget the coffee!”

Cuatro madres est�n hablando de sus hijos sacerdotes. La primera dice:

“Mi hijo es Monse�or, y cuando entra en una sala la gente se pone de pie y le saluda diciendo: Buenos d�as, Monse�or.”

La segunda no puede ser menos, y dice:

“Mi hijo es obispo, y cuando entra en una sala la gente se pone de pie y le saluda diciendo: Buenos d�as, Excelencia.”

La tercera dice:

“Mi hijo es cardenal, y cuando entra en una sala la gente se pone de pie y lo saluda diciendo Buenos d�as, Eminencia.”

Pero el hijo de la cuarta madre es un cura com�n y corriente, as� que va esta tipa y dice:

“Mi hijo mide 2 metros 20 y pesa 215 kilos, as� que cuando entra en una sala la gente dice: Oh, Dios m�o.”

one day a lady went to see her doctor about using viragra for
her husband. “doctor no matter what i do i can never seem to get
him in the modd for love!” “well he (hands her a bottle of
viragra) slip one of these in his coffe in the morning and in
few days come back and see me” so the lady goes home and does
what the doctor said. after the first day nothing change. so she
tryed giving him 3. but it still didn’t work. so one morning she
pured the rest of the bottle in.

about a week later the doctor caled the house and a little boy
answered the phone. “hello son, is your mother around?” the boy
pauses takes a deep breathe and says “well… my mom’s dead, my
sister, ran away, the maid’s pregnant, my ass hurts and my dad’s
running around outside yelling ‘here kitty kitty'”

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco.

The pastor of the church was looking at the manager scene when he notice that the baby Jesus figure was missing from the cradle.

He immediately turned and went ouitside and saw a little boy with a red wagon walking down the street. And in the wagon, was the figure of the infant Jesus.

So he walked up to the boy and said, “Son, where did you get that little baby Jesus that is in your wagon?”

The little boy replied, “I got him from the church.”

“And why did you take him?” asked the pastor.

The little boy replied, “Well, about a week before Christmas, I prayed to the little Lord Jesus.

I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

A farmhand is driving ’round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, “Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in thebull-bars of my truck. He’s still wriggling � what should I do?” “In the back of your truck there’s a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush.” The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back.”Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush.””So what’s the problem now?” his Boss snapped. “The blue light on his bike is still flashing!”

How do you know if an aboriginal’s in a train?

You can hear…nigga-nigga-nigga-nigga, nigga-nigga-nigga-nigga

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
None. It should be open when she brings it to you.

How many men does it take to fix a woman’s watch?
None. She can use the clock on the oven.

What’s the matter if a woman is in the living room?
The leash from the kitchen is too long.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.