Category: gender

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them. Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church. Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

A man and woman are having a relationship for about 4 months now. One Friday night they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then went to get some food at a local restaurant near their respective homes. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.
Her story: He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn’t say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. So we went to this restaurant and he’s STILL acting a bit funny and I’m trying to cheer him up and start to wonder whether it’s me or something else. I ask him, and he says no. But you know I’m not really sure. So anyway, in the cab back to his house, I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me. I don’t know what the hell this means because you know he doesn’t say it back or anything. We finally get back to his place and I’m wondering if he’s going to dump me! So I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV. Reluctantly, I say I’m going to go to sleep. Then, after about 10 minutes, he joins me and we have sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave. I dunno, I just don’t know, what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he’s met someone else???

His story: $hitty day at work, low on funds, and tired. Got laid though.

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.

She thinks to herself, “Here’s another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchical society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat,” and she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up.

Finally, the man says, “Look, lady, you’ve got to let me get up. I’m two miles past my stop already!”

Down in Florida, two women were talking and one asked the other, “Do you ever get that feeling of being really horny?”

“Yes,” her friend replied.

“What do you do about it?”

“I usually suck on a Lifesaver.”

After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, “Well, what beach do you go to?”

Q.
Why do men like BMWs?
A. They can spell it.

What is the best way to get a man to do sit-ups?

Put the remote control between his toes.

Zeke and Zeb decided to build a Bungee Jumping tower in Mexico to see if it would make them some money. After they got it set up, they noticed that the crowds gathered around but nobody was buying tickets. Zeke said to Zeb, �Maybe you should demonstrate it to them so they get the idea.� After Zeb was strapped on he jumped and fell almost to the ground before springing back. As he came back up Zeke noticed that Zeb’s clothes were torn and wondered what that was all about. Zeb went down again and this time when he came back up Zeke noticed that he was bleeding. Zeke thought, �Wow, what�s going on here.� Zeb went down a third time and this time when he came back up Zeke noticed that he had blood, contusions and cuts all over his body. Zeke pulled Zeb in and said, �Zeb, what happened?� Zeb groaned, �I don�t know, but what�s a pinata?

Typical Male:
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one
to
marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them
spends
it.
The first one goes out and gets a total make over with the money.
She
gets
new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the
man,
“I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so
much.”

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player,
a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, “I bought
these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much.”

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles
her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest.
She
says, “I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I
love
you so much.”
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women
spent
the money,
and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

Maternity leave would last two years … with full pay

There would be a cure for stretch marks

Natural childbirth would become obsolete

Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem

All methods of birth control would be 100% effective

Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained

Men would be eager to talk about commitment

They wouldn’t think twins were so cute

Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM

Briefcases would be used as diaper bags

Patenity suits would be a fashion line of clothes

They’d stay in bed during the entire pregnancy

Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees

Women would rule the world

Take a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir,” urged the street vendor.

“I haven’t got a wife,” replied the young man.

“Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart.”

“I don’t have a sweetheart, either.”

“Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck.”

Women have their faults.
Men have only two.
Everything they say and everything they do.

What does a 40 year old woman have between her breasts that an 18 year old doesn’t?

Her navel!