Q. How is a woman like a laxative?
A. They both irritate the crap out of you.
Category: gender
Trip to the doctor
An older woman went to the gynecologist. He told her she was in perfect health, had the body of an eighteen-year-old. She was so excited she ran home to tell her husband. “Oh yeah?” he said snidely. “What about your fat ass?” “He didn’t say anything about you.”
Impossible Wish
A man walking along a beach stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it, and out popped a genie. The genie said, “Okay…you released me from the lamp… blah, blah, blah. You get one wish!” The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m afraid to fly as I get a sick feeling within. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Also, think of how much concrete would be needed…how much steel!! No, you must think of another wish.”The man said, “Okay,” and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care about them and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish I could understand women, know how they feel inside, what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing,’ know how to make them truly happy…”The genie looks at the man and asks, “You want that bridge two lanes or four?”
Wandering Tribes
Do you know why the tribes of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years?
Because even then, men couldn’t stop to ask directions.
Why “Opposite Sex”?
If you want to know why they are called the ‘opposite sex’, express an opinion!
Headline – read all about it!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
John Hopkins Medical Center is reporting an unusual occurrence in the Obstetrics department:
A child was born with both male and female organs.
A penis and a brain!
Ruling
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, “I want
the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women
on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their
women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.”
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and
there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their
women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their
women, there was only one man.
God got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created,
you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the
only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell
them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”
And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”
How to impress
How to impress a woman:
compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to impress a man:
Show up naked. Bring beer.
Oh-oh…whole page of women jokes!
Q. Why did God give man a penis?
A. So we’d have at least one way to shut a woman up!
Q. What are the small bumps around a woman’s’ nipples for?
A. Its Braille for “suck here.”
Q. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
A. Lipstick.
Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.
Q. How is a women like a condom?
A. Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q.What’s the difference between a ’90’s woman and a computer?
A. A ’90’s woman won’t accept a three and a half inch floppy.
Eight Iron
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine.
He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves.
As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in the hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, “Jack, I’ve got trouble down here!”
“What’s the matter?” Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
“Bring me my wedge,” Joe shouted. “You can’t get out of here with an eight iron!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are…
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A. They all already have boyfriends.
Engine trouble
As the huge jumbo jet neared the airport, the captain’s voice came over the loud speaker, “Ladies and Gentlemen, we are currently experiencing technical difficulty with the # 4 engine, which will delay our landing, by about a half an hour”.
A mechanically inept executive traveller turns to his heighbor and says, ” I hope they don’t have a problem with the other three engines, I’m far too busy to be up here all day…!”
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis