Category: other

Yomama so fat that, when she is in China and gets painted
greyish brown, a boy walks by a sez, mama, thats the China Wall!

A man on a small bussiness trip stopped at a small truck stop
for lunch. When his food arrived he said a silent prayer and
bowed his head, as he always does before meals. When he lifted
his head the truck driver beside him said, “I see you’ve eaten
here before.”

A priest decides to pay a visit to a nearby convent. The convent is in a run-down neighborhood, and as the priest walks down the street several prostitutes approach and proposition him.”Twenty bucks a trick!”These solicitations embarrass the priest who lowers his head and hurries on until he gets to the convent. Once inside he displays his naivet� by asking the Mother Superior, “What is a trick?”She answers, “Twenty bucks — just like on the street.”

In life there are two things to worry about: either you are well or you are sick.If you are well then there is nothing to worry about, but if you are sick there are only two things to worry about: either you get well or you die.If you get well then there is nothing to worry about. But if you die there are only two things to worry about: either you will go to heaven or to hell.If you go to heaven then there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you’ll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends you won’t have time to worry

THEY SAY THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOUNot much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he qualifies nonetheless. You see, there was a gentleman from Korea who was killed by his cell phone … more or less. He was doing the usual “walking and talking” when he walked into a tree and managed to somehow break his neck. Keep that in mind the next time you decide to drive and dial at the same time.

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day and the preacher was
standing at the door as he always is, to shake hands.

He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”

He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”

Do you think that Micheal Jorden is still playing basketball? i think so.

At five oclock in the morning this guy wakes up his wife and says “time to
go hunting dear.” See replies, “I’m tired I dont want to go hunting.” He
says “Well I will give you three choices:

A) Go Hunting
B) Let me fuck you up the ass
C) Suck my dick

She doesn’t answer so he says “I am going outside to get the dogs ready,
let me know what you decide when I get back in.” About fifteen minutes
later he comes back and says “So what did you decide?” She replies “I am
really tired and don’t feel like hunting, so I will give you a blow job.”
Well she starts doing her thing and stops. Blah, this tastes like shit! He
replies “yeah I know the dogs didn’t want to go either.”

ALWAYS GIVE 100% AT WORK: – 12% Monday – 23% Tuesday – 40% Wednesday – 20% Thursday – 5% Friday

What did the lady say to micheal jackson at the beach?
Get out of my son!!!

What does Micheal Jackson and K-Mart have in comon?
They both have little boys pants half off!!!

What does Micheal Jackson and McDonalds have in common?
They both stick their meat between 12 year old buns!!!

Llega Pepito a la escuela con un ojo morado.

“�Qu� te pas�?”, le pregunta la maestra.

“Es que en mi casa somos muy pobres y dormimos en la misma cama mi mami, mi papi, mi hermanito y yo; en la noche mi papi se subi� en mi mami y dec�a: ‘Ahhhggg, ahhhggg, aggghhhh’. Despu�s me pregunt�: ‘�Hijo, est�s dormido?’, y yo le contest�: ‘No, papi’, y �zas! Feroz combo”.

“Esta noche qu�date callado”, le aconseja la maestra.

Al d�a siguiente, Pepito llega con el otro ojo morado y enseguida, la maestra le pregunta:

“�Por qu� no te quedaste callado?”

“Es que, mire, maestra, nosotros muy pero muy pobres y mi papi se le subi� a mi mam� y dec�a: ‘Ahhhggg, ahhhggg, aggghhhha’, y yo callado, maestra. Y luego m�s r�pido: ‘Ahhhggg, ahhhggg, aggghhhh’, y yo callado. Entonces mi papi le dijo a mi mam�: ‘Vieja, me voy, me voy’. Y yo le dije: ‘Papi, ll�vame…’, y �zas! Feroz combo”.

“Bueno, cuando tu papi le diga eso a tu mam� qu�date callado”.

Al d�a siguiente, llega el ni�o con la mano rota y enyesada y otra vez le cuenta a la maestra:

“Es que somos muy pero muy pobres y mi papi otra vez encima de mam� y yo callado. Mi papi dec�a: ‘Ahhhggg, ahhhggg, aggghhhh’, y yo callado; entonces otra vez: ‘Vieja, me voy, me voy’, y yo callado, callado y, entonces, la cama se empez� a mover rapidito y mi hermanito, de rebote en rebote, se cay� de la cama y yo callado. En aquel momento, mi papi le dijo a mi mam�: ‘Vieja �nos echamos el otro?’, y yo le dije: No, papi, yo me bajo solito”.

En un zool�gico ten�an una pareja de gorilas. Lamentablemente el macho muri� y la hembra entr� en brama. No sab�an que hacer, hasta que un empleado dijo que ten�a un amigo negro que era muy pijudo y que podr�a saciar el apetito de la gorila. Hablaron con el negro y le dijeron que no ten�a por qu� preocuparse, que el animal estar�a atado de pies y manor, que tendr�a un bozal y adem�s tendr�an preparados rifles con dardos tranquilizantes.

El negro accedi� y comenz� con la faena. �Pum! �Pum! y en eso la gorila rompe una cuerda con el brazo izquierdo y le ensarta las u�as en la espalda. Lo mismo pas� con el brazo derecho y las piernas.

Todos asustados le gritan al valiente:

“�Le disparamos?”

A lo que contesta:

“�No! �Qu�tenle el bozal porque la quiero besar!”