Category: light bulbs

Q: How many Liverpool supporters does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: 96. One to change it and 95 to get killed in the crush when the whole city turns up to watch.Note: Topical to the Hillsborough disaster.

Q: How many ice skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two, one to screw in the bulb, one to hire a hitman on club the other skater on the knee.

None. They only screw the poor.

How many light beer drinkers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

Q: How many Rochester residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Fifty one – one to screw in the bulb, and fifty to comment about how much better the bulb is than light bulbs in Buffalo.

Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?A: Six-Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say “I canna do it, Cap’n! These bulbs are stoon dead”, Spock to tell Kirk he is proceeding illogically, McCoy to say “They’re BURNED-OUT, Jim!” and “Dammit Jim-I’m a doctor not an electrician!!”, Kirk to screw it in, and two red-shirt security men to die in the process.

How many Belfast folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to screw it in, and the other nine to sing how good the old one
was.

Q: How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None–Hanover doesn’t have electricity!Note: Dartmouth is way out in the middle of nowhere in New Hampshire.

Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?A: If the switch is off, one. If the switch is on, any number, until one of them figures out to turn it off.

Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?A: (Dole) When I was a poor boy growing up in Kansas we didn’t have light bulbs. Now I have the housekeeper do it.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One, but it costs $4000 and you have to replace the motherboard.